tiny’s perspective

Hello, I am lockedhubby’s penis.

I’m trying to figure out just what the hell happened here.  There I was, hanging around, just being a penis.  I’d get hard sometimes and squirt, which is really, really fun, my very most favorite thing to do in fact!  And then, all of a sudden, my world completely changed.

I found myself in what might best be described as solitary confinement.  It’s very bizarre, from the point of view of a penis. I’m in some sort of hard, clear prison, it’s very confining, and quite uncomfortable at times.

There’s a slot at the end, about where my opening is, which is pretty fortunate.  Otherwise when I am spraying it would have nowhere to go. So I guess that’s good.  And there seem to be some small openings along my shaft, for ventilation perhaps? But that’s about all I can find to say on the positive side.

The main problem is the size of this place.  Look, when I get fully erect, I’m almost 7 inches long. But this place is less than half my full size.  And lately I’m getting a lot of demands to puff up and get hard, but it’s just not possible!  I can get a tiny bit bigger, but that’s all the room I have.

And then there’s the width. I’m not massively thick, but this prison is narrow as well as short. So when I start to swell, I quickly fill up this little space and push harder and harder on the walls.  Good thing I’m not claustrophopic, or I’d be seriously freaking out here.  It’s really tight, and the bigger I try to get, the harder I’m squeezed by these damn walls.

The neighbors, Left and Right Testicle, are really complaining about the situation too.  Apparently they are squeeezed through this small slot, and when I expand they get mashed up against that slot something severe. I wish I could help, but when the call comes down for me to get big, I don’t really have any choice.

Look, I take my job very seriously.  In over 4 decades I have a 99.9% success rate; no joke.  It’s a matter of pride for me to go from flacid to full-size quickly, almost always in under a minute, and remain that way for a good long time.  But things are really out of whack now.

Instead of accomplishing my job of growing to my full size and thickness, instead I am squeezed tight against these prison walls.  Parts of me even push out those ventilation holes and that slot at the end.  I keep trying and trying to grow bigger, but I just can’t do it.  After a little while the neighbors start screaming due to the pressure on them as well.

Keep in mind that we don’t get to decide ourselves when to relax.  When stimulation happens, we all respond, always and right away, and for as long as is called for.  But the pride I have in my work has been replaced by a sense of inadequacy lately.  The net result of all my efforts is, frankly, embarassing.  I’m always small, never long and thick like I used to be.  To be honest, I’m feeling pretty useless.

My friends the Testicles, however, accomplish their function just fine.  Yes, they’re squeezed too, and I’m sure the pain that sets in after the first few minutes isn’t fun for them.  But at least they can get their work done.  I can’t.  Lately I’ve been wondering whether I should even try anymore.  I suppose I could just give up, and face the fact that I can’t do what most men’s penises can do.  I suspect that after a while I stop trying since it never seems to do any good.  What will become of me then?

The other major issue is this lack of contact with the outside world.  The only thing I can feel is these hard walls, and the occasional lubricated cotton swab.  Where’s my favorite hand?  What happened to that vagina I enjoyed so much?  Why don’t they come to visit anymore?

Just like solitary confinement, there is a serious sensory deprivation thing going on here, and it’s making me crazy.  I used to get fondled here or there — at least touched several times per day in the bathroom, for Aphrodite’s sake.  But lately: nothing.  No sensation at all.  After a while I just become numb, no feelings, I wonder if I even exist.

Being numb all the time means, of course, that I can’t squirt.  The Testicles are a bit upset about that too.  If I can’t squirt, their efforts are wasted.  They have been cranking out a lot of fluid lately, especially with all the extended stimulation going on out there.  But I can’t deliver it!  It just collects there in that gland.  If I can’t feel anything, it won’t come out.

I’ve heard stories from other penises about imprisonment like this.  Many of the younger ones come out just fine, especially if the sentence isn’t too long.  But some of the stories are pretty sad: some end up shorter and thinner, many just don’t respond well any more, and some (shudder) end up useless.

I’m not giving in to the fear, not yet.  I’m still giving it my all, even though it seems in vain.  I’m going to keep pushing against these walls and hoping for some skin-to-skin contact someday soon.  I suppose eventually I’ll succumb, though.  I’ll be forced to retire and dangle limply forever after.  In that case maybe I’ll pray for a miracle.  I’ve heard fantastic stories of penises being turned into vaginas.  It would be pretty cool to see the world from the other side, but that’s probably beyond dreaming about and certainly out of my control.

