Uncuckness

My prior post left off with me being worried about not stressing sex with my wife enough when she forced me to share my fantasies with her. It turns out I wasn’t in a lot of trouble for that. She was just distracted with other things in her life. I interpreted her lack of response to my explanations as me being in the doghouse. Wrong.

We talked at length over dinner yesterday about chastity, sex between us, and other related topics. These was more Real Talking, outside of our D/s roles. She surprised me with a few things. One was that she doesn’t consider celibacy for herself a bad thing. She’s previously gone for up to 2 years (e.g. between marriages) without sex. As she put it, “I can direct that energy elsewhere.” It doesn’t take long before it’s just not that important to her.

She concedes that it’s probably much different for a female to do that than for a male. At that point she smiled, looked at me, and said “You probably didn’t think about that possibility when you agreed to let me lock you up and decide when you’re released, did you?” And it’s true, I certainly did not consider that she’s let us both go without sex for perhaps years.

I was also surprised to hear that she has no interest in sex with other men. That was quite a letdown for me. She is quite comfortable teasing me about being a cuckold. But it sounds like I’m not likely at all to actually become one. I feel bad that my chastity then limits her access to all intercourse. That was not my intention – but the decision is hers. I did not push the issue.

This morning I changed things up a little. I wore only my large leather collar for the morning’s housework (dishes, cleaning the floor, etc). It was interesting being naked instead of crossdressed. My wife seemed amused, but otherwise impartial about it, which left me feeling very slave-like. Later she admitted she had all sorts of feelings about seeing me working naked (she felt powerful, sometimes aroused, etc), but purposely did not let me know about them to reinforce my servitude. Nicely done, Mistress.

I gave her a present today. It was a card offering some items that she could use on me if and when she wanted to, including never. Sounds like bottoming from the top, perhaps. But consider this: I hate needles. I actually can pass out just watching a shot, or when giving blood. My gift was a set of needles and alcohol wipes. The card highlighted that this was about letting my boundaries be in her hands, how much I trust her, and giving myself fully to her. It feels really scary to turn that over, but I wanted to.

I have to end early tonight. She just went upstairs and told me she will be thinking about me licking her pussy. I don’t want her to lose that thought before I can join her in bed.

Fantasy Fuckup

Quite a bit happened in bed with my wife last night. All verbal. And I think I might be in trouble again.

First she said she was going to tell me a story about how she dropped something off next door at work. The man who owns that adjacent business is a young, attractive black man that my wife teases me about a lot. She told me she hung around in his lobby area until he had finished up with a client. She gave him a package, and he seemed appreciative. I know that much is actually true. But her story was far from over.

He took her to a back room and locked the door. There he ripped her pants and panties off and pushed her up against a wall. She felt his big black cock between her legs, so she spread them so that he had easier access to her wet and waiting pussy. She went on about how great it felt to have his man-sized, thick cock slide into her. I noticed she was fingering herself in bed as she described the scene in great detail.

“He is such an incredible lover, he soooo knows how to please a woman. He gave me four orgasms, you know. He really knows how to use his mouth, his tongue, his hands, all just right on my clit and pussy, and it feels amazing. His penis is awesome, 8 or 9 inches and thick, and I just love how it feels inside me. There is really no comparison at all with your puny, shriveled, useless white flesh hanging down there.”

She said she was so loud while they were having sex that she is sure that people heard, not only at his business but where she works next door (and it is true that you can hear through those walls). “I’m sure people not only know that he’s my lover, but they probably heard us laughing about your tiny cock, how it’s less than half his size. So next time you see him, you’ll know. And since word gets around, all the girls at my work probably know by now too.”

She reached down and felt that my cock was erect. “Why does that make you hard?” she asked. I fumbled for an answer. “Well, it’s erotic, and, um, I’m really happy that you are getting good sex. And,” I said hesitantly, “it’s really humiliating.” She laughed, “Well, you seem to enjoy being humiliated, don’t you”. I could only agree, “Yes, Ma’am.”

She put her hand around my balls, and felt them with her fingers. “Wow, these are so small, like raisins. My lover’s balls are huge, like lemons. They would have to be, to hold as much sperm as he pumps into me. Your balls are a joke. You know that? Do they embarrass you?”. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Then she switched gears and started playing with my nipples. Being already aroused, this instantly put me into a state of wanting an orgasm. I was bucking my hips, panting, moaning, and desperately craving touch on my cock that I knew she would not allow.

“Tell me your fantasies,” she commanded. I stammered “Um, I have a lot of them, I don’t know…” That was not the answer she wanted, so she increased her stimulation of my nipples and simplified it for me. “Tell me something you fantasize about. Right now!” I blurted out that I fantasize about men’s cocks.

“Of course you do,” she said and pressed for details. “What about them?” Her fingernails continued moving back and forth across my sensitive nipples, perpetuating my frenzy. It was hard to think, much less talk. I blurted out what I could. “Licking and sucking them. Swallowing cum. Having them fuck me.” She summarized it this way: “You’re just a little faggot, aren’t you?”. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“What else?” she demanded. My mind reeled as she kept up the tit torment. “I fantasize about dressing pretty or slutty.” She laughed, “Of course you do, you are a slut. What else!?”. I struggled for more. “Um, I dream about having real breasts.” She laughed again, “What a sissy. Maybe you need a sex change, so you can date men and marry a man someday. Is that it?” I said, “No Ma’am.”

