Prototype

I have been out of the chastity device all day today, but still in “verbal chastity”. I’ve been faithful in that regard, not pleasuring myself at all, not even a little in the shower with the soap and … must not go there.

She’s expressed a little more interest in the CB-100 from Chastity Steel. The altarboy site has six out of six positive reviews of that belt. Personally I love the look of the penis tube. I think my wife/keyholder/mistress will like the look of the CB-300, which has a clear tube so that the straining and compressed cock is visible. They sell additional tubes which are interchangeable, including small ones (down to 2 inches) and ones with small spikes at the end. But the overall price is still holding us back.

She’s directed me to move forward with my project to make the CB-3000 more secure. I tested the waistband today for 4 hours and it was just fine. I’ve been instructed to work a little more on it before bed tonight. A few days in the prototype should show whether it makes sense to move forward with a final, very secure version.

Trouble

Saturday morning, a day to lounge in bed together after waking up. It’s so nice not to have to rush off to work. Gotta love weekends.

My wife and I talked about various things, and eventually the topic turned back to chastity. She was having some trouble seeing how having me in long-term chastity was going to give her what she wants from our relationship sexually. With my cock locked up, she pointed out, she can’t really enjoy intercourse with me. Despite her recent humiliation about “Tiny”, her new name for my cock, she really does want to have access to my cock. It’s important to her to be able to play with it, to feel it inside her, and to watch me masturbate when she wants.

I suggested that people find various ways to use chastity. It’s not always permanent lock-up for weeks or months at a time, despite all the fantasy stories out there. For us, I suggested, it could be used to prevent me from masturbating, and that’s all. She can use my penis whenever she wants, and chastity would just eliminate my access. She very much liked the sound of that.

We talked some more about finding a new, more secure chastity device, and I shared some of my recent research with her. Somewhere during the discussion I mentioned the two concerns I have about our current device, the CB-3000. One concern is that I have a “high ball sack” which leads to occasional pinching and discomfort, as well as cold balls when I’m extremely aroused. The discomfort is well within my limits, but the circulation issue is worrisome. The other concern I mentioned was “pull-out”.

“Pull-out?” she asked. I told her that it’s possible for me to remove my cock from it when I’m very flaccid. “Really?” she asked. Sure, I said, we knew it wasn’t super secure when we bought it. I admitted that earlier in the week I had tried it just to see. “And?” she asked. I was able to pull out and put myself back in just fine. This was not new news to me. But apparently this came as a major shock to her.

“So, you’re telling me that you can get out of our chastity device any time you want?”. At this point I start to realize that I’m probably in some serious, serious trouble now. “Well, yes, but you need to know that I’ve never masturbated like that! I’ve played along every time you’ve had me locked up. I’ve been faithful that way!”. Very slowly she says “Played along?”. Shit, I am so screwed.

At another point in our conversation I tried to clarify what she meant by “masturbation”. I felt that it always included an orgasm – she didn’t. So suddenly some things I had been doing when unlocked were revealed as totally not ok by her. Talk about digging the hole deeper!

On and off for the next few hours she kept at these topics. Eventually she decided there was no point in having me wear our current device. She put me under “verbal chastity” where I am not allowed to stimulate my cock at all without permission.

Later in the day she was off having her nails done — those fingernails that she uses to mercilessly tease and torture my nipples and greatly arouse me. I took the opportunity to take the CB-3000 to my workshop and fashion a pull-out prevention accessory. I’ve seen some for sale on-line, and in about a half hour I had created a prototype that could be used to test for wearability. I left it in her office with a note; she hasn’t seen it yet. I’m hoping it will help us move past this point.

She also wanted to see pictures of the various styles of chastity devices out there. I gave her a set of maybe 80 photos to look over. She plans to then give me more direction as to our next chastity belt.

