Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Quite a few things haven’t changed since my last post about 7 weeks ago. Mistress still has me eating out of one of my two dog dishes for all my meals (unless I have permission). She’s talked about bringing one with us to a restaurant soon. But apparently I’ve been good enough to be allowed to use a regular spoon from our main silverware (rather than one of our reject “crummy” spoons).

She also still uses me as her nighttime urinal on occasion. And I’ve not been permitted any boygasms in months, just an occasional girlgasm every week or two. Humiliation play is nearly every day. She has a male friend who will visit later this year, and she talks a lot about how they will treat me when while he stays with us.

But some things have changed…

We had a death in the family just days after Christmas, so the holidays had some sadness. Mistress has the additional title of “executrix” temporarily. I’m supporting her through both grief and the logistics of handling that estate. Losing a parent to cancer is hard.

Just recently we’ve started talking seriously about having a male slave move in with us. “R” lived with us about 9 years ago for some months. He’s a service-oriented submissive, and he would love nothing more than to “serve two women”. It will be an interesting pecking order, with my wife as my Mistress and his Ma’am, I would continue to be her submissive pet but his dominant Miss. He would submit to us both.

Mistress and I have discussed some plans, including having R out for a few weeks soon as a trial. If things seem like a good fit, it sounds like he will ask to move in with us permanently. That’s even after learning that his service will almost certainly include BDSM, enforced chastity, an ownership mark (tattoo), and plenty of household duties.

Something I’m personally looking forward to this year is GRS. My surgeon consultation is still scheduled for the end of March, after which we can set a date to exchange tiny for a vagina. Exciting!

I’m also utterly thrilled to report that hormones have enabled me to grow B-cup breasts. The guideline is usually “one cup size smaller than your mother or sisters”. My mom has B’s. Mistress and I are both pretty pleased with the size of my “girls”, and this means we don’t have to bother with breast-augmentation as yet another surgical procedure.

I continue to think that biologically I was very ripe for being a female. I believe science will someday help us understand transsexuality better, including its causes and treatments. For me, I am so very happy to finally be the woman I’ve dreamed of being. I’m grateful each and every day. I’m more compassionate and loving, more calm and peaceful.

I’d be happy to entertain questions in the comments. Happy New Year!

My new blog

Hi peeps!

I just wanted to let you know that I’m focusing my efforts now on my new blog:  Blooming Time. The focus there is on my gender transition.

I’m adding once a week or so there. I just posted yesterday! It even talks about genitals. But not chastity or other wildly kinky stuff like I’ve shared here. That stuff will stay in this blog.

Blooming Time goes back to very early in my transgender journey. Don’t mind the hole from Aug 2012 to Aug 2013, I’ll be filling that soon.

I’ll probably pop in to check on this blog from time to time. So feel free to comment!

And if I have a really hot scene (like that breast whipping my wife keeps talking about), this is the place where I’d post about that.

I suspect that chastity, per se, won’t be part of my marriage for at least a year. But my wife does occasionally talk about what it’s going to take to lock my labia closed (after the sex-change surgery). Even then — can I be a “Locked Hubby” when even my gynecologist thinks I’m female? Can I be a “hubby” on the basis of an “invisible” Y chromosome? What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

 

Happy in heels

Things are still going well! I love being in the world as a woman now, instead of as a man. And unlike most married couples to find themselves wrestling with this issue (one partner being transexual), we are still going strong together. I think being openminded kinksters really helps.

I’m still eating out of my dog dishes, sometime 3 times a day. It’s so automatic now. My latest need for punishment has related to being tardy. My wife/mistress does not appreciate departing to an event with me when we are behind schedule. The last time we were 3 minutes late to meet some friends for dinner, she tacked on a penalty 5 minutes because I hurried through a yellow light (her opinion was that I ran a red light). That turned into a paddling with her favorite thick leather paddle, non-stop for the full eight minutes.

And she still has her appreciation for men of color. She rarely misses an opportunity to notice or comment on them, or even flirt with them. Humiliating me remains another past-time, making comments about my sexual inadequacy over the years as a man, and how my penis will be so much better off as a vagina anyway. There is little need for male chastity devices any more, as the female hormones have left tiny barely functional in that regard.

I can’t remember the last time she permitted me an orgasm. Several times per month, though, she instructs me to orally pleasure her, which I happily do. We both really enjoy that, and as a bonus she gets to ignore how horny it leaves me.

Our relationship is doing amazingly well, considering all we’ve been through lately. In many ways we feel closer than ever. And I’m extremely grateful for that. The next (and perhaps final) challenge for us will be the Gender Confirming Surgery (also known as SRS or GRS). She’s worried about infections and other problems. I’m still very excited to have my body fully reflect how I see myself now in the world – as a woman.

