My new blog

Hi peeps!

I just wanted to let you know that I’m focusing my efforts now on my new blog:  Blooming Time. The focus there is on my gender transition.

I’m adding once a week or so there. I just posted yesterday! It even talks about genitals. But not chastity or other wildly kinky stuff like I’ve shared here. That stuff will stay in this blog.

Blooming Time goes back to very early in my transgender journey. Don’t mind the hole from Aug 2012 to Aug 2013, I’ll be filling that soon.

I’ll probably pop in to check on this blog from time to time. So feel free to comment!

And if I have a really hot scene (like that breast whipping my wife keeps talking about), this is the place where I’d post about that.

I suspect that chastity, per se, won’t be part of my marriage for at least a year. But my wife does occasionally talk about what it’s going to take to lock my labia closed (after the sex-change surgery). Even then — can I be a “Locked Hubby” when even my gynecologist thinks I’m female? Can I be a “hubby” on the basis of an “invisible” Y chromosome? What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

 

Transition Update

Life has been so busy!  I am continuing with my gender transition.  I’m working with some of the best professionals in my state, which rocks.  8 months now on female hormones, and I definitely have some cute breasts.  My wife loves to tease me about how much larger my ass is (yet she says she loves my “girl butt”).  I have filed paperwork to legally change my name, and have started talking to gender reassignment surgeons.

This week I’m going to talk to HR at my workplace to set plans in motion to transition on-the-job.  One day I will simply start as a female.  Yes, really.  I’ve learned my employer has recently gone through this with someone else already, which is heartening.  I’ve been living as a female for many months now everywhere in my life except at work.  It’s time to come out there and go “full-time”.

I received a comment or email from a reader who wondered if becoming a transexual was a natural or common eventuality for a feminized husband in chastity.  My short answer: no.  It’s a great fantasy, and I’ve loved the stories I’ve read on-line over the years.  But the reality of changing your gender for real in this society is very different.  I’m sure there is the occasional “forced” situation, but I estimate that’s far less than 1% in real life.  What you don’t realize is that there are plenty of transitioning people all around you.  Some estimates as low as 1 in 200.  Of course that includes the entire transgender umbrella, not just transexuals.

Some of the women you know might have been born male.  That’s just reality.  But please don’t ask them.  Think about it — a genetic female will likely be very offended that you thought they were born male; quite a buzz-kill on a date.  Like me, most transexuals want to transition and live the rest of their life as peacefully as possible.  I just want to be in the world now as a woman.  Eventually I will legally be female.  And my wife and I will simply want to get on with the rest of our (lesbian) lives.

Some aspects of my situation were not really that unusual:  a lifetime of private activities exploring my female side (crossdressing, reading TS stories, playing with makeup, wishing I was female); deciding to explore it more seriously after getting heterosexually married.  One aspect of my situation is very unusual:  my wife and I plan to stay together.  The harsh reality is that most relationships cannot survive one spouse changing their gender — I think the partnership failure rate is over 90%.  The suicide rate for transgender people is also very high (over 30%) — I’m fortunate to be a survivor, in fact.

But back to the question.  It very well could be that a husband willing to be feminized and put into chastity does have some latent gender identity issues.  But they may not be as serious as full-out transexuality.  There is nothing wrong with loving to crossdress (I did it for decades), and for many it ends there.  Other have a stronger pull away from their genetic gender, but life circumstances prevent them from acting on them (I was also there for decades).  A full transition is not cheap — at least $30,000 start to finish.  If you are interested in more details of transitioning, let me know.  I don’t want to bore my readers!

Let’s revisit my dog dish (see prior post).  I haven’t messed up once!  But I will relay one story.  My wife’s sister moved to our city about a year ago, and she comes over sometimes to chat or eat — or the three of us girls go shopping!  One day she was over and she brought her two little dogs.  I came home from work and saw my dog dish on the floor, and her dogs were eating out of them.  I didn’t know if my wife had told her or not.  And I didn’t dare ask.  But it was clear that my wife noticed me noticing, and she really got off on the humiliation that it provided.