“What else? I can tell there is more. Tell me!” she continued. I struggled to think. “I fantasize about watching other men fuck you.” She urged me on with “…and?” Embarrassed, I said “And licking their cum out of your pussy.” She was relentless, “…and?!”

“I don’t know, I can’t think of anything else!” I cried. Her inquisition did not end. “There is more you’re not telling me, what else?!” My body felt out of control sexually, going crazy for some genital stimulation instead of the nipple attention. “Nothing else, Mistress, I don’t know!” I sobbed.

“Don’t you want to be tied up, and to let me beat and torture you?” she asked. I felt stupid for missing those things, “Yes, Ma’am, I definitely fantasize about those things too, of course.” She pushed me for more, but I could not think any more.

She stopped. “Well, I noticed you didn’t say that you wanted to fuck me. You only talked about men – men fucking you or fucking me. I guess you aren’t interested in sex with me anymore, is that it?” Oh shit. “No, that’s not true!” I gasped, “I do want to be inside you, I really, really do. I think about it a lot, I just don’t consider it, well, fantasy.” She didn’t buy it, even though I sincerely meant it.

I thought it would help, so I said “Just this morning I was thinking about sex with you, as I showered after my workout.” She asked me if I masturbated. “No Ma’am, I did stroke myself a little, but I did not orgasm.” She was upset, “So you masturbated!?” Trying to clarify, I said “No, I didn’t cum! I just played with myself a bit.” We argued about whether masturbation included an orgasm, and she insisted it did not.

Finally she said “Well, that chastity device can’t come soon enough. It’s going right on and I’m tempted to lock those locks and throw away the keys — all of them. I don’t see any reason to give that useless so- called cock of yours any attention at all, ever again. You can’t seem to keep from playing with it despite me being clear with you about not masturbating. Leaving it locked up forever is sounding pretty good right now.”

I tried to clarify, to help her understand how I do crave sex with her. She still didn’t buy it, saying “I asked if you had any more fantasies, and you said no. I wasn’t on your list. That’s fine. You’re gay, maybe in the wrong gender body. Whatever. I am quite capable of finding men who can sexually satisfy me. Good night.”

The first thing this morning I wrote her an email, trying again to clarify things. She only acknowledged that she had read it. I get off work in the early afternoon today to start a 4-day weekend. I have no idea what to expect when I get home.

Rewarded

I claimed my reward last night. My wife set an expectation for my behavior over the holidays, and I succeeded in earning an orgasm. Things are back to normal after the holidays (and the Rough Road a few days ago).

She arrived home from work to find me wearing a nice black and white winter-motif knit dress she bought me a couple of weeks ago. It fits me very well and I think I look really good in it. I had on knee-high black leather lace-up boots with 3.5 inch heels, matching earrings, a tight girdle, and my hair up in a high ponytail.

I had completed all the things she wanted me to do while she finished her late work day. As she walked into the house I started making her supper. I had already eaten so I served her as soon as it was ready, and then I cleaned up. She seemed pleased.

While getting ready for bed, she asked if I wanted to claim my reward tonight. “Yes!” was my enthusiastic answer. Later in bed she asked me how I wanted to do it. Oh, the thrill of having options! I chose to simply masturbate, and I asked her if she would “tell me a story”. She agreed, and thought for a few moments before she started her tale.

Her story focused on a wimpy husband with a puny, worthless cock. He was good for cleaning and other menial tasks, and deserved to be dressed like the slave and servant that he was. His wife was so sexually unsatisfied that she had to find other men to fuck, real men with big cocks that she could actually feel inside her. Muscular, black men with thick cocks that could really satisfy her need for great sex.

She went on about how the ridiculous, tiny, pinkish dick of this husband needed to be locked up in chastity because it wasn’t good for anything. His wonderful wife did allow him to masturbate on rare occasions. The last time she did, she decided it would be a month until his next orgasm.

This pussy husband, she continued, dreamed about other men’s cocks. She said he recently watched a movie and lusted over some of the black men in it, thinking about their big, dark penises. He fantasized about those manly dicks getting rammed up his sissy hole, fucking him long and hard, and how much he enjoyed that. Although he could not provide pleasure with his own dinky dick, he could provide pleasure to other men’s real cocks.

That’s when I came. She stopped her story, and I relished the orgasm. The imagery of her story lingered as I enjoyed the intensity, and then floated in post-orgasmic contentment. I noticed that I had no pain or soreness from masturbating, which suggests that my PA piercing may be fully healed now. Yay!

I cuddled up to her in bed and thanked her for the reward. She asked me if I liked her story, and I said that I really did. She pointed out that I didn’t seem to last very long, which sort of embarrassed me. She noted that her story had some similarities to our situation. I laughed. Then she said that there was one part that was true: the part about how long it will be until the next orgasm. I said “Yes, Mistress.”

This strikes me as a milestone. It’s the first time she’s decided on a period of time for me to be chaste. I wonder about things like time off for good behavior, or a longer sentence if I don’t meet her expectations. I guess I have several weeks to find out those details.