As time goes on, I’m less and less comfortable with my male genitals. They are inconvenient, as I cannot dress how I want sometimes. They are annoying, since tucking them snugly so they don’t bulge obviously under my clothes is a hassle. They hurt sometimes, as the atrophy fights with the occasional erection attempt. And mostly they no longer feel appropriate at all. I was in the shower with my wife, feeling horny, and instead of being able to rub my pussy against her thigh this damn semi-flaccid hunk of skin was flopping around. It honestly felt very wrong.

Electrolysis is a pain in the ass. I just completed my 7th trip to Dallas TX where they again removed all the active-growth hairs from my face. Eleven hours of technician time zapping and pulling those hairs one-by-one. Don’t mind the anesthetic injections — by needle into the face. Yeah, it really sucks. But most transitioning friends I know do it locally, without anesthetic, a half-hour or hour at a time. Which reminds me, I have to start that process in my genital area. It’s a strong recommendation prior to surgery down there. Apparently it’s quite painful too. So of course my wife wants to be with me during those procedures.

On the up side, I wore the cutest outfit to work yesterday! And heels, which I love. Actually, I only meant to do a brief post, as I need to be getting ready for work. Dress, jewelry, makeup, hair, and out the door.

Transition Update

Life has been so busy!  I am continuing with my gender transition.  I’m working with some of the best professionals in my state, which rocks.  8 months now on female hormones, and I definitely have some cute breasts.  My wife loves to tease me about how much larger my ass is (yet she says she loves my “girl butt”).  I have filed paperwork to legally change my name, and have started talking to gender reassignment surgeons.

This week I’m going to talk to HR at my workplace to set plans in motion to transition on-the-job.  One day I will simply start as a female.  Yes, really.  I’ve learned my employer has recently gone through this with someone else already, which is heartening.  I’ve been living as a female for many months now everywhere in my life except at work.  It’s time to come out there and go “full-time”.

I received a comment or email from a reader who wondered if becoming a transexual was a natural or common eventuality for a feminized husband in chastity.  My short answer: no.  It’s a great fantasy, and I’ve loved the stories I’ve read on-line over the years.  But the reality of changing your gender for real in this society is very different.  I’m sure there is the occasional “forced” situation, but I estimate that’s far less than 1% in real life.  What you don’t realize is that there are plenty of transitioning people all around you.  Some estimates as low as 1 in 200.  Of course that includes the entire transgender umbrella, not just transexuals.

Some of the women you know might have been born male.  That’s just reality.  But please don’t ask them.  Think about it — a genetic female will likely be very offended that you thought they were born male; quite a buzz-kill on a date.  Like me, most transexuals want to transition and live the rest of their life as peacefully as possible.  I just want to be in the world now as a woman.  Eventually I will legally be female.  And my wife and I will simply want to get on with the rest of our (lesbian) lives.

Some aspects of my situation were not really that unusual:  a lifetime of private activities exploring my female side (crossdressing, reading TS stories, playing with makeup, wishing I was female); deciding to explore it more seriously after getting heterosexually married.  One aspect of my situation is very unusual:  my wife and I plan to stay together.  The harsh reality is that most relationships cannot survive one spouse changing their gender — I think the partnership failure rate is over 90%.  The suicide rate for transgender people is also very high (over 30%) — I’m fortunate to be a survivor, in fact.

But back to the question.  It very well could be that a husband willing to be feminized and put into chastity does have some latent gender identity issues.  But they may not be as serious as full-out transexuality.  There is nothing wrong with loving to crossdress (I did it for decades), and for many it ends there.  Other have a stronger pull away from their genetic gender, but life circumstances prevent them from acting on them (I was also there for decades).  A full transition is not cheap — at least $30,000 start to finish.  If you are interested in more details of transitioning, let me know.  I don’t want to bore my readers!

Let’s revisit my dog dish (see prior post).  I haven’t messed up once!  But I will relay one story.  My wife’s sister moved to our city about a year ago, and she comes over sometimes to chat or eat — or the three of us girls go shopping!  One day she was over and she brought her two little dogs.  I came home from work and saw my dog dish on the floor, and her dogs were eating out of them.  I didn’t know if my wife had told her or not.  And I didn’t dare ask.  But it was clear that my wife noticed me noticing, and she really got off on the humiliation that it provided.

I’ll end on a chastity development.  Today I’ll be removing my PA piercing.  That’s a major deal for me.  I’d wanted that ring in my cock for so very long, and it meant so much when my wife decided to have it installed.  But gender surgeons apparently recommend letting that hole in my penis heal.  I guess it makes sense, since they will be turning tiny inside-out when they surgically transform my male genitals into a vagina and labia.  It’s amazing what they can do today (google for “SRS photos”).