Actually, everything feels out of my control right now.  But I’m going to keep trying.  Someday I may have no choice but to give up and retire into uselessness.  Until then I’m going to keep pressing against these walls and keep wishing for some touch.  Wish me luck?

Tiny really is tiny

Last night my wife spent some time comparing her new vibrator with tiny (her name for my cock).  It was a bit of a shock to have to face this reality, but tiny really is smaller than I realized.

I suppose most men have a somewhat inflated sense about the size of their cocks.  I have always considered myself slightly above average in length and at least average thickness.  But I think I’ve been proved wrong.

We were in bed and she was teasing me with her vibrator, stimulating tiny and my nipples.  It was very erotic and tiny got as hard as he’s been in weeks.  Then came the shock: she put her vibrator next to my cock and her vibrator was significantly longer.

Her vibrator is not some monster unit. The box says it is 5.25 inches long. Tiny was definitely smaller by more than a quarter-inch, which means, sadly, that my erect cock is significantly less than 5 inches long.  That is quite a blow.

“Well that explains quite a lot, doesn’t it?” she asked.  “Yes Maam”.  “It’s probably quite embarassing for you to realize that this little vibrator is bigger than your cock, isn’t it?”  “Yes Maam. It’s very clear now that I have an inadequate cock. I’m sorry.”  She tried to console me, “Well, you can’t help it if you were born with a small and barely useful penis.  At least I now have this so that I can finally feel something inside me.”

I told her I was very happy that she was able to get sufficient pleasure from her new toy.  She pointed out that besides the larger size, her vibrator had other wonderful features.  Yes, it has various vibration settings, but she also pointed out that it was always hard and so it could never disappoint her.  She also said she liked how it didn’t make a mess, that it didn’t bother her with it’s own needs, and that she could just keep it in a drawer until she felt horny.

She then proceeded to use it to orgasm while I watched.  It felt like a new experience, though, as the truth settled into my mind about my lack of sufficient manhood.  Watching her pleasure herself is erotic to me, and I wish that it was me inside her instead.

After her climax I was still erect, and she looked over at tiny and laughed.  “Look at how small tiny is!  So pathetic.  It’s almost sad,” but clearly she thought it was quite funny.  She had me smell and lick her juices off the vibrator as she belittled my hard but now shrinking dick.

Until now I felt like it was something we had played with, more of a mind-fuck than reality.  But I could not dispute that side-by-side comparison.  It was like I was seeing my own cock for the first time, as it really is – small.  All her comments in the past about it being a good size for her and such were apparently simple kindness on her part, not wanting me to feel inadequate.  I love her so much.

However, it’s now very clear to me that that I am indeed inadequate.  I’m slowly accepting that now.  My worthless cock really does need to be locked up, since masturbation is about all it is good for anymore.  I see why our future is about her sexual pleasure, not mine.  And I’m sincerely happy that her new vibrator is a great source of pleasure for her.

For those just tuning in (my readership recently spiked – yay!), my wife had tiny pierced on Saturday with a Prince Albert captive bead ring, 8 gauge.

Another development is that we went shopping for more girl panties for me to wear.  I now have over a dozen pair of both cotton and silky women’s panties.  I had to move all of my men’s underwear out of my dresser and into storage to make room.  I will be in panties every day going forward.

I think I was washing dishes when my wife asked me how I liked wearing panties.  I told her I liked it a lot, they were comfortable and I thought they were pretty.  She said “You’re such a sissy, aren’t you?  Do you like being called a sissy?”  I told her I did, since that’s how I often see myself, especially now.  I was a little surprised how comfortable she seemed to be with that.

Later she asked me me some questions revisiting the topic of my sense of gender.  She asked straight out: “Do you ever think about having a sex change?” I told her the truth, that I do think about that, but “I know I wouldn’t pass the psychological testing for it.”

To clarify, she asked “So it’s not about feeling you are the wrong gender in your body?”  Again I answered honestly: “No, it’s just that I’d like to experience the world as a woman, even just crossdressing.  Living like that for, say, a year, would be amazing to me.”  She queried “What about surgery?”  I responded that “I would consider it, but I accept that it’s unlikely to really happen.”  She seemed satisfied and left it at that.