A bit later she asked me why I like to crossdress. We’ve discussed it before, but she seemed to want more details. I told her how I like the sensuality of the different clothing. Long ago it used to be taboo and erotic, whereas now it feels like it completes me in some way. I love feeling and looking feminine.

She complimented me again at how good I look lately. She said my choices about outfit combinations, accessories, and makeup is much improved. I thanked her for her help with that, particularly buying nice things for me. And I acknowledge that hairstyles are still my weakest point.

She said she wanted to go through my closet (of women’s clothing) and get rid of some things. She said she prefers me looking less slutty, unless of course it is her wish to dress me like a whore. “Yes, Ma’am”. I wish! She talked about buying more nice things for me at her favorite women’s clothing store. They know here there, and she said the staff probably knows that she’s buying things for me. That made me blush.

A while back she gave me some lavender women’s pajamas which I really enjoy wearing at night. Men’s PJs are so plain and basic. These have nice pretty seams and even a ribbon for the waist tie. She also bought me these fuzzy white and pink slippers with pom-poms. Sometimes I’ll just spend the evening in my girlie jammies; it feels so right.

Although I like feeling and looking female, I also like it when she calls me her sissy husband, or worse. Sometimes I wonder why her humiliation is erotic for me, but mostly I just enjoy it, particularly since I know she enjoys embarrassing me.

Tonight she teased me about dropping something off next door to where she works. This is where the black man works who she says is the “father” of our biracial children (our twin life-like dolls). I believe she really did talk with him in person today. And she teased me about how he looked at her (wanting her).

I’m glad we’re together.

Rocky Road

Real life issues are an unavoidable aspect of a real-life relationship with a D/s focus. All the fantasy stories focus only on the kinky play. But family, work, bills, medical issues, and many other everyday issues still require attention. The relationship itself also needs care and feeding. And the holiday season can pretty heavily redirect the focus to the mundane.

Thus it was for us. I had some hope that my five days off of work over Christmas might be quite a wild ride. But we were scheduled with friends or family most days, with prep activities and related discussions in between. As noted in my previous post, the first two days were a bit rocky for me.

My behavior was much, much better the next two days. In fact, my wife was so pleased that I earned two rewards. The first was to be able to lick her to an orgasm on day three. By the end of day four I had earned an orgasm. And that’s when the train went off the tracks.

After a holiday gathering I got a little freaked out by some things that were said at a relative’s house. It seemed like our life and relationship might be impacted in a major way. I didn’t do very well expressing my concerns to my wife, and she got hurt. So day four ended in flames, and I was not in any mood to enjoy my earned orgasm (although she did offer it to me).

Day five was an emotional recovery day for both of us. Lots of talking, only some of it productive. It was really hard for both of us for a while. My interpretations of the original event were off-base, as was my reaction. She was upset, and I spent some time crying in bed and upset myself, worried about how I had hurt her.

I take it really hard when our relationship is hurting because of me. I experience a lot of fear and sadness about my role in fucking things up. And I have so much regret, I feel like I can’t ever do enough to make things right. I just feel devastated when I fuck things up. I suppose that’s part of why our D/s roles work so well for us. It’s truly core for me to do what I can to make her happy. Making her unhappy rots me from the inside.

One of my coping skills is to be busy doing something. So while she was out I washed the kitchen floor, vaccuumed most of the house, and cleaned the floor of her office (something she’d been wanting for a while). She didn’t mention any of it when she returned, but later thanked me for cleaning her office. We went out to dinner, and by the end of the day things felt almost back to normal. She even teased me a little again.

We watched a movie together in bed, and one of the strong women actresses was running down her daughter’s husband. She said he was acting like a wet, wimpy, whipped dog just following her around. My wife looked at me and said “I like the sound of that, it makes me wet.” And she meant it. I took that as a good sign that things were getting back on track.

This week she will be ramping up on the medication that makes her horny. I have no idea how she will be addressing her sexual needs. She seems to have no problem denying mine lately. All as it should be.

This coming weekend is another long one. I have 2 days off work. We have a relative visiting one of those evenings, and we have one holiday visit to relatives planned. But otherwise it looks to be a 4-day weekend mostly with time for us. Let go, breathe, let go.

We are both disappointed that my housekeeping dress hasn’t arrived yet. I’m looking forward to really looking the role of her house servant. White tights, white work shoes, and a woman’s hotel cleaning outfit will help to reinforce my role as her sissy, submissive husband. I know she will be very happy when it comes.

It’s been 2 weeks since we ordered the chastity device, so there are 2-3 weeks left before it arrives. I’m hoping the PA lock will arrive about the same time (more about that when I order it next week). My 4.5 week old PA piercing continues to look like it’s healing excellently. That suggests that my wife will want to install me in chastity as soon as the JailBird arrives.

I’m going to focus this week on my behavior and attitude, working extra hard on keeping my emotional responses in check, and being respectful to her 100% of the time. That is how I want to be for her, as I know that will make her happy.

Things are feeling back to normal between us today. After work I have instructions to fix an issue with her computer, attend to our babies (the life-like dolls that represent children she’s “had” by one of her “many black lovers”), and to prepare a light dinner for her. It feels wonderful to be able to serve her.

I’m thinking that a good new year’s resolution for me is to be the best submissive I can be.

The Talk #2

I suspected it was going to happen. We had another discussion yesterday, a followup to The Talk. I sort of knew it was coming.

