Normality, Redefined

I can’t believe I haven’t posted an update in a year here. Bad blogger. No hits for you.

I’m still married, despite the gender transition. And if that wasn’t miracle enough, our relationship is better than it’s ever been. That’s not just my opinion, but my wife’s as well.

Many times it wasn’t clear if we would survive it. But we did. Several times I wasn’t sure if I’d survive the emotional pain of it all. But I did. And we’ve come out stronger than ever. While that’s not unheard of, it’s rare, and I have a ton of gratitude.

Long-term chastity is likely never going to happen for me now. A downside of converting my penis into a vagina is the maintenance. I need to dilate (put something in there) every day for as long as I want it to be functional.

My wife has discussed a number of times getting my labia pierced. I’m sure she’s thinking something serious – like a whole bunch of piercings. Not a single, simple little piece of jewelry.

As for The Drawer, I have attempted to sleep in it several times. This leaves my wife, a dog and a cat in the bed, and me in The Drawer underneath them. It’s cramped enough that I cannot turn over (back to front). And there’s not a lot of room for padding, so it’s not particularly comfortable. My wife doesn’t mind any of that, of course. But it makes it difficult for me to sleep through the night in it.

She’s also continued to talk about having a man with her in bed, with me in the drawer. And she talks about having a 3-way with the two of us and a man. It’s consistent enough that I suspect she’s somewhat serious. But not serious enough yet to actually make it happen. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to blog someday here about something like that having happened.

Another interesting development is my attitude towards certain types of heavy bondage, which I used to love. As a woman now, I think my sense of risk and personal safety has shifted. I have this intense, heavy duty sensory deprivation hood that I used to love (as a guy). But now I can’t even tolerate putting it on myself; I freak out before I get it fully laced up and buckled.

I ordered a custom-made hardwood paddle for my wife, and it arrived today. I need to wrap this up and get upstairs so she can install a bunch of fresh welts on my ass tonight. It’s an incredible toy, which she let me design. I’m so happy she loves it. But I’ll be hollering shortly.

Wishing all my readers a happy 2016!

Healing, slowly

I haven’t written any updates lately because there’s been little to write about. Most of my activities with my wife and Mistress have been curtailed due to issues with post-surgical healing. But things are looking up.

My first 6-7 weeks post-op went quite well. Minimal pain, considering that this was major surgery. But then things started to hurt, and hurt more. For various reasons I wasn’t able to get the medical attention I needed until last week. And even then things aren’t 100% resolved yet.

So, unfortunately, The Drawer still remains unused for it’s intended purpose. Mistress has talked about it recently, though. I’m hoping to post a few pictures of the D-rings that I mounted in The Drawer for eventual restraining uses.

I specifically asked my doctor about resuming anal sex, and she was fine with it. Since then, Mistress has made it clear that she intends to go there sometime soon. Not sure what she has in mind, stay tuned.

And for more updates about how my Gender Confirmation Surgery is really going, see my other blog “Blooming Time”.

Some Assembly Required

As I wrote yesterday, the bed was expected to be delivered today. But without the nightstands, we were going to wait to put it together.

Today, five large boxes arrived at our house on a pallet. Three boxes contained all the parts for the bed as well as the two drawers that go underneath the bed.

The other two boxes contained the nightstands.


Furthermore, the construction of this furniture is unbelievable. I’ve unpacked all the pieces in preparation for assembly tomorrow. It’s almost like people who knew BDSM designed this thing. It is unbelievably sturdy and solid. I’ve never purchased assemble-at-home furniture of this quality. It’s a bit shocking.

Furthermore, it appears that I will not have to reinforce The Drawer. I can see from the pieces that it should easily support my weight. And once in it, there is no way I could escape it if I was locked in it. Real wood, most pieces a full inch thick.

Mistress is already looking forwards to me sleeping in The Drawer tomorrow night.

New Bed Arrival

The new bed I described and pictured in my previous posting is going to be delivered tomorrow. Things are about to get pretty serious pretty soon in the bedtime bondage department.

We’re going to postpone setting it up for two reasons. First, the matching nightstands aren’t here yet. And Mistress needs a place to put her things. Second, I need to reinforce The Drawer.