I haven’t told her yet about how I’ve been feeling jealous about her sexy body.  I look at her lovely breasts, her sexy shape, her beautiful vulva and tantalizing clitoris, and I wish I had those features.  Maybe someday I can tell her how I wish I had pretty breasts and a vagina that men could use for their pleasure.

Again, I don’t want to read too much into all this.  But her reinforcing that my cock is puny and inadequate, her ongoing interest in castrating me, and the multiple discussions about me having a sex change – it all seems just a little frightening, in a good way, I think.  I feel quite sure the surgical items are just a mind- fuck, but who knows what our future may hold.  I love that she accepts me as I am and that she is willing to hear my truth.  The rest I continue to completely turn over to her.

Bloody Sunday

This is a true-life blog, and real experiences aren’t always wonderful.  I’m very excited about my new piercing, but what happened yesterday was a bit less than fun.

I was doing the dishes, wearing boxers as recommended by the piercer so that tiny could hang free to aid in healing.  I had been daydreaming about being unable to escape from chastity and what that might mean in our relationship.  Of course that led to an erection, my first (conscious) one since getting the Prince Albert ring installed.

I felt a wetness on my thigh and looked down to find a bunch of blood.  A portion of my boxers were saturated with red.  I went to the bathroom to clean up, and surprisingly didn’t pass out — I don’t do well with the sight of blood, particularly my own.  Things cleaned up fairly well, but it was a little freaky.  I was warned there might be some non-trivial bleeding early on during the healing process.

I’m sure it was the erection that stressed things.  Since then there have been no problems.  From the beginning I’ve had virtually no pain, even when peeing.  For those wondering if the piercing hurt:  hell yes.  But pain can be a doorway.

Later on Sunday my wife decided that we were going to buy her a new dildo.  Since I won’t be able to fuck her for weeks, she wanted to be sure that at least something would be penetrating her to help her keep her vaginal tone.  Just because tiny was out of commission for a while does not mean that her sexual activity should suffer in any way.

That evening she ensured that I was watching close-up as she pleasured herself with her new toy.  It was quite frustrating to see something sliding in and out of her, knowing it wasn’t me.  The dildo was wet and glistening with her juices, which I could smell, so it was very erotic for both of us.  She experimented with the vibration settings, and with my face just inches from her pussy I watched her orgasm with her “new lover”.

It was somewhat humiliating, watching my wife pleasure herself without my involvement (other than having to watch).  It’s not that I haven’t seen her masturbate before.  But the context was different.  Her sex life for the next month or so will not include my cock, but a substitute that she seemed to really enjoy instead.  Tiny can’t vibrate, so relatively he is even less useful.

I also realized that this experience was only one step away from a cuckolding experience.  Watching her enjoy the penetration of a dildo is only a little different from watching her enjoy being penetrated by another man’s cock.  I plan to post something soon discussing my perspective on becoming her cuckold.  It’s been a fantasy of mine to be a sissy, submissive cuckold for her and her lover(s).  Thinking about it happening for real, though… it’s a bit frightening, yet compellingly erotic.  I don’t actually know that it’s her plan at all, and I’m leaving that 100% up to her.

What is certain is that I now have a hole in my dick that will be used to ensure that my future chastity is escape-proof.  The possibility of cheating with the CB-3000 was always there, and somehow that was comforting to me.  But there is a finality to this new phase of chastity, where she will indeed be fully in charge of my cock 24×7.

A Prince is Born

I’m still in shock.  It all happened so fast.  Wow.

As mentioned in my last post, I approached my wife about getting a new chastity device.  We were looking quite seriously at the Queen’s Keep by Mature Metal, an excellent looking device at a very reasonable price.  It got a great review here.

I mentioned to my wife that a piercing in combination with a device like this would make it inescapable.  I suggested that a padlock through the piercing would be an option we could explore in the future.  I figured we’d start with the device, and explore increasing security later.

I sent my wife links, and later she came to talk with me.  She had done some piercing research on her own, and asked me what I thought about getting a Reverse Prince Albert piercing.  She said she really liked the look of it.  I was a bit surprised, as I know she hadn’t been fond of the regular Prince Albert piercing because of how it went through the urethra.

I hadn’t considered the Reverse PA before, but told her that I’d be more than willing.  A penis piercing is about the only way I know of to achieve 100% escape-proof chastity (without serious damage to your own cock anyway).