She said she had some more questions, and we needed to talk about it without the D/S (Dominant/submissive) overhead. She wanted my real-life answers. She started by pointing out that I have asked a lot recently about having sex with her, and that apparently that’s something I want. I agreed. So she asked why I wanted to be locked up and cuckolded.

I thought about it for a moment, and asked her if we could start with the assumption that my cock is inadequate for her to be sexually satisfied by me. She said no (although we would return to that topic shortly). So then I pointed out that chastity play has been, on and off, part of our relationship since we met. And that the new device is just a new level of that play (inescapable lock-up).

I also revisited my new sense of wanting to submit more completely to her, including turning over my sexuality to her. It’s not that I’d never have sex or orgasms, it’s that she would get to decide what and when. I conceded that I do want to have sex with her, very much, but that I consider her pleasure of much higher priority than mine. It’s about upgrading the power exchange in our relationship, and me giving her total control.

She seemed ok with that, and then surprised me by asking if I was doing this willingly. I said that I certainly was, and that I felt no sense of coercion or pressure at all from her. My goal is to make her happy and to deepen my submission and service to her.

“What about your cock?” she asked. “Do you really believe – for real – that it’s inadequate?” I told her that until recently I did not, but I’m honestly not 100% sure any more. She said “Is that because I suggested that I’ve been faking orgasms with you for years? Do you think I’m that much of a liar?” Ok, I thought to myself, a little more of a minefield here than I expected…

I explained that I didn’t see it as lying if she was being kind by not calling me a terrible lover with a useless cock. I told her that I didn’t think she had been faking orgasms, but really, how would I truly know? I said that now I am going to trust what she tells me, regardless of what I thought I knew before. She took a few moments to take that all in, and said “Ok.”

I went over to her, knelt in front of her, and hugged her. She rubbed my head a little. I worked up some courage and asked her “Am I an inadequate lover?”. She burst out laughing. “Well, it wasn’t easy for me to fake all those orgasms over these ten years, you know. I only did it so you’d hurry up and cum, and then get that useless thing out of me.” Emotionally it was like a slap, but in an oddly good way. I felt like smiling and crying. I just said “Yes, Ma’am, I’m so sorry.”

Later in the day we were driving in the car, and she asked some more questions. “So, once you’re locked up, how often do you expect that you’d be getting sex? Once every one, or maybe two, years?” I was shocked. “Two years?!?” I cried. Would my wife really not allow me to fuck her for years? “Well, how often then? Weeks? Months?” she asked. I fumbled for words, and said “I don’t know, maybe months?”

“Well,” she started, “I’m not sure I see the point at all. I consider you my cuckold already, even though you’re not locked up yet. And since I’ll be meeting my needs by having sex with other men and women, I don’t know why I’d want you back inside me.” I responded “Yes, Mistress. The decisions about when I get released, and what for, are yours, not mine.” She flatly stated “Yes, that is very true.”

I’m amazed at her mind-fuck proficiency. She had me admit my sense of reality, but didn’t play her hand as to what her reality was. My perception is that I likely was an adequate lover in years past, but she’s been completely consistent lately about undermining that perception. Although I suspect she’s playing the game hard, I can’t say for 100% certain that she didn’t fake orgasms.

love licking clit

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Yesterday my behavior was very good all day. She rewarded me by letting her lick her clit at bedtime, helping her achieve an orgasm. After she had enjoyed the afterglow of her pleasuring, I asked her if that orgasm was real. She gave a little laugh, and said that it was, and how good it felt. She’s feeling better lately physically and is quickly returning to her prior state of being horny most of the time.

She told me that, if my behavior today is excellent, she would reward me. I have no idea what that is, but I’m hoping for something nice.

Baditude

Damn – my ass has been paddled a lot lately. And with reason.

Yesterday we had a situation at our house (I’ll spare you the details), and my wife wanted to address the issue a certain way. I disagreed, and rather than be polite about it I was grumpy. Ok, I was a bit of an asshole. Not good.

You may recall that I had planned to kneel in front of her after work on Wednesday and put myself in her service for the next 5 days. She declined that, saying she considered the arrangement already in place. And she reminded me that my (linked-chain) necklace was, in fact, a collar. So for me to be anything but her cooperative servant/slave this long weekend will end up being bad for me.

Yesterday her discipline for my bad attitude was to redden my bottom using our nice leather paddle. I was yelling so much (yes, it hurt) that she stuffed one of her dirty socks in my mouth. I reluctantly admit that it worked pretty well to quiet me down.

Today we disagreed about something in the kitchen around lunchtime. Again my attitude was not appropriate. Within the hour I was bent over the bed again upstairs. This time her implements were the red paddle, two of her favorite rattan canes, and our biggest wooden paddle with bumpy tire tread on one side. She wailed on my ass this time, clearly unhappy about two issues in only two days.

After that she told me to clean the downstairs bathroom to be spotless. And she strapped the spiked breast binders around me so the spikes were digging into my red ass cheeks. Certain movements really tightened it, causing significant pain. She seemed pleased at the arrangement. Just over an hour later the bathroom was ready to pass her inspection (and later did – whew!).

I hope I can keep my attitude in check. My butt hurts.