That’s what she’s calling it: The Drawer. It’s literally a drawer that rolls under the bed. Her plan is to be able to put me in it, eventually for overnight or other special occasions. Possibly even locking it. And possibly with a serious wrist and ankle restraint system as well.

I’m certain that The Drawer is designed for holding a typical amount of clothing. I’m sure I weigh more than it can hold. So my task is to reinforce The Drawer so that it will safely hold me and operate easily. That also includes replacing the wheels (and probably adding more).

In anticipation of me being in The Drawer overnight, I purchased some Depend women’s adult diapers for me. We also have some plastic pants. Mistress has made it clear that it will not be her problem if I have to pee while I’m in The Drawer.

She’s also talked about putting me in The Drawer if and when she decides to have sex with other men in our bed. If she isn’t interested in me watching or participating, she figures it’s the next most appropriate place for me to be. I’m not sure if it’s this cuckold’s dream or nightmare.

I’m pretty scared about being claustrophobic in The Drawer. Lately I’ve tried to face some of that fear. I had our severe sensory deprivation hood modified yesterday. I took it to a local leather repair place to have the breathing hole grommet enlarged. Last night I asked Mistress to put it on me — it laces up the back tightly and then has 3 thick leather, locking straps for further cinching. I can’t see, and can barely hear. I was able to handle it, although when she tied my wrists with rope it was another level of challenge. I was able to keep from freaking out, so that was progress.

As a male, I used to love that mask without hesitation. I think my sense of bodily safety has changed now that I’m female (particularly the hormones and new genitals).

It will probably be a week or so until The Drawer is ready for it’s first use.  Stay tuned.

The New Bed

Mistress finally decided that she did indeed want the new bed. It will be delivered early next week.

Once it’s fully assembled, I’ll have to work on the larger under-bed drawer. It’s designed to be able to hold a moderate amount of clothing. It will need to be retrofitted to hold something else: me.

That’s a project that, thanks to my Y chromosome and my well outfitted workshop downstairs, shouldn’t be too challenging. Swap out the bottom for some 3/4″ plywood, reinforce all the corners with L-brackets, and install a generous quantity of low-profile wheels.

Mistress will also want some sort of way to lock it from the outside. Nothing fancy, since I won’t be able to reach it anyway. She’s also talked about some restraints in the drawer itself, but that’s probably an add-on for the future.

I’m actually fairly nervous about this. I do have some claustrophobia that kicks in sometimes. We haven’t really played that much with it. I’m a bit worried that I’ll have more trouble with that kind of panic now that I’ve fully transitioned from male to female. I’m just more emotionally volatile. One example is that I had to safeword on the severe bondage hood that I used to absolutely love to wear. It freaked me out.

The drawer itself is long enough to fit me (being about the length of the bed frame). There is also plenty of width — almost enough for two people. But the height is my biggest concern. Based on the dimensions, I think my nose will just barely rub as the drawer is opened and closed, unless I turn my head. Plus it will be dark.

Mistress talks fondly of “being able to just put me in the drawer for the night”. I hope I can live up to her expectations. This is really going to stretch me in some edgy ways.

She continues to talk to her close friend “Tom” about all sorts of intimate details of my surgery and my new genitals. She also mentions occasionally about the “openness in our relationship”, hinting strongly that we’d entertain the idea of having sex with others. And she’s talking seriously about us making a trip to see him early next year.

I’m still not healed well enough to get back to my spanking backlog. Mistress has given me some 200 swat penalties over the last month for transgressions. But I also was forgiven 150 last week for some substantial housework. I think my current outstanding total is 868. I’m trying hard to be a good girl!

Our relationship is back of firm ground. This gender transition has really stressed her out at times. But we are returning to some normality in our daily lives. And that makes a huge difference for her. I’m pretty sure now that our relationship will survive long-term, which utterly thrills me! When she and I are good, my universe is right and joyful. And right now, I’m so grateful to be living in that.

Back in the groove

Changing from male to female has really stressed our incredibly strong relationship. It had been quite a few months since we’ve had any real substantial sexual interaction, much less kinky play. And certainly I need a break since surgery to let my new lady parts heal.