I’ll end on a chastity development.  Today I’ll be removing my PA piercing.  That’s a major deal for me.  I’d wanted that ring in my cock for so very long, and it meant so much when my wife decided to have it installed.  But gender surgeons apparently recommend letting that hole in my penis heal.  I guess it makes sense, since they will be turning tiny inside-out when they surgically transform my male genitals into a vagina and labia.  It’s amazing what they can do today (google for “SRS photos”).

But removing my PA ring signals the end of an era.  No more chastity.  Having my cock locked up was such a focus and big deal to me.  And I’m feeling some loss about that.  Mistress still dominates me, of course.  But not with forced orgasm denial.  She’s threatened a female chastity device, but those always come with a waist belt, and she has never been ok with those.

At some point I’m going to sell my whole high-security chastity setup:  lock, JailBird cage, bio-safe, etc.  If you want to be notified, drop me an email or blog comment.  That will be a sad day too for me.  On the other hand, it truly does feel awesome in so many ways, to finally become the woman that I’ve dreamed of being — and to have my Mistress/wife with me on the journey!  Heaven!

A New Phase

Well, it looks like I’m well on my way to never needing to have tiny (my wife’s name for my cock) locked into a chastity device.  Several times she’s happily remarked on how well my “chemical castration” is coming along.

What she’s really referring to are the hormones I’m on as I progress in my transition to becoming female.  I’ve been on estrogen for 2 months now, with maybe a little breast, and hip growth (but hardly any so far).  The sprio though, which blocks testosterone, is what she was referring to.  It reduces the male sex drive and, over time, shrinks the testicles.

Recently I realized that my PA ring may not be long for this world.  It was integral to the 100% secure stainless steel chastity cage we used not that long ago.  But it’s getting uncomfortable now that I’m tucking my junk away to look more feminine “down there”.  And sometimes that damn ring gets really uncomfortable, squishing things in strange ways, particularly when sitting.

It also occurred to me that it may be a problem later when I go to have sexual reassignment surgery.  Since, basically, the penis is turned inside out to make a vagina, it probably won’t be good to have a hole in it.  That’s 1-2 years away at this point, but still something I’m thinking about.

I asked Mistress about it recently, and she suggested that I may as well just remove the ring.  That was a bit of a shock to consider, since my PA piercing will probably close up and heal over pretty quickly (a week or two maybe?).  What shocked me was facing the end of serious male chastity in my life.  Funny, that hit me harder than not having sex.

The extensiveness of this blog probably makes it pretty clear that chastity was a pretty important thing to me.  Masturbation, sex, and male orgasms certainly were also.  But they aren’t any more.  I’ve changed, and I’ll continue changing.  Not only has my male desire for sex been suppressed, my whole sense of sensuality is changing.  I’m amazed at how erotic simple touching can feel now.  I’ve always been a tactile-sensitive person, but hormones have turned it up to 11.

Anyway, lately I’m coming to grips with letting go of my manhood.  Chastity represented that, in a way.  My cage was an illustration of how I needed to have it controlled, lest it be out of control.  Thinking about selling my awesome metal penis prison makes me sad.  It’s a rite of passage, I suppose – if atypical.

Of course, to see me typing this with my hair up and wearing this bright, fun sun dress – you wouldn’t guess that I’m struggling with my masculinity.  And I’m not, really, I’m doing well at letting that go, because I feel so great as a woman.  But chastity – wow, letting go of that part of my life is harder.  Necessary, but a heart-felt loss.

In terms of my transition, I’m living at home and in public as a woman over half the time that I’m not at work.  My immediate family knows (parents, children, siblings), and probably 100-200 friends.  We have new friendships in the transgender and transexual community, which is wonderful.  This fall I plan to come out at my workplace, which I’m expecting to go well.  Between then and now I’ll be legally changing my name.  Serious progress.

It’s been busy, with extra appointments, investing time in new relationships, additional shopping to get my closet ready for going full-time, hair removal activities (laser, IPL, electrolysis), etc.  Mistress and I are both really looking forward to the time when we can just get on with our new lives together, without so much focus on these transitional steps.  Again, necessary, but sometimes frustrating.

And she is excited to be growing into a lesbian relationship.  Being bisexual, this is seriously working for her.  She can’t wait for me to have fuller breasts, a vagina she can have men of her choosing use, and labia she can torture.  After all, I’m still her submissive pet, regardless of my gender.