I really do want to descend further into submission. It’s important to me to really be able to give myself completely to her. And I sincerely regret it when my pride, selfishness, or independence gets in the way of my service to her. And not just because of being punished. I feel bad emotionally for letting both her and myself down.

Deep down I know she wants me to submit to her completely. And I want to give that gift to her. It’s not surprising to me that I struggle sometimes, this level of change isn’t trivial. But I do get frustrated with myself sometimes for getting in my own way.

This morning I knelt before her and hugged her, letting her know I loved her very much. She patted my head. I told her that I hope to be able to make love to her sometime soon. She asked “You do, do you?”. I said “Yes, Ma’am”. She replied “Well, somebody will, but I highly doubt that it’s going to be you.” I meekly replied “Yes, Ma’am”.

She continues to point out attractive black men when we are out together. And she mentioned wanting to rent some porn videos that feature black studs with white women. I’m more than a little concerned about what changes might happen once I’m finally locked up for real. It’s only 2-3 weeks away. Will she really go through with cuckolding me?

Based on some of the things she’s said recently, it sounds like she has no plans to let me back inside her. And I know by then she will be feeling physically better, and likely very horny. I don’t know how long she plans to keep me locked up, or release schedules, or anything. And I wonder if and when she will get involved with other men, for real.

Her focus on my humiliation lately has been the uselessness of my cock to her. I’m really feeling my inadequacy reinforced, and part of me is really buying into it. I’m also betrayed by my own cock, as it tries to get hard when she talks about how small and pointless is it, or about her other “lovers” and how satisfied their cocks feel inside her.

We watched a movie about someone who is transitioning their gender from female to male. It was interesting and generated some good conversation between us on the topic. The relationship between testosterone and male-aggressive behavior was made clear in the movie. My wife brought up the idea of castrating me again, clearly pondering the possibility in light of my recent attitude problems. And you know, I have to concede that she has a point (although removing my balls is probably too extreme of a solution for real).

The next day I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I would have a sex change for her. I told her (honestly) that if she wanted it and it would make her happy, I would. And I meant it. It seems like such an edgy thing to play with, something that extreme. It makes me wonder about what she’s using as a mind-fuck and what she might really be thinking about for real.

I brought home a holiday card from my boss, that featured pictures of their entire family. My wife looked at it and said, rather incredulously, “That’s your boss?”. I confirmed it for her. She said “Wow, he’s hot. Do you think he’d like to fuck me? He’s really attractive. Would you mind if I did that, honey?” I said “No, Ma’am, please feel free to fuck my boss.” She just said “Hmmmmm.”

Well, let’s see what the next 3 full days of service to her will hold.

This and That

My Prince Albert piercing is almost 4 weeks old, and appears to be healing very well. I’ve been following the recommendations for two to four sea salt soaks for 5-10 minutes every day. My wife suggests that the soaking is probably shrinking tiny (her name for my cock) even more.

My wife allowed me an orgasm on Monday. Her requirement was that I described to her how I felt while I was handcuffed naked to the post at the party last weekend (see my prior post). As she watched me jerk off, I described the humiliation I felt at the party.

The key issue for me was my inability to get and stay hard, despite being on display like that. I have a strong exhibitionistic streak, and I love bondage, so the combination seemed ripe for me to be aroused. But with the sign around my neck, my pants and panties around my ankles, and all the recent reinforcement about my inadequate cock size, it just didn’t happen.

So I’m laying there trying to masturbate for her, but recalling the embarassment of my flaccid cock visible to everyone. I did want to orgasm, but the mental space she had me in kept me from getting fully hard, and it took much, much longer for me to orgasm. When I did come, it wasn’t anywhere near as strong as the previous time. My mistress can mind-fuck.

Unfortunately the health issue I mentioned a little while back persists for my wife. The net result is that her own sexual activities are postponed until she feels better. It will just take some time. I feel bad that her pleasure has to be put off this long, but one cannot rush physical healing.

We received some new toys she ordered from Extreme Restraints (a vendor we recommend; do read the reviews on specific items though). The spiked breast binders are particularly evil. When attached snugly, a deep breath causes the points to penetrate even further. They left a ring of tiny red marks around my nipples for a few days. She likes the new nipple clamps she ordered too.

Yesterday she texted me at work. Next door to where she works is a salon, and she’s been teasing me that she’s been having sex with the African-American man who owns the place. She implies that he’s the father of our biracial twin (lifelike doll) babies. In her text she let me know how hard and erect her nipples were as she went over there. Nice.

I had some comp time coming at work, and my wife had me arrange it so we have a five day weekend coming up. This afternoon after work I will present myself to her, and commit to being in her service the entire time. I’m a little scared, but both she and I are also excited.

We will probably have an opportunity to test out the new 4-point restraints I installed on our bed a few weeks ago. They tuck up and out of sight, but are easily accessible and secure enough that I could not escape once bound in them. Besides the traditional spread-eagle position, they can be used to affix me bent over the end of the bed, ass-up for punishment or reaming.

This could be a long (fun! I hope) weekend.

Posted

As mentioned in my last post, my wife and I went to a (BDSM) party last night. She looked incredible. She had on a black and silver outfit in an asian style. It was open below her neck, temptingly displaying her cleavage. It fit tightly down to her upper thighs, and her black tights highlighted her very sexy legs. Her black strapped boots sent this message: “I’m in charge.”