She surprised me by telling me to call our preferred piercing parlor, discuss the issues with a professional piercer there, and then talk it over more with her.  To me this meant she was at least half-serious.  The piercer recommended against the Reverse PA for a variety of reasons:  difficulty of the piercing, pain (it’s the most painful male genital piercing), and the long healing time of about 8 months.  He suggested an Apadravya instead or a regular PA.

Discussing his recommendations with my wife, and reviewing more photos, she decided that a regular PA would be fine.  I figured this was all sort of pre-research to help us feel better about ordering the Queen’s Keep.

But she shocked me by instructing me to make an appointment to get pierced tonight.  So I did.  And it happened.

As I said, I’m still in shock.

Looking down, tiny has an 8 gauge captive-bead ring running through his head, very similar to the Regular PA photo on Wikipedia (see link above).  It will take 2-10 weeks to heal fully, at which point a lock or chastity device designed for a PA could be used.

In other words, it looks like I’m likely to be in escape-proof chastity very soon.  The phrase “be careful what you wish for” comes to mind.

My wife pointed out that intercourse during the healing process might risk or delay healing, so she won’t be letting me fuck her for probably at least a month.  She also said she doesn’t want to go without something in her pussy for her pleasure for that long.  I’m not sure where that is going.

If any of my readers have personal experience with chastity devices that incorporate PA piercings in some way, please comment.  I could use product recommendations as well as stories about what hasn’t worked.  Links to reviews and such would be appreciated too.  Of course I’ll be looking myself as well.

More breakage

While shopping yesterday, I discovered that my CB-3000 broke yet again.  This will be my second repair of the device in the 9 days we’ve been using it 24×7.  My wife doesn’t like me having to be unlocked to repair it – being unsupervised in my workshop.  And I am frustrated at how much maintenance this thing is taking.

To be fair, this plastic chastity unit is over 5 years old, it has some mileage on it, and it was low-cost.  Prior problems have included splitting on the side at the seam, cracking of the base ring at the hinge, and the two plastic posts coming out.  The seam splitting was the worst.  When I swelled up, the cage would come apart there, and the thin skin on the shaft of my cock would get caught in the crack.  The pinching that resulted not only hurt terribly, but bled a little and took days to heal.  I tried several methods to glue it, and none held for long.  Eventually I cleaned the hell out of it and then was generous with some superglue.  Thankfully that’s been holding.

When the two original plastic pins started pulling out, I replaced them with some just-right sized steel pins I had laying around my workshop.  I had to increase the sizes of the pin-related holes just a little bit, including in the base rings.  But that was the easy part.  Gluing the pins so they would stay proved less easy.  I figured JB Weld would last forever, but that’s what gave out yesterday.  Probably not enough surface area, or inadequate cleaning before gluing, caused the failure.  Those pins take a lot of force when I swell up, and that back-and-forth pressure could have loosened them too.

Fortunately again, superglue seems to be holding.  But between my frustration and my wife’s disappointment, it seems like it may be time for a chastity device upgrade.  I suggested to her that we consider a new one, and she sounded in favor of it.  About a year ago I put together a slide show for her illustrating how 30 different chastity devices looked.  The visual aspect was most important to her, so seeing actual cocks locked in actual cages helped.  Unfortunately nothing stood out as a winner.

We have the typical chastity conundrum: how to balance security, aesthetics, wearability, security, and cost.  I’m going to add cleanliness to the list, as I’ve really noticed that it’s hard to keep my CB-3000 clean.  To be blunt, tiny starts to smell pretty bad after only a couple of days.  One option is to go through an unlocking ritual that often, but it would be ideal to be able to stay clean while remaining locked.

I’m going to look on-line and propose something to her.  With any luck, santa will bring be a new cock cage to prevent me from having any orgasms.

2B Thankful

Yesterday was Thanksgiving.  Our plan this year was to have a friend over for a relatively traditional meal, but he cancelled.  So the two of us had the day to ourselves instead.

I was feeling especially horny all morning, and I let my wife know by holding her, and kissing her neck, and rubbing my locked up genitals against her crotch.  I figured it was futile, but my body was clearly craving some sexual contact.  I felt like an animal, plaintively humping her, pleading with my caged cock between her thighs.

Twice she gently pushed me away, and I got productive around the house for a short while.  But I guess the third time was the charm.