But removing my PA ring signals the end of an era.  No more chastity.  Having my cock locked up was such a focus and big deal to me.  And I’m feeling some loss about that.  Mistress still dominates me, of course.  But not with forced orgasm denial.  She’s threatened a female chastity device, but those always come with a waist belt, and she has never been ok with those.

At some point I’m going to sell my whole high-security chastity setup:  lock, JailBird cage, bio-safe, etc.  If you want to be notified, drop me an email or blog comment.  That will be a sad day too for me.  On the other hand, it truly does feel awesome in so many ways, to finally become the woman that I’ve dreamed of being — and to have my Mistress/wife with me on the journey!  Heaven!

A New Phase

Well, it looks like I’m well on my way to never needing to have tiny (my wife’s name for my cock) locked into a chastity device.  Several times she’s happily remarked on how well my “chemical castration” is coming along.

What she’s really referring to are the hormones I’m on as I progress in my transition to becoming female.  I’ve been on estrogen for 2 months now, with maybe a little breast, and hip growth (but hardly any so far).  The sprio though, which blocks testosterone, is what she was referring to.  It reduces the male sex drive and, over time, shrinks the testicles.

Recently I realized that my PA ring may not be long for this world.  It was integral to the 100% secure stainless steel chastity cage we used not that long ago.  But it’s getting uncomfortable now that I’m tucking my junk away to look more feminine “down there”.  And sometimes that damn ring gets really uncomfortable, squishing things in strange ways, particularly when sitting.

It also occurred to me that it may be a problem later when I go to have sexual reassignment surgery.  Since, basically, the penis is turned inside out to make a vagina, it probably won’t be good to have a hole in it.  That’s 1-2 years away at this point, but still something I’m thinking about.

I asked Mistress about it recently, and she suggested that I may as well just remove the ring.  That was a bit of a shock to consider, since my PA piercing will probably close up and heal over pretty quickly (a week or two maybe?).  What shocked me was facing the end of serious male chastity in my life.  Funny, that hit me harder than not having sex.

The extensiveness of this blog probably makes it pretty clear that chastity was a pretty important thing to me.  Masturbation, sex, and male orgasms certainly were also.  But they aren’t any more.  I’ve changed, and I’ll continue changing.  Not only has my male desire for sex been suppressed, my whole sense of sensuality is changing.  I’m amazed at how erotic simple touching can feel now.  I’ve always been a tactile-sensitive person, but hormones have turned it up to 11.

Anyway, lately I’m coming to grips with letting go of my manhood.  Chastity represented that, in a way.  My cage was an illustration of how I needed to have it controlled, lest it be out of control.  Thinking about selling my awesome metal penis prison makes me sad.  It’s a rite of passage, I suppose – if atypical.

Of course, to see me typing this with my hair up and wearing this bright, fun sun dress – you wouldn’t guess that I’m struggling with my masculinity.  And I’m not, really, I’m doing well at letting that go, because I feel so great as a woman.  But chastity – wow, letting go of that part of my life is harder.  Necessary, but a heart-felt loss.

In terms of my transition, I’m living at home and in public as a woman over half the time that I’m not at work.  My immediate family knows (parents, children, siblings), and probably 100-200 friends.  We have new friendships in the transgender and transexual community, which is wonderful.  This fall I plan to come out at my workplace, which I’m expecting to go well.  Between then and now I’ll be legally changing my name.  Serious progress.

It’s been busy, with extra appointments, investing time in new relationships, additional shopping to get my closet ready for going full-time, hair removal activities (laser, IPL, electrolysis), etc.  Mistress and I are both really looking forward to the time when we can just get on with our new lives together, without so much focus on these transitional steps.  Again, necessary, but sometimes frustrating.

And she is excited to be growing into a lesbian relationship.  Being bisexual, this is seriously working for her.  She can’t wait for me to have fuller breasts, a vagina she can have men of her choosing use, and labia she can torture.  After all, I’m still her submissive pet, regardless of my gender.

Just thought I’d update everyone.  Thanks for reading.  As always I’m open to questions and comments.

Not just any dildo

Mistress took the brand new, very realistic cock shaped dildo and held it to my face. “Kiss it,” she commanded. I did. “Open,” she said, and I obediently opened my mouth. She slid it past my lips, sensuously working it slowly in and out.

“You like that, don’t you?” She kept going as I tried to respond, my words came out all garbled due to the intruder. Then she briefly stopped and allowed me to speak. “Yes, Mistress,” I said with complete honesty. “Of course you do,” she shot back, “because you’re a little slut whore who loves to suck cock, isn’t that right?” This time she didn’t permit a response as the dildo went deeper and faster, down my throat as I choked on the deeper thrusts. She laughed and continued for a while, amused, as tears started running down my cheeks from gagging.

Fast forward a few days…

We met a kinky couple we know for dinner. Afterwards we gave them a present. She opened the box to reveal a dildo, very similar to the one that recently raped my mouth. But this one is a little better and has a handle for, well, “ease of use”. Her husband rolls his eyes and says “well isn’t that special”. Our friend is delighted because she recognizes what it really is.