I followed here in carrying our things. Upon entry I put on my thick leather locking collar. After greeting friends already in attendance, she sat down on a couch and I knelt at her feet. After several minutes of general chat, she directed me to bring her a small plate of food. I retrieved a few treats, knelt again next to her, and held the plate as she nibbled and continued her conversations.

After a while she told me to retrieve the sign and our handcuffs. She put her finger through the ring in my collar and led me into the dungeon area. She backed me up against a thick wooden post that ran from the floor to the ceiling. “Take off your clothes,” she said, and I complied.

She pulled my arms back and around the post, and locked my wrists together with the handcuffs behind the post. Then she hung the sign around my neck, which read “Take a look at my new piercing!”. The handcuff key was on a carabener, which she clipped to my collar ring – visible to everyone but well out of my reach. She took a step back and looked me over, smiling. “Have fun,” she said, and she walked back to the socializing area.

There wasn’t much I could do but stand there, naked and on display. I could see through the doorway between the dungeon and the mingling room, where my wife sat back down on the couch and started chatting with a friend. Others looked at my predicament and grinned.

Over the next hour just over a dozen people came over to me, read my sign, and took a look at the 8 gauge ring running through the end of my penis. Some just smiled and said “nice”, others asked questions about it. When asked, I admitted that the intention is to utilize it in a few weeks for 100% secure chastity.

Mistress (my wife) stopped by briefly a few times to check on me, and to point out how small tiny was. Without stimulation I was flaccid, and I couldn’t have kept it up for over an hour anyway. To “help me be less embarrassed”, she stimulated my nipples as I stood there. I was able to get about half hard, reinforcing my sense of inadequacy. She whispered to me about some women there who were giggling about how small my cock was, and then she left me there for another while.

It had been over an hour by the time she came to release me. Other scenes were in progress around me, all women in bondage – I was the sole male submissive on the dungeon floor. She had me dress and then attend to her again in the social area. I was happy to be free of the post, holding her plate as she again nibbled on food I had fetched for her.

Fast forward to being home after the party – in bed with her biracial daughter (doll). My wife spent a long time teasing me about not being the father of her “baby”. The doll was between us in bed, her coffee colored skin looking so beautiful against our light colored bedsheets.

I was stroking the baby’s skin and hair, and looked up to see my wife looking at me and smiling. I remarked that she looked happy, and asked her what she was thinking about. She said “Oh, I was just remembering when she was conceived.” I asked her if she wanted to talk more about that. She did.

“It was wonderful. Her father is black, as you know, and I find his body very hot. He is strong, muscular, and has a nice large cock of course.” I asked if it hurt to have something so big inside her. “Oh, not at all,” she said, not missing a beat. “I get so aroused by him, so incredibly wet. He slides into me very easily, and it feels just amazing to have him inside me.” She sighed and I noticed her move one hand down between her legs. “After my first orgasm my pussy juices were just dripping out, on your side of the bed, of course.” I said, “Oh, that’s what that was” and she just smiled.

She went on. “That day, you were at work of course. We were here in our bed, and he was doing me doggie style.” In my mind I saw them both on all fours right here on our bed, his muscular black frame enveloping her petite white body, his hips bucking as his massive black cock slid in and out of her hot, wet, pink pussy.

She continued, “He’s so virile, you know. He pumped so much sperm into me. It’s no wonder I got pregnant. I can feel his powerful spray on my cervix, like this hot blast deep in me. Oh my god, that feels unbelievable.” She stared at me, probably seeing a mixture of shame about my inadequacy and happiness for her pleasure. “So much better than the impotent squirts from your tiny thing,” she added. I looked down, feeling ashamed.

Changing topics, I asked “Does she get to see her father very often?” Without hesitation, my wife explained the situation. “No, he’s not involved. He understand that, as my husband, this baby is now your responsibility. That leaves him free for other things, like spending more time with me. You do realize that I take care of my needs while you’re at work all day?” I replied “Yes, Maam, that’s appropriate.”

“It’s more than appropriate,” she snapped. “Since your wimpy white cock is useless, it’s your fault, and I need to find men who can do what you can’t. Isn’t that right?” I lowered my eyes again and said “Yes, Ma’am, of course.” She went on “It’s not easy for me, you know. I probably have ten, twelve men that I see on a regular basis to keep me satisfied. I’ve been thinking of cutting down to three or four…” her voice trailing off as she seemed to ponder all her lovers.

“Oh, but back to her father”, she suddenly said. “His balls are amazing. They are huge, about the size of peaches. Well, they’d have to be to hold all the black cum that comes out of them. It’s quite a difference from your puny, non-functional, peanut-sized testes.” I could feel my face turning red from the humiliation.

She’s kept all the teasing up consistently lately. Talking about her lovers, my inadequacy, my responsibilities for housekeeping and childcare, etc. She also has been reinforcing that she really has no need for my cock inside her anymore. I’m getting a little worried that she actually means it. Maybe it is her plan, once I’m locked up, to get serious about cuckolding and ignoring my genitals long-term. It feels so strange to want whatever it is that will make her happy, even if it’s that.

Big Black Horse

Yesterday after work my wife wanted to go to our local sex toy shop for a new item. She didn’t tell me what, but we wouldn’t make the trip if she didn’t have something seriously in mind.