One last update. She asked me to make an account on collarme.com in order to connect with a transsexual friend of ours.  We know this friend from our local kink community, and they have experienced years of chastity with 87% lockup time. While doing so I noticed that my wife’s profile lists that she is actively seeking men and couples. A few posts back she said she would have sex with someone else while forcing me to watch in order to punish me. I feel like it’s just a matter of time now.

Surprises

Part of being in a FLR (Female Lead Relationship) is relinquishing control over certain aspects of your life. In the context of this blog, it’s about my wife/keyholder making all the decisions when it comes to my genitals. That includes the length of time that she keeps me locked in chastity, when and how she allows me sexual pleasure, etc.

Last night reinforced that surrender of sexual control. During the work day she texted me about wanting to unlock me before bed so she could play. I was expecting more teasing and denial, ending with me back in chastity. But that’s not how it went. What happened was wonderful, and I noticed how my expectations got in my way.

I feel like I’m not letting go enough, since the things I fantasize/anticipate set me up to judge things rather than just let them happen. Part of the intensity of Power Exchange, for me anyway, is truly experiencing the helplessness of the loss of control. I know that’s why I love being in bondage. But our new sex and chastity dynamic is showing me another opportunity to practice letting go.

She instructed me to unlock myself and wash up before coming to bed. I presented my naked body to her and she just made the little motion with her finger that means “get busy pleasuring my clit with your tongue.” I did, and she had her first orgasm before long. Then she wanted me inside her. After 3 days of chastity it was heaven to feel her warmth and wetness wrapped around my cock.

She directed me to go very slowly. I always have to ask now for her permission before I can orgasm, and she indicated that I was not to cum. That was a challenging request, but I succeeded. She explored different types of pressure and varied my speed until she had two more orgasms. Then, to my surprise, she gave me permission to cum. She told me to go slowly and count the number of seconds until I came.

It actually felt very nice to go slow. It seemed like one-third teasing and two-thirds pleasure, which was awesome. The counting, however, was pretty distracting and delayed my orgasm — but not for long, since at 21 seconds I had a huge release that felt incredible. We spent some time being physically close and enjoying what we call the afterglow. I felt very, very fortunate to have been allowed such a wonderful experience.

Afterwards we watched a movie (check out “Shortbus” – lots of sex). When the movie was done, she mentioned wanting to have a threesome again. She clarified that I would definitely be locked up, maybe tied up or maybe not. My mind went instantly to a cuckold scene again, but then I realized that the third might very well be a woman instead of a man. My wife is very bisexual, and  the movie graphically include all types of sex. Note: the R rating is totally wrong!

A short while later she noticed that I had an erection again and asked me why. I was reluctant to say, but she insisted I tell her. So I admitted to thinking about being locked up and having to watch or help her be sexual with someone else. She asked why that turned me on. I confessed that being helpless while she achieved her own sexual pleasure was erotic to me. She seemed to take note of that, but we didn’t discuss it any further. I felt good about just being honest and just letting the rest go. She is in control.

She surprised me again in the morning by letting me know that she would be sending me to work in a diaper and plastic pants. This was another aspect of our kinky past which we briefly explored years ago. She decided against locking my pants belt and zipper closed to enforce chastity and keep the diaper on. A full workday held too much potential for overusing the diaper with no remedy.  She was clear that I was not to masturbate, and to tell her the truth if I did so I could be punished. And she reminded me that after last night I shouldn’t need to get off anyway.

A change of plans that evening resulted in me wearing the diaper an extra 5 hours, including visiting her parents, a neighbor, and eating out at a restaurant. I’m grateful for the wonderful technology in today’s adult diaper products (Depends super-plus underwear, for the curious). It held a lot, didn’t leak, was comfortable, and I had no rash at all after 14 hours (at least 10 of them wet).

My research into serious chastity belts continues. I’m thinking about creating a page of links here for others to reference. I haven’t found a single site that has all of the current manufacturers listed together. I might include some quality FLR-related sites too. I also made contact with a friend in our local kink community who has had the great fortune of spending time in three high-end belts, including a custom-fitted Reinhold (wow). I’m convinced that those are the cadillac of chastity belts (with a price to match). Ah well, it’s good to dream.