But within the last day or so we’ve had some breakthroughs. One started out simple enough. Mistress found some plastic pants that were not yet put away from our trip to Pennsylvania (for my gender surgery). We have had a small assortment of adult-size plastic and rubberized “diaper covers” from AB play in years past.

I had to wear adult diapers for several days after surgery, and these covers seemed sensible to bring. We ended up not using them. But this day she picked out the frilly lacy set with pink bows, and instructed me to wear them the rest of the day.

It might not sound like much, but it allowed her to humiliate me for hours. The crinkling of the plastic as I walked was noticeable. And she delighted even more when we went on a few errands. The light sweatpants did little to hide the sounds or the extra bulk of the plastic pants.

You might not understand how humiliation can be erotic – but for some of us it definitely is. And Mistress knows just how to push my buttons. Even though most my new genitalia are still numb from surgery, I can still feel aroused. Both at home and in public, her comments and smirks to me were very triggering that way.

This might not sound “normal” to you, but for our relationship it was a refreshing return to normality. And it seems to have made a big difference in her outlook for the future of our relationship. Having kinky play absent from our lives for so long was worrying both of us.

I’m also healed enough to be able to do things for her now (like leg massages, tasks around the house, etc). Those help reinforce her role as Dominant and my role as submissive. That had been upended recently as she cared for me for several weeks after my surgery.

She still talks a lot of needing more “male energy”, which is more than just a euphemism for “sex with men”. But I still expect that we’ll have both in our future. The topic of three-ways has been discussed, at her initiation, quite a few times.

She’s also talked more to her close friend Tom about my sex change, as well as hinted at some “openness” in our relationship. Tom’s a smart guy, but he hasn’t played any cards yet (that I know of) to follow her lead. It seems like it just might be a matter of time.

We are also still seriously discussing a new bed.


This trundle bed has a large drawer underneath on one side. Without a mattress, the drawer is just big enough for me to fit into. Mistress loves the idea of putting me in that drawer for the night sometimes. She’s also talked about restraints in the drawer, a lock on the outside, and the possibility of her having sex with someone else on the bed right above me as I’m locked in the drawer.

Long-time readers of my blog know that cuckolding has been a fascination of mine for decades. Combining it with bondage like this is really erotic for both of us. Stay tuned for more news!

I am Woman

About two weeks ago I went into a hospital in Pennsylvania, went to sleep with a penis and testicles, and woke up four hours later with them gone — replaced by a vagina, clitoris and labia. My GRS surgeon (one of the best in the country) did a great job.

It’s really done! To read more details, see my other (non-kinky) blog that focuses on being transexual: BloomingTime here on

Mistress and I won’t be doing much BDSM play now. I’ve got a lot of healing to do. Six weeks off work will help. But it’s hard for me to not be doing things. I’m forcing myself to stay in bed a lot and rest as much as possible.

Mistress gave me some extra (postponed) punishments recently. I got 200 extra spankings for lifting some luggage that was over my 5 pound post-op weight restrictions. Another 200 for lifting something else yesterday (dumb). And I beat her at cribbage a few days ago, and she tacked on another 200. I was down to only 48 spanks left from before. Now it’s up to 648. Sigh.

Our former roommate and kinkling has move out. Let’s just say he didn’t play well with our pets. He also has some mental illness challenges that we just were not up to handling ourselves. This leaves us with less help around the house than we were planning. With me recovering from surgery, that leaves more for Mistress to do — and that’s just not right.

My wife/Mistress continues to miss the company of males. I think this issue will be pretty important to the development of our relationship in the future. I’m just not sure exactly how yet. She talks a lot about the importance of her friend “Tom”, and her adult son, in her life right now.

Tom lives in Florida. She talks with him by phone multiple times a day. Tom has met me recently, he’s a nice guy. My wife has told Tom quite a lot about our personal lives. Although Tom is married, he travels a lot, and we strongly suspect that he gets some action on the side at times.

So, my wife continues to drop hints to him. And she’s told me straight out that she’s like to have sex with him and make me watch. She’s pondering plans for us to go visit him. She’s also talked with him about going sightseeing with him, while I’m left in the company of some of Tom’s large, muscular and horny African American friends. No, I’m not joking.

Please feel free to ask questions about our relationship, my surgery or transition, or anything. I love to read your comments, and would be happy to respond.