Full-time female

I’m finally living 24×7 as a female.  I’ve legally changed my name, my driver’s license now says F instead of M, and I’m filling out an application/intake form for SRS (sexual reassignment surgery).  I’ve been on female hormones for about a year now, and my body has definitely changed:  A-B cup boobs, bigger hips, softer skin.  I worked with my employer to transition from male to female, and I kept my job.  I’m probably 70% done with facial electrolysis.  And tiny is pretty much worthless now – no more firm erections, no ejaculations.

I’m actually very, very happy!  I love being a woman.  It’s not for everyone (hee hee), but it’s pretty clear now that I have been a closeted transexual all my life.  When I first started this journey I was in so much denial about my feminine side.  Until then I had no opportunity in my life to even start to think about this as a real option.  Now, I have no interest in turning back.  I will live the rest of my life this way.

Now for my warnings:  transitioning your gender (MTF or FTM) is not something to be done lightly.  Hormones without proper medical supervision can and do kill.  If you really think this might be a path for you, find a qualified gender therapist before you do anything else.  Be prepared for a full psych workup, as you’ll have to deal with your “stuff” first.  Good mental health is a necessary starting point for this journey, because it is a really hard one.  The suicide rate for us trans folks is 41% – yes, over four of ten.  Did I say it’s difficult?  Some days it’s almost too fucking difficult.  But I’m definitely going to make it.

If you transition, you will lose friends (I have); they just cannot get their minds around it.  You might lose family (I came close); they’ve known you for too long to handle a change of this magnitude.  You will almost certainly lose your primary relationship; very few marriages survive.  I thought at first that mine would certainly make it, and so far we’ve been together for 1.5 years of this transition (and about 12 years overall).  But honestly, I’m not sure my wife will make it for the long haul.  I hope so, but some days she really struggles with it.  And our relationship has definitely changed, and not always to my preference.  But we still love each other deeply.  It’s just … very different now.

Transitioning is expensive.  Electrolysis alone has cost me about $10,000 already.  I’ll need about double that for SRS.  And probably that much again for a completely new wardrobe, makeup, hair, nails, bathroom supplies, hormones, therapy, and medical appointments.  I’ve had to tap into my retirement money for some of that.

You know what else has been a casualty?  Not just my sex life (so far, anyway), but my kink life as well.  My wife simply cannot bring herself to dominate me as a female.  She realizes now that me being a male was an important part of that BDSM dynamic.  It’s probably just as well that I didn’t know that before.  Having to choose between following this dream and keeping kink and boy-sex in my life would have been really tough 2 years ago.  But the changes to my body are permanent now, and there is no going back.

Soon the boy clothes will all be gone for good.  Eventually the chastity cage will be sold too.  All of that is behind me now, forever.  I’m not sad about it — really.  It actually depresses me to think about going back to being a male.  Not that being a female is easy — it’s not, especially since I was socialized as a male for several decades first.  But I enjoy it every day.  I can honestly say I’m enjoying life a great deal more now.

If you want to really learn more about transsexuality, I’ll recommend two of the best resources I’ve found.  The book:  “She’s Not There – A Life in Two Genders” by Jennifer Boylan.  It’s an engaging read — funny, moving, and very educational.  The movie:  “Trans” (2012).  Watch for it!  It features Dr. McGinn who will likely do my SRS surgery, and it tells the story of several other brave trans people.

Sorry I don’t have more chastity tales for you here right now.  Perhaps after surgery (in about a year) my wife will have more to say on that topic.  Until then, and as always, I’d be happy to hear your comments.  Take care.

 

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