Just thought I’d update everyone.  Thanks for reading.  As always I’m open to questions and comments.

Boundgasm

My spouse, Mistress, and keyholder took me to a kinky party yesterday, but left me in chastity. However, I was luckier than another guy we saw there.

It’s been over 5 weeks since my last orgasm, and 23 days of continuous lock-up in my JailBird + PA-lock. Last night, though, I watched a poor guy get teased to an unbelievable degree — and he’s been denied orgasms for 57 days.

His owner had bound him (naked of course) to a suspended leather sling with plastic wrap in the dungeon at this party. She then proceeded to sexually tease him for a solid hour, stroking his cock and stopping before he could orgasm. A small audience watched.

If he got too close, she would give him some “distracting pain” to “help” him avoid an orgasm. Things like slapping the head of his cock really hard with her hand, or grabbing his balls and squeezing them hard. He got close to cumming time after time after time. But he never spurted.

I’m not sure what their agreement was, but he was begging not to orgasm. In the end he got his wish, but not before what seemed like an unbearable amount of substantial penile stimulation. His owner knew how to get him off, her hand-job technique was clearly effective. He was hard the whole time, and making the most interesting noises throughout.

His scene was still going on when Mistress decided it was time for me to submit to her and our friend. She took out our lightest leather bondage hood and secured it tightly around my head. It has a snap-on blindfold and a snap-in gag, which she left out initially.

She led me over to a bondage table, with webbing for dozens of straps to bind the limbs and torso. I’d been on it before, and knew what to do. I removed my clothes and got in position to be tied down.

Mistress kept it simple, using just 5 of the thick nylon straps to secure my wrists, ankles, and waist. Our friend joined us, and I was then blindfolded and gagged. They wasted no time and started tickling me mercilessly. I recognized the voice of the owner of the other chaste male who was tickling my feet and really enjoying watching me thrash and squirm and (try to) yell. Mistress and our friend were at my sides tickling my ribs. I felt completely out of control as my body tried uselessly to move away from the excessive stimulation. They all seemed to have a great time.

Eventually they stopped, and Mistress directed our friend to help calm me down with “smoothing” hand motions on my skin. My breathing slowed, and I settled down.

Then I felt her start stimulating my nipples. Mistress whispered to me that she wanted me to orgasm in front of everyone in our new special way. I nodded to let her know I understood and would try. At this point we’ve only done it a few times, and I wasn’t sure I could do it there in the dungeon. But, wanting to please her, I was going to try.

The nipple stimulation continued, and I continued my deep breathing, focusing not on my cock but on the growing sense of sexuality throughout my body. My cock doesn’t get very hard during these experiences — it’s not a penis-based orgasm. I felt the sensual energy building inside of me.

Then she was biting me. Mistress’ teeth dug into the flesh of my chest as her fingers continued their very arousing motions on my nipples. Then our friend began biting me on the other side, and licking my nipple as she sucked my breast skin into her mouth. The pain mixes with the pleasure for me, taking me deeper and farther.

I heard Mistress ask me if I needed more, and I nodded. The two of them continued stimulating me and biting, until finally I went over the edge. My body shuddered and I felt flushed. I strained against my bonds as I tried to arch my back and spread my legs as the orgasm spread through me. They continued stimulating me and pushing me on, until I went limp. Mistress reminded me to continue breathing as I recovered.

I wasn’t sure what to expect at the party, but it was a very nice scene. Mistress seems very interested in exploring this alternate way of pleasure for me, and she continues to show no interest in my cock. I think it’s her way of encouraging my new female sexuality to emerge.

A number of people seemed surprised when I got undressed before the scene. But I wasn’t sure if that’s because they didn’t realize I was a guy (I was wearing a new hot dress for the party), or if they hadn’t seen a stainless steel chastity cage like mine before. Either way, I was fully on display for quite a while. Being blindfolded, I have no idea who was watching during our scene.

A short while later I was dressed again, fetching Mistress some food and then massaging her feet as she chatted with others. A little while later we were back in the dungeon watching several other scenes, while I was Mistress’ footstool. It was a wonderful evening.