Tiny

I’ve been locked in my chastity device for 3 days now. My wife and keyholder loves to do things that get me aroused. She really enjoys it when I’m going crazy for some genital stimulation. But since my cock is trapped in this hard plastic penis prison, I can’t even get fully hard. Of course my body tries, as her teasing causes a cascade of sex hormones in me. Blood rushes to my cock, which grows a little until it fills the small space in which it’s enclosed. But I can’t touch or fondle any of the sensitive areas of my cock. The frustration for me is immense. She loves it.

Last night I came to bed and was treated to more teasing and denial. Her fingernails on my nipples are like a hotline to my horny state. In just seconds I’m bucking and moaning, desperately trying to have an erection and to feel some pleasure on my cock. But alas, no erection or pleasure for me, just more teasing as she smiles and watches.

“You can cum if you want, go ahead,” she teases. Nothing I can do will give me an orgasm when I’m locked up, we both know that. But her sincerity is so real, offering me just what I crave – sexual release. “I can’t, you know I can’t,” I whine. “Why not? I guess you have a weak penis. A strong one would be able to break out of that small plastic thing. A big manly cock would get so hard it would burst right out.” My ego shrinks, but my cock doesn’t. “Yes ma’am,” I reply, “I’m sorry my cock is so weak, you deserve a strong one.”

“Yes, yes I do” she replies, leaving the implications hanging in the air. I wonder if she’s seriously thinking about finding another man to have sex with while I’m locked up. For all I know she is emailing with several possible studs that could bring her the pleasure I can’t. She continues “Yours is so small, it just can’t satisfy me.” I can’t help but agree, “Yes ma’am, it’s only about 3 inches right now, and it’s as hard as I can get”. We both know I’m over twice that when I’m unlocked, but the reality is that I am locked up until she says otherwise. Yet deep down I want so much for her to be satisfied, with or without my cock.

“Three inches! That’s about the size of my pinky!” she teases, wiggling her pinky in front of my face. I agree. She continues her torment. “Look at how hard my pinky is, it’s harder and bigger than you!” I agree, “Yes, ma’am, it is.” She doesn’t stop. “Your teeny weeny weiner can’t satisfy me as much as my pinky can, and I’ll show you.” She puts her hand between her legs and starts masturbating herself with her pinky. “See, my pinky can bring me to an orgasm. Why can’t you?”. I dejectedly reply “Because my cock is too small”. She orgasms, and then says “Yes, that’s right, it’s way too small. It’s pathetic.” Then she wipes her wet pinky on my upper lip, and the smell of her sex makes the throbbing of my trapped cock nearly unbearable.

She goes on. “Your cock is pretty much worthless. I think we should name it. What should we call it? Worthless? Teeny Weeny? Shorty? Tiny? Shrimp? How about Pencil Dick? Maybe we should get the name tattooed right on your cock. That would be fun. What name should we pick?” I’m not sure how serious she is about having a tattoo put on my penis, but I know it’ll hurt, so it seems that a shorter word would be best for me. “Tiny,” I say. “Ok, Tiny then, that’s really very accurate.” She tortures my nipples more as I buck and moan.

“You know,” she continues, “I still think it makes sense to have you castrated. Just get rid of those pesky balls once and for all.” This is the second time in a week she’s mentioned this. While I’m pretty sure she’s not serious, I can’t be absolutely sure. She seems to be expecting a response from me. “Well, without my balls then my tiny cock would be totally worthless.” She agrees. “Yes, that’s true. No erections. It would just be a small flap of skin hanging down there, wouldn’t it?”. “Yes, ma’am”.