Earlier in the week she showed me an item she noticed on-line. It was a black cock dildo, but hollow inside the lower half with a strap at the bottom (see it here). The idea is that a smaller cock fits inside it, the strap goes around the balls, and bingo – she would have a nice big black cock to fuck while I can’t feel a thing.

I assumed she was going to ask about an item like that at the sex store. It’s a women-owned and women-staffed store, and I anticipated the embarrassment. I could see her saying something like “I’m getting spoiled by big black cocks – who wouldn’t?” Chuckle. “I’ve seen these cock sleeves. A small cock, like my husband has” she would put her arm around me “fits inside it. Do you have those?” The store staff would smile knowingly, and continue the discussion with my wife, ignoring me.

But that’s not what happened. Instead she picked out a new “pony penis” – a dildo to use on me via her riding machine. It’s not a lifelike horse cock dildo (yes, you can buy many realistic animal phalluses). She selected an extremely thick, very black, cock style dildo. It is over six inches around. Go ahead and measure yourself (or your partner) erect for comparison; I’ll wait.

It’s 6 or 7 inches long and curved, with pronounced ridges around the edge of the glans. She had me construct a “saddle”, which ties onto the seat and holds the dildo in place. It looks rather intimidating, jutting boldly up from the seat. And for the “stirrups” she wanted, I used rope and ankle cuffs to keep my feet near the floor. Without her help I could not dismount, due to the massive intrusion in my ass and bound ankles.

She had me initiate it last night with a good long pony ride. She ran the controls of the riding machine, and added clover clamps to my nipples so she could control the “reigns”. It was an extremely intense experience. Again I went floating, my sexual awareness focused tightly on the deep fucking that her pony was providing to me. At times I felt out of control, like I was being raped. Afterwards I thanked her for sharing her pony with me.

I cleaned up, crawled into bed with her, and started the movie we had rented earlier. I guess I was a bit foggy-headed after the ride. As the movie started she asked “So, you didn’t want to cum?” I replied that I didn’t know it was an option for me tonight. She said “Well, yes, it was, but it’s too late now.” I knew better than to argue. I wasn’t sure what I had missed. Oh well, she is in control.

Our new “daughter” arrived today. A biracial baby girl doll, very lifelike. When my wife holds her, she has this smile on her face that just gets me. Without a word my wife’s face says so much. “Here’s the child I had with another man, a black man with a very satisfying cock and powerful sperm that got me pregnant with his child that you must now raise. Your cuckolding will be on display for everyone to see. Since I will tell anyone who inquires that she is not adopted, they will know your beautiful wife fucks black men. That your cock is useless to me will be obvious to them, even if the chastity isn’t.” That’s her unspoken message to me.

As we marveled at how realistic she looks, my wife admitted to feeling serious maternal instincts. She even put her hand over her tummy and talked about a longing there. She continues to tease me constantly in public about her interest in black men, and their apparent interest in her. She catches their attention, smiles, and points out when they notice her. I honestly don’t know how serious her interest will become, but I see a pattern towards more blatant flirting, even right in front of me. I can’t help but support her in getting her needs met, and she seems to be enjoying it all so very much.

Earlier in the week my wife remarked how strange I look in “boy clothes” when I am at home. She’s encouraged me to crossdress in the evenings and on the weekends, especially for my household chores. She said she is getting quite used to seeing me dressed as a sissy, and that it is seeming more normal to her for my appearance.

I mentioned in a previous post that she has decided that my name is teena when I am serving her at home. That name harkens to “teeny”, which she says is equally descriptive of tiny, her name for my cock. It also sounds like “tina”, reflective of my sissy appearance. When she wants me, she has been very consistent lately about calling for my by this new name. “teena!” she will shout, and I am expected to attend to her promptly.

However, after a few times when I didn’t hear her (e.g. dealing with laundry downstairs), she outlined a little project for me. I’m to provide her with a remote control shock device so that she can get my attention even if I’m out of earshot. I actually have such a unit in my workshop. It has 4 intensity settings, and I’m a little frightened to I think about turning the controller over to her. Eventually it may make sense to incorporate it into our new chastity device.

She has ordered a housekeeping dress and some aprons for me. Not the slutty kind, but the kind you’d see actual hotel staff wearing. It’s functional, and obviously female. I also wear a collar at home. It’s thin, velvet covered, and lockable, featuring a prominent metal O-ring on the front. It’s clear this is a submissive’s collar, not some fashion thing. I do feel wonderfully submissive to her almost always lately – comfortable, natural, and secure.

My wife is also instructing me about makeup and skin care. She’s directed a new morning and evening routine for me. It includes a facial scrub and moisturizer just like she uses. She’s also designated a place for me to store my makeup, clarifying that mine will be separate from hers.

Tonight we have a BDSM party to attend. It sounds like she wants me in tall black heels, tight red leather pants, and wearing my other new “play” collar (thick leather, bold front ring, also locking). She’s made it clear that my submissiveness must be on full display at all times tonight. She also had me make a sign that I’m to wear around my neck for everyone to see. It says “Ask to see my new piercing!” So I expect our friends at the party to learn about tiny and his impending stainless steel prison.

Gallup and Squirt

After I had finished up with the dinner dishes last night, my wife teased me pretty seriously in the kitchen. She reached under my shirt and spent some time flicking her fingernails across my nipples, which drives me into a sexual frenzy. My nipples are really sensitive and soon I was begging for relief.