Morphing Normality

It’s been 12 days so far in chastity this time, and to be honest, I’ve hardly noticed. It’s just the way things are now.

Sitting to pee is just second nature, I hardly think about it. About the only time it registers is around showering. And even then it’s just procedural: wash it, dry it, put a little lube around the base ring.

You’d think having a tight stainless steel locked to your penis would be a bigger deal.

We’ve had the JailBird for almost 4 months now, and I’ve worn it at least 95% of that time. Male orgasms appear to be a thing of the past now. They are simply not interesting to her at all any more. I don’t even find I crave them that much, although I suppose I could easily fall back into the masturbation habit. I don’t want to, though.

Now that I’ve experienced (what seems to be) female orgasms, there’s just no comparison. The last time we did that, tiny (her name for my cock) was only a little bit hard, barely at all. Mistress stimulated my nipples, touched and rubbed me elsewhere on my upper body, and guided me with her words to relax into building wave after wave of sensation. Eventually  I went over the threshold into this extremely blissful state, with my whole body participating in the sensory experience. It’s hard to describe, but oh so wonderful.

Mistress prefers me to have these “girlgasms” because I don’t get all cranky and grumpy afterwards. Right after, all I want to do is get close to her — even cuddling right next to her doesn’t feel close enough. I just crave feeling her next to me. The next few days I’m extra attentive and loving to her, so appreciative and present. I think we both prefer it this way.

And this works out pretty well with the whole sex-change business. I’m feeling impatient lately. I want to get on with this Becoming a Woman thing. I mentally put myself in that role walking around work every day. Even though am not ready to approach them yet to discuss it, part of me is so ready to come out — all the way out.

Over a dozen friends now know. And in about a month I will be coming out to my “church” community, fully transitioning there so that I can dress as my new female self every Sunday at services and during my other involvements there.

I literally have a closet full of clothes now. Probably enough presentable and normal female clothing for 1-2 weeks at work. I need more shoes though (what girl doesn’t?!). And Mistress has decided that I’ll be having a second pair of ear piercings so I can wear 4 earrings at a time (like her).

Friday I’ll be talking with my gender therapist about next steps to start hormones. We’ll also go over a rough timeline. Bring it on! Let’s get this thing rolling, I’m feeling so ready to make more progress.

Now with more security

Mistress went to visit some relatives late last week. She took the emergency keys to our biometric safe with her. The keys to my chastity cage are in that safe, which opens only by her fingerprint. The safe is cabled securely in our closet.

Until now she had “hidden” those emergency keys in our house. She teased me at times to try to find them, but I dared not look as I didn’t wanted to be tempted to let myself out of chastity. The corporal punishment consequences for that would not be good, and I couldn’t live with the guilt. So it’s actually good that those keys are gone and locked in her relative’s gun safe over an hour away.

We still have a spare set of chastity keys in a tamper-proof box. But the security of my chastity significantly increased by her decision to relocate the keys to our safe.

Before she left she teased me pretty significantly. She reminded me about how why I was locked up: because tiny (her name for my cock) is so small and inadequate for her needs. She said she might find another guy to have sex with while she was away. Some stud with a man-sized cock that could really please her. And she asked me what I thought about that. I said “I want you to be happy, even if that’s what it takes” and I meant it.

In the end she was too busy with the relatives to do anything else — or so she tells me. I expect that’s true, since her finally cuckolding me for real would be a new level of humiliation that I’m quite sure she would want me to experience.

I’m continuing to come out to more friends about my plans to transition into a woman. Mistress is supportive, in fact we told her sister today. I’m hoping to start hormones this month, and am continuing to work with professionals on moving forward. Some days I’m scared about how fast things are moving, other days I’m frustrated that we’re not further along in this (roughly) 2 year process.

Mistress and I went out to a pretty busy restaurant this weekend, and I was dressed up pretty. She went with a rather butch look (jeans, jean vest) while I had on a nice dress with hose and matching low wedge shoes. I seemed to completely pass as a woman, which is great.

Lately I’ve had an issue with the chastity cage when crossdressing. Since the cage is bulky I have to really tuck it between my legs. Twice now one testicle has slipped through and escaped between the base ring and the base of the cage. That’s my own fault, of course, for ordering a base ring 2 sizes larger than I wore on my CB-3000 (which I’ve previously blogged about at length).