In the kitchen I playfully started humping her ass, and she bent over a counter.  We were both in our casual clothes including blue jeans, so it wasn’t some picturesque sex scene.  I begged to be unlocked and to be able to go inside her.  She said “ok”.  I was completely sure that what she meant was that I could put the end of my cage into her pussy opening – a teasing way she lets me “inside” her without releasing me from chastity.

I unbuckled her pants and slid them and her panties down to her ankles, lowering my pants and panties as well.  She spread her knees and I pushed the cage up between her pussy lips and put some pressure on her clitoris.  She started grinding herself against the plastic.  I couldn’t feel anything, but she obviously did as she soon achieved an orgasm.

I figured that would be it for the day.  She turned around and asked “Would tiny like to go inside me?”  Fully expecting more tease and denial, I said “Yes, ok yes please,” begging like someone starving.  I was stunned to hear her next words: “Ok, fetch me the key”.

Less than a minute later I was unlocked, the first time in almost a full week (excluding brief cleanings).  We both noticed that tiny was about half-hard.  That sort of surprised me since I was really, really horny, and getting fully erect quickly is usually easy for me.

She said I can try and see if I can get tiny inside of her, suggesting that he might not be up to the task.  I actually wondered myself, a wonderful mind-fuck, being unlocked from a week of chastity and then doubting whether you’ll be able to get it up.

Fortunately I found I could get inside her, but she only let the tip in, and wouldn’t let me go all the way inside her.  That didn’t matter, it felt incredible to feel her pussy wrapped around the head of my cock again.  It didn’t take long for me to have a very intense and long orgasm.  My wife did not orgasm again, reinforcing the inadequacy of tiny to satisfy her.

Apparently I did cum quite a bit, as my wife said later it felt like a “cum douche” as it ran out of her.   I’m not sure I ever got 100% erect.  That makes me wonder if the tight confinement of the cage, and the ongoing teasing coupled with the inability  have a full erection (not to mention the aching), is having an effect.  Probably all according to her plan.

Anyway, tiny definitely had something to be thankful for.  The opportunity to be inside my wife and keyholder’s pussy is worthy of gratitude, since it is for me now a rare occurrence.

Epic Fail

Boy did I blow it. I’ve been locked up almost a week now, and my wife and keyholder sends me a text yesterday afternoon suggesting that maybe she would let me cum that night. Well, a “maybe” seemed pretty exciting.

In the morning I was having some discomfort with the panties I told her I was going to wear.  So I switched to something else during the day, and then switched back before I got home.  I was careless about it, and she discovered what I had done.

Not surprisingly, she cancelled my release. And it was worse than I thought. She said “I was even going to let tiny inside me. Would you have liked that? Feeling my warm, moist pussy wrapped around your tiny cock?” “Yes, Maam, I would have liked that very much,” I responded. She stated “Well, not only is that not going to happen, but this transgression will mean keeping you locked up for even longer. I’m so upset right now I don’t know when or even if I will feel like unlocking you.”

Later that night she had me retrieve a leather paddle we’ve had for years, and she used it to severely spank by ass until it was red and hurting. She said she wanted it to be very clear that this type of deception was not ok, and that some punishment was certainly in order. I did not argue.

Part of me wonders if she was really going to let me penetrate her, or if she chose to embellish the details of my release once she knew it wasn’t going to happen, just to make the consequences seem worse. I’ll never know. Regardless, it’s clear that I shouldn’t expect any release for a while.

A few days ago she asked me how long I had been locked up for in the past. I wasn’t sure, and suggested a few weeks. She didn’t think that was right, and was certain it had been at least over a month. I wasn’t going to argue, and I don’t actually remember. But my sense was that she was maybe setting expectations for the amount of time between my releases. That’s just a guess, I could be completely wrong.

She also said she is enjoying the sound of the padlock clicking on my chastity device when I am naked and walking around at home (usually before and after bedtime). She called it a comforting sound that reinforces that my worthless cock is locked up. I used to wrap a fuzzy elastic hair tie around the lock to keep it from making so much noise. But she doesn’t want that now.

She was also curious if it clicked when I was dressed, such as at work. I told her that it did make a little noise sometimes when I was allowed to wear boy underwear. But now that she has me only wearing sissy panties, they are usually snug and keep the lock from flopping around.

I’m also expecting that over the long weekend she will want tiny to have a bath. That sounds innocent enough, but she’s mentioned using a scrubbing pad recently, to “ensure that he gets good and clean”. Given that she’s unhappy with me, the image of my cock in her hands with a scouring pad is just a little worrisome.