“Maybe we could have it turned inside out, then you wouldn’t have to try to tuck it under when you get dressed up like a sissy.” The nipple stimulation continues, and I can’t help but agree. Images play in my mind of being transformed into a woman. I know that surgery can turn a penis into a vagina. “I wonder how some hormone cream would work for you,” she ponders aloud. This is really blowing my mind. I’ve read plenty of fantasies about forced transformations, but this is my wife talking to me.

“Well, we’ll just have to see. I’m tired now. Goodnight to you and to Tiny.” She stops the nipple torture and gets comfortable for sleep. Again I lie awake for a long time with so many things running through my mind. Slowly the blood drains from my groin, and it occurs to me that Tiny is now even more tiny.

Pounded

To briefly revisit yesterday, my wife sent me erotic text messages at work hinting that she wanted me to give her oral sex, that she wanted to feel me inside her, and that she wanted to fuck me. That last one was a bit ambiguous, since it could mean either using me as her dildo or sodomizing me with one of our strap-ons. This kept me aroused at work, filling my chastity cage to capacity and making my balls ache.

By the evening I felt had done a few particularly positive things in her eyes, so I had some expectation of being rewarded. Note to self: avoid such silly assumptions in the future.

She was already in bed as I came to crawl in next to her. I pulled the sheets back to find some items on my pillow: a tube of lube, and a dildo with a condom on it. I was a bit shocked. Perhaps I was fortunate that it was the smaller of our two strap-on compatible dildos, although it is about the size of my erect penis (6+).

I looked at her and she told me that I was going to fuck myself while she watched, and that she’d probably help too. I spread out a pad to keep our sheets clean. Then I crawled in bed and lubricated the condom on the silicone cock.

“How did you want me to do this?” I asked. She said “On all fours, facing that way. I want to watch you fuck yourself”. No doubt that she knows what she wants. I reached behind and placed the head of the slippery, rubbery cock against my anus. I pushed in it in slowly. She said “Well, that sure went in easily.” She likes to tease me about how my body seems eager to be sodomized.

“Ok, get busy” she said. I started pumping it in and out, moaning due to both the anal stimulation and the ache in my caged genitals. Before long she took over, and started seriously pistoning it deep into me. I lost touch with reality as my focus narrowed to the intense sensations of the anal reaming. It occurred to me that this must be what it feels like for women when the man gets to that “bring it home” point. It’s like some sexual threshold is crossed and gentle intercourse becomes a pounding. Now I was being pounded.

Or so I thought. Suddenly she was actually pounding the base of the dildo when it was already fully inserted. This gave it an extra inch of penetration. In my head I empathized again, thinking this must be what it feels like to have a hard cock head slamming into your cervix over and over. As she pounded I felt the balls of the dildo slapping up against mine. I wondered how different it would feel if they were warm and real.

She stopped and told me to keep going. In my head space I was being fucked by a man. By now he would certainly be in the home stretch, so I plunged it fully in and out at a fast pace. I kept it up until I didn’t think I could take it, and then went a little longer out of guilt for probably having taken too long with my wife in the past. I ended with several deep, slower orgasmic thrusts. I stayed there on all fours, panting.

“Ok, sit down,” she said. I did so, which meant that I was sitting on the dildo, anchoring it deep inside me. She proceeded to play with my nipples. “Go ahead and masturbate,” she teased. I whimpered “I can’t.” “Try,” she ordered. I stroked the hard plastic shell surrounding my cock, feeling absolutely no sensation of course. “Try here” she said, pointing to the very base of my shaft, which was outside the cage and the only part of my cock that was both hard and accessible. Rubbing that, of course, was also futile. Yet she seemed to be enjoying it all.

As she teased me more, she asked me how it would feel to be unlocked in a month. “A month?” I pouted. “Tell me,” she said, continuing the intense nipple stimulation. I awkwardly said that it would probably be really difficult, but that I’d probably survive if it would make her happy. She minimally acknowledged my response with a “Hmm”.