The last time it happened I requested the keys to get that testicle back into place. This time I worked pretty hard to push that naughty ball back through that narrow space. Nasty! I think I bruised it. Weird how I can not even notice it slipping out. Yet getting it back through is torture. Ah, what we go through to look beautiful!

For those curious about transsexuality, I’ll again recommend the book She’s Not There – A Life in Two Genders. I finished it, and it was very, very good. Hard for me to read in spots, as it got so personal. But very education, very readable, real, and well written.

Male Chastity Devices

In this post I’m going to discuss some of my perspectives on male chastity devices. I will focus on their purpose and security issues. And I will detail how we dealt with these issues in my current experience of chastity.

Prevention

The two main purposes I see for locking up a man’s genitals are: control and prevention. Much has been written about the ways that a keyholder can control the sexuality and behavior of someone locked into chastity. What and how to control is a very broad topic that I will not delve into today. My links page has a few good articles about control.

Prevention is an easier topic, being more limited and practical in nature. What activities does the device prohibit? I see three primary levels of prevention: stimulation, orgasm, and intercourse. Devices can prevent all, some, or even none of these. So when selecting a device, it seems important to know what you wish to prevent, and whether a given device actually achieves that goal.

In my situation my wife/Mistress/keyholder wants to prevent orgasms and intercourse, but she also wants access for stimulation as she loves to tease and deny. To prevent stimulation as well, a properly fitting full belt style device could be used to block all access.

Devices that enclose the penis can severely limit stimulation, but many can also transmit the sensations of a vibrator. For some men such vibrations can be enough to achieve an orgasm. For others (like me), a vibrator against my chastity device can only tease, arouse, and frustrate.

Tube or cuff style devices which fully expose the glans would not work for us. A tight, even painful, shaft restriction does not prevent me from being able to masturbate to release. It’s possible that I could even have intercourse and orgasm with such a device. I think they look interesting, but I suspect they would prevent very little sexual activity for me.

Another, secondary aspect of prevention is visual. Some devices show more of the male genitals than others. Cages and clear plastic models allow the penis to be seen, whereas tubes, opaque plastic, and full belts keep the cock partially or fully out of sight. Since men are sexually visual creatures, one opinion is that the inability to see their own manhood will increase the psychological impact of a chastity device. I think that would be true for me.

One advantage to visibility is that it allows the keyholder to see and possibly access the cock for teasing. I believe cage designs offer a sweet-spot of both visibility and minimal access for stimulation while severely limiting or preventing the ability to orgasm.

Visibility is also closely related to ease of cleaning, which in turn can relate to wearing time. Having to remove a device for periodic cleaning can be desirable or undesirable. In our situation, we appreciate being able to stay clean without having to remove the device.

Another secondary prevention feature of almost all chastity devices is limiting or preventing erections. Attempts to get hard will reinforce the state of being in chastity. Sometimes this can also interrupt sleep patterns due to nocturnal erections.

Some devices offer optional spikes to more severely discourage erections. Some keyholders enjoy this punishment effect, which can discourage behaviors like using pornography or having sexual fantasies, physiologically training him to actively avoid arousing situations. Keyholders can also use it to inflict genital pain by purposely arousing him.

A final secondary aspect of some devices is to prevent the use of urinals. I was able to stand and pee with my CB-3000, but not now. Always having to sit to pee reinforces being in chastity and can be humiliating. Some keyholders enjoy reinforcing this with sissiness or feminization teasing. All my boy underwear has been replaced by panties, for example.

Security

I’m going to use the word “inescapable”, but I must define it first. I consider a chastity device inescapable if the only way out of it requires: 1) damage to the device, 2) damage to the genitals, or 3) access to the key(s).

True inescapability is impossible in reality. I use the term instead to indicate a sufficiently high level of effort that the wearer would not or cannot accomplish.

I could easily escape from the CB-2000 and CB-3000 devices that we have used before. Without a piercing, I don’t believe that any ball-trap style device (even my current metal JailBird cage) could contain me. The flaccid penis can be amazingly flexible – stretching, bending, twisting, etc.