She asked me if I wanted to cum, and I said “Yes, please, please Mistress”. She replied casually “Well, maybe later”. She kept up the teasing, asking if I wanted to put tiny (her name for my cock) inside her. Again I begged, but she declined. What she said next took me by surprise.

“You can’t put tiny inside me now because of the PA ring and your piercing healing, right?” There was some room for discussion on that, but she was basically right, and her fingernails were still busy on my nipples. “Yes, Maam,” I breathlessly responded. She replied, “Well, when the cage gets here, we’ll probably just put it right on, and you won’t have an opportunity then either.”

I was moaning and bucking my hips, desperate for some attention on my now hard and throbbing cock. My brain was slow to process what she had just said, but it eventually trickled through. Finally I understood what she was saying. My cock might not go back inside her for a long time.

My eyes got big, and my moans turned into whines. It’s hard to pout when your body is being overly stimulated sexually and intensely craving release. But gradually I realized she was right. If I was healed when the cage came, there was no reason to wait to use it. If I wasn’t fully healed by then, well I couldn’t fuck her anyway.

I tried to think back to the last time we had intercourse. Then I mentally watched my fantasy evaporated about having one last lovemaking session with her before being locked up. She watched me carefully as I processed all this, keeping me on the edge of sanity by her sexual stimulation. “Oh yes,” her eyes seemed to say, “I know how to play this.”

Then, suddenly, she was done. I stood there panting, a bit dazed. She said she wanted to see tiny, so I pulled him out. I expected him to be bigger after all that stimulation, and commented as such. My wife suggested that “Maybe it’s atrophy from lack of use.” That made me wonder about the effects of long-term chastity. Then again, she already considers my cock nearly worthless to her.

She gave me some things to do before we went up to bed, and she let me know she wanted me to take a pony ride tonight.

Fast forward to our bedroom later, which now features her “pony”: a powerful exercise machine that simulates riding a horse. Our 5 inch realistic jelly dildo is strapped to the seat, lubed and sticking straight up. She tells me to have a seat on her pony, and as I do the “pony’s cock” slides up my ass, forcing a moan out of me.

She is at the controls, and starts with the lowest setting. The seat begins moving and slightly bouncing. The sensation inside me is much more intense than the shorter butt plugs we used previously. And because the dildo is attached to the seat, it moves independently causing much more sensation.

She adjusted the controls at her whim, making full use of both the fastest setting and the random mode. When I stayed in sync with the rhythm, it was like a gentle ass fucking. But when I got out of sync, I felt helpless, as if I was at the whim of someone else fucking me their way.

Then my wife started playing with my nipples. The intensity doubled due as my attention broaded from just the anal intrusion to a full-body sexual circus. My moans involuntarily became screams of pleasure. She stayed near me, manipulating me and the machine, as I floated into a new head-space. I was in a neather-world where my Mistress’ pony powerfully fucked me as I writhed in ecstacy. I lost track of time, awash in an powerfully erotic whirlwind that went on and on.

Eventually the pony slowed and stopped. She informed me that the pony had finally cum. I gradually floated back to earth. It was one of the most sexually intense experiences I’ve had in years. I felt so lucky to have a wife who understands me so well and loves me so much.

To my surprise she then wanted to make tiny cum. I wasted no time in presenting myself to her on the bed. It had been about a week and a half since my last orgasm, and her hand around tiny felt incredible. I noticed that it took longer than I expected to reach a climax. But my orgasm lasted about a minute, leaving me mindblown, exhausted, satisfied, and content. I marveled at my wife’s abilities to orchestrate such a gift for me. She is incredible.

She has asked me to make a “saddle” so that it’s easier to put attachments on her pony for my riding sessions. She also wants me to add some “reins” to help me be more secure. I’ll need more direction from her, but I suspect these will be attachment points for wrist and ankle cuffs.

In other news, it turns out we have more than just a girl on the way. My wife has arranged that we will have twin biracial baby dolls soon, lifelike and newborn size. Her “plans for our family” include a double stroller so she can publicly show off her “children by another man” to humiliate me.

I had been thinking lately about how difficult it might be for my wife to locate men she would want to have sex with. I was saddened to think that it might be a burden for her to locate worthy studs. Just this morning I realized that she knows a couple who have been very into the swinging scene for many years. I don’t know if she plans to use that resource, but I’m sure they could hook her up with whatever type of man she wanted to specify. A search on CraigsList for “cuck” turned up a local 25 year old unmarried black man wanting to be the bull for a couple like us. I wondered if my wife might have already contacted him.

I also realized that she has had sex with the husband of that swinging couple. She’s talked about how impressive his cock is, even before our chastity games. That was before we were married, when my wife attended some of their swinger parties. So I suppose there may be a time when my wife chooses to revisit him as a lovemaking partner (assuming his wife concurs, which is likely since they are swingers themselves).

As today comes to a close, I look back and realize that I indeed have felt and acted differently since my orgasm. My temper while driving and elsewhere was of the kind that displeases my wife. My thoughts and desires were more selfish throughout the day. I hadn’t really noticed it so clearly before. But you know, I think what they say about chastity and male behavior may be right. Hmmmm.