After that she had me crawl into the sleep sack. This is a tight spandex body sleeve, which zips up and ties tight to keep me immobile. She put a pillow over my face, and said “Now I’m going to masturbate and pretend you’re not here.” And she did. I listened as she pleasured herself twice, and then fell asleep. Bound tight, I struggled to fall asleep, with all sorts of images and questions running through my head.

Ongoing teasing

Last night was an example of what I suspect will be common for me now. She played with my nipples for quite a while, which drives me crazy in a sexual way. For me that’s a close second place to the eroticism of stroking my penis. Of course since I was locked up, my attempt at an erection was completely thwarted, which she seems to greatly enjoy. Before long her efforts slowed, and soon she was asleep. That was it for me, just some cruel sexual teasing.

Throughout the work day she sent me text messages about how horny she was. She talked about how wet and swollen she felt, and asked if I could taste or smell her sex. She even said she wanted to feel me inside her tonight, but I’m doubting that includes an orgasm for me. That teasing at work is rough, my balls ache all day.

Last night I did some research into more serious chastity belts. There are some mid-range products out there, but some of the reviews were very negative. It sounds like one of the few high-end belts is where we’re going to end up. Please feel free to comment if you have personal experiences with a quality CB. I’ll write more as our selection process moves forward.

Relocked

Last night was quite a treat. My wife made it clear that she wanted us to have an “early bedtime”, meaning she wanted some attention. That involved her being on top of me and riding me for her pleasure. She didn’t want me to move, which gave me a strong sense of being objectified. Although she didn’t reinforce it verbally last night, I know that it arouses her to be using me basically as a dildo.

After her orgasm, she allowed me to cum inside her. I wasn’t expecting that! I was quite appreciative to her. I had expected her to just lock me up after she achieved her pleasure. She likes to cuddle after sex, so I was sure to do that with her. And we talked.

She told me that she had masturbated yesterday. I was speechless. Not because I didn’t think she masturbated, it’s just that I hadn’t really thought about it. Being a guy, my own masturbation usually holds center stage in my world. She observed my silence and asked me if that bothered me. I said no, that it just surprised me, and I asked her if she masturbated very often.

She burst out laughing. She laughed and laughed. She noted how typical it was for the male to focus on his needs and not even think about hers. Her point in sharing, she clarified, was to remind me that her orgasms continue, with or without me, particularly when I am in chastity. My inability to cum, or even get hard, has absolutely nothing to do with her enjoying sexual pleasure. The point was not lost on me.

My orders for tomorrow were to lock myself back up after my morning shower. She asked how much risk there was that I might masturbate before then. I was honest and said there was some risk. So she laid out the consequences. If I masturbated before relocking myself, she said that I would stay in chastity for a month, and that she would tie me up and make me watch while another man fucks her.

I was blown away. I calmly asked her why she would do that, since I understood that she didn’t want to be sexual with other men. She said she didn’t necessarily want to, but she would to punish me. “If that’s what you want, then go ahead and masturbate. Just be sure that’s what you really want.” My head was swimming.

She asked “So how would you feel about being forced to watch another man screw your wife?” I told her I thought I would find it difficult emotionally, as if some line were being crossed. I admitted that I did have cuckold fantasies, but wasn’t sure I could handle it in real life. She reinforced that she was serious, and that if I tried to lie about it she would know.

All morning I was seriously aroused, as thoughts of having to watch her be sexual with someone else ran through my head. As a fantasy it was erotic as hell. My heart told me I might cry if I were to have to witness her with another man, but my hormones kept me erect. On the one hand I wanted to call her bluff (if it was one), and on the other I was too scared to actually take that step already. It was very difficult, but I did not masturbate.

I am current locked up. It’s clear is that she is getting more serious about this. I’m pretty certain that it will be for well over 5 days, as she mentioned before (“ever longer” periods of being locked up). She is also leveraging my behavior, making requests in a way that have me fearing the consequences. I am worried about displeasing her and what that might mean for punishment. And I find it all wildly erotic and frightening at the same time.