It’s a replica of my own cock – the penis I won’t have anymore in about 16 months.

Mistress ordered kits to create dildos of tiny (her name for my cock). Yes, they make kits that you can use at home (like this one, which I can highly recommend) – handle not included (that was my idea).

So now Mistress can gag me and fuck me with “my own cock”, as she calls it. And one of our friends can pleasure herself with a near-exact replica of my penis. Eventually Mistress wants me to be fucked in my new vagina by some man of her choosing while my own cock invades my ass.

Despite Mistress telling me some great fantasy stories while making the penis castings, tiny wasn’t at his largest. And that’s somewhat humiliating. Then again, I’ve been on estrogen for about 3 weeks now. And the way the mold cures, I think gravity can’t help but shrink them a little. But perhaps I’m trying to compensate.

One story Mistress told me was how transsexual women are a lot more likely to be raped by men (a statistic she made up just to tweak me). And, she said, since I’m such a slut it’s likely to happen to me before too long. (Can you tell she knows that I have fantasies about being raped?) She talked in detail about what these two men would do to me, which greatly turned me on as the molding material set around tiny.

Yesterday she had me place an additional order for the silicone components. We’re going to use our best cast one more time. This time it will be a “chocolate colored” version of my cock. She said this will make it easy to tell which one she will use over and over in my ass, and which one will get used in my mouth and eventual pussy.

The last time she allowed me to have a boy orgasm, she rolled our “dildo of tiny” in my fresh cum and then made me suck and lick it off the dildo. It was the first time she had ever made me eat my own ejaculate. I was a bit shocked that she just did it, but I’ve turned it all over to her, and that’s that.

Over the last few weeks she’s allowed me just that one orgasm. Meanwhile she directs me to eat her, teaching me more lesbian techniques as we go. Last night she was very pleased with my progress as she had two orgasms making use of my lips and tongue.

We now personally know several other male-to-female transsexuals, and two of them are having their final sexual reassignment surgeries over the couple of months. I’ve been thinking about the finality of that lately. The penis is converted into a vagina and clitoris, the scrotum into labia. It’s a one-way trip. And so far I’m on track for my own date under the scalpel in late 2013.

I guess at least we’ll have a few things by which to remember tiny.

Hanging free for now

Mistress gave me an orgasm on Friday. It had been 48 days since my last one, and I was securely locked up for the last 35 days.

I had a doctor’s appointment the next day, one that included a genital exam. So she wanted me to take it off (I would have been fine leaving it on, and it wouldn’t have gotten in the doctor’s way at all). Mistress masturbated me while biting my chest. It didn’t take me long.

I don’t think she realized it, but she stopped stroking right as I started to cum. I begged her to keep going, and after a short pause she did. Fortunately I had another climax and got to fully unload. There was a ton of fluid. No surprise, I suppose, since it had been almost 7 weeks of celibacy for me. I was worried that she was going to give me a “ruined orgasm”. That would have really sucked!

The doctor appointment was with my endocrinologist — the one who will oversee the female hormones that I am likely to be on in a week or two. She did a health history, advised us about the risks, did a quick physical — including the genital exam and a prostate exam with Mistress watching! Yesterday I had some blood drawn for lab tests, which should show me healthy and ready for hormones. About a week for those test results.

Mistress told me today she’s looking forward to me having a pussy. She has plans to fist me in a variety of ways, and was telling me details today. She want to fist my pussy and the pussy of a friend of ours. She’s done us both before, but obviously one of her hands was up my ass then, the other in our friend’s vagina.

She also wants to double-fist me – one in my pussy, and one in my ass. And she’s talked about the various dildos she plans to use to fuck me. (I wish she’d fuck my ass now!).

Another thing she plans to do is have people watch while she sews my labia lips together (explicit image here). And yes, she’s completely serious and I fully believe she will do it.

Not sure what she plans to do about keeping me in chastity once my easy-to-secure cock becomes a tempting pussy. She’s never liked the full waist-belt style metal chastity belts, but maybe she’ll end up locked me into one. Not sure how else she’ll be able to control access to my eventual clitoris otherwise.

For the moment Mistress has decided to leave me out of the cage. It will help me crossdress more effectively (and comfortably). A few months back you may recall that I signed a written chastity contract with her. It clearly specified that I must avoid all masturbation or stimulation of my genitals, and that I have turned over all of my sexuality and control of my cock and balls to her. So even though I’m not locked in the JailBird, I am still “in chastity”. And I fully intend to be faithful to her and our contract.

  • Calendar

    • December 2018
      M T W T F S S
      « Jan    
       12
      3456789
      10111213141516
      17181920212223
      24252627282930
      31  
  • Search