Tipping a ball-trap device forward allows me to easily pull out the back. When soft, I could just as easily slip back into it. I also know I’m creative and handy enough to easily defeat something like the Points of Intrigue. While I never did escape and masturbate, I always knew I could.

Trust enters the equation here. If chastity security relies on trust, then I don’t see the sense in spending money for a more physically secure device. In the extreme, no chastity device is even needed – the keyless keyholder just needs to set the rules (e.g. no orgasms without permission). “Faith-based” chastity, anyone? 🙂

For me, like most men interested in chastity, this level of sexual trust isn’t feasible. That’s a primary reason we get interested in chastity devices in the first place — we fail at self-control.

That’s why I am now locked into an inescapable chastity device. Neither of us wanted to have any worries once it was locked on and the keys were secured. And we’ve achieved that for much less than the cost of a full belt device (which Mistress doesn’t prefer anyway).

Like essentially all men in chastity, there is no way I would damage my chastity device or my cock in order to escape. Either type of action would be obvious to a keyholder and entail consequences much more severe than remaining in chastity. And this is a curious point to explore further.

One common consequence that a keyholder will build into a chastity agreement is the permanent termination of chastity in the relationship for breach of security. While this allows for a “safeword” style exit strategy, such a clause is likely never exercised. Being in chastity is a big deal, and ruining it forever is a huge deterrent. This aspect also eliminates lock picking as a viable approach.

A keyholder can thus leverage a strong interest in chastity into a very serious real-life chastity experience. Neither damage to the relationship nor ending chastity forever are ever seen as worth that risk. He ends up trapped, figuratively and literally.

Access to the keys can also be a trust issue. Are the keys hidden? Does she wear them (and is that really inaccessible)? Does he have a copy? How secure are the emergency keys? Again, relying on trust here defeats a goal of being in inescapable chastity. Fortunately one need not rely on trust to inexpensively attain key security.

Our Security System

The device I wear has two sets of keys. One pair of keys is for the PA-lock (which prevents pull-out). The other pair of “keys” are the only way to remove the high-security screw holding the cage to the base ring. That leaves us with two full sets of keys: her set, and an emergency set.

The emergency set of keys is encased in an inexpensive plastic key box specifically made for this purpose. Once closed, it cannot be opened without breaking it. So any access to the keys will be obvious to the keyholder. I keep this box in my car in case of a true emergency. Our agreement is that Mistress reserves the right to inspect it at any time. She has also custom-decorated the box itself, so replacing it with a new one isn’t an option.

Her set of keys is locked in a safe in our master bedroom. It’s a low-end but very secure biometric safe that opens using her fingerprint. She had me securely cable it into our closet, far away from our bed, to ensure that her fingers cannot come in contact with it while she sleeps. The safe can also be opened by a backup key, which she has hidden. Once she is confident about the safe working reliably with her fingerprint, it sounds like she will keep the backup keys with a relative (locked in their safe). Another option would be to use another emergency key box for the backup keys.

PA lock and JailBird

A penis piercing is a vital component of my inescapable chastity. Since a belt-style device is not for us, and since I can pull out of other devices, that only left one option. My Prince Albert piercing allows the the tip of my glans to be locked to the end of the JailBird cage. This completely prevents any possibility of pulling out.

Many other chastity devices can utilize a PA piercing to prevent pull-out. One concern I had about units with a PA “pin” was that a truly flaccid penis might stretch enough to pull off the pin. Since we wanted as short a cage as possible, this would have potentially left more shaft for “unhooking”. A longer cage might mitigate this, but at the risk of pulling on (and possibly migrating or damaging) the piercing hole.

Summary

One of our goals for chastity was to eliminate the need for trust-based chastity enforcement. A PA piercing was necessary to achieve our security goals. We also took some simple and relatively inexpensive steps to implement serious key security.

The device we selected allows for stimulation and well as easy cleaning and long-term use. The cage length restricts me to a humiliating length of less than 3 inches, and forces me to sit to pee.

The result is a device which I now wear continuously. I know I can’t escape it, and that helps. I don’t spend any effort trying to defeat it, leaving me more energy to focus on pleasing my keyholder. Your mileage may vary, but this is what we have found that works for us.

I’d love to hear your comments.