Paving the way?

I’ll probably appear to be a bit fixated on this topic, but I wanted to share a conversation from last night while it’s still fresh in my mind.

My wife revisited the “jealousy” topic (see my prior post) after we went to bed. She wanted to talk about it more, in some detail. It surprised me.

She started out saying she wanted to be sure she understood how I thought I would feel if she were to have sex with another guy.  “So, you’re telling me you wouldn’t be jealous?” she asked.

“Well, like I said before, if it threatened our relationship, like if you wanted him instead of me as a life partner, then yes, I think it would be terribly hurtful for me. Not in a erotic humiliation sort of way, but in a severe depression and life sucks sort of way.” I continued, “But if it was just sex and not a deeper, emotional relationship, then… I don’t think I’d be jealous.”

She still seemed surprised. “I just don’t get that,” she said.

I asked her “Well, how would you feel if I had an affair?” Her response was immediate and firm. “Oh, that’s easy. I’d leave you immediately and we would get a divorce as soon as possible. I hope that’s clear. Is it?” I said “Yes, Ma’am, very clear. That will never happen.”

There is no doubt that this is a female-led relationship, that she is the dominant, and that I am her submissive.

“Let’s walk through a scenario,” she said. “You imagine it happening for real, and tell me how you feel.”

She continued. “You come home from work someday, and things look a bit messier than usual in the house, like maybe I’ve been distracted most of the day. You don’t find me downstairs, but hear something upstairs and come into our bedroom. There you see me naked on the bed with another man. We’re having sex, and the room smells like we’ve been doing it for hours. I don’t hear you, as I’m just about to orgasm again, and I do, making quite a bit of noise. Then I do notice you, and tell you to shut up and sit down. What do you do?”.

I said “I’d quietly sit down, without saying ‘Yes, Ma’am, right away’ as you’ve instructed, because you said to shut up.” She replied “Very good. And how would you feel?”

I pondered this, trying to put myself into this mythical situation. It was difficult to separate the idea of this really happening from a fantasy (one I’ve had many times). I answered her, “Well, I would feel surprised, shocked, and maybe a little hurt. But I’d also feel somewhat good that you were enjoying yourself so much, being sexually satisfied by him.”

Then she asked “How about if he was giving me oral sex? How would you feel about that?” That answer seemed easier: “I’d feel a little more hurt by that, since I really enjoy going down on you, and it’s something I can still do.” She didn’t miss the opportunity to rub it in, saying “Yes, I guess that is the one way you can still satisfy me sexually. We both know that, thanks to the hormones, tiny is more worthless than ever.”

She put her hand down my pajamas to check tiny’s status and said “This is turning you on, isn’t it?” I had to admit that it was (it always does). The answer to her question was obvious, but despite that, we both knew that there wasn’t enough there for me to sexually satisfy her. My size, thickness, and firmness has substantially decreased; a year of feminizing hormones will do that.

She rolled over onto her stomach, and put a hand down between her legs. She made a point of telling me “I’m going to masturbate now, thinking about having sex with a black guy I met at a swingers party before I met you. He had a magnificent cock. I gave him a bj back then. I might still have his email address. It might be time to reconnect. Mmmmm.” She started moaning and bucking her hips. I put my hand on her thigh to feel her gyrate until she came, relaxed, and got quiet.

It feels like I’ve just gone past that point — where those who want to be cuckolded suddenly realize that this might not be just a fantasy anymore, and that it’s truly out of their control. Maybe she’s just mindfucking me again. But what if she isn’t?

And yes, it really did happen like this last night.

Hanging free for now

Mistress gave me an orgasm on Friday. It had been 48 days since my last one, and I was securely locked up for the last 35 days.

I had a doctor’s appointment the next day, one that included a genital exam. So she wanted me to take it off (I would have been fine leaving it on, and it wouldn’t have gotten in the doctor’s way at all). Mistress masturbated me while biting my chest. It didn’t take me long.

I don’t think she realized it, but she stopped stroking right as I started to cum. I begged her to keep going, and after a short pause she did. Fortunately I had another climax and got to fully unload. There was a ton of fluid. No surprise, I suppose, since it had been almost 7 weeks of celibacy for me. I was worried that she was going to give me a “ruined orgasm”. That would have really sucked!

The doctor appointment was with my endocrinologist — the one who will oversee the female hormones that I am likely to be on in a week or two. She did a health history, advised us about the risks, did a quick physical — including the genital exam and a prostate exam with Mistress watching! Yesterday I had some blood drawn for lab tests, which should show me healthy and ready for hormones. About a week for those test results.

Mistress told me today she’s looking forward to me having a pussy. She has plans to fist me in a variety of ways, and was telling me details today. She want to fist my pussy and the pussy of a friend of ours. She’s done us both before, but obviously one of her hands was up my ass then, the other in our friend’s vagina.

She also wants to double-fist me – one in my pussy, and one in my ass. And she’s talked about the various dildos she plans to use to fuck me. (I wish she’d fuck my ass now!).

Another thing she plans to do is have people watch while she sews my labia lips together (explicit image here). And yes, she’s completely serious and I fully believe she will do it.

Not sure what she plans to do about keeping me in chastity once my easy-to-secure cock becomes a tempting pussy. She’s never liked the full waist-belt style metal chastity belts, but maybe she’ll end up locked me into one. Not sure how else she’ll be able to control access to my eventual clitoris otherwise.

For the moment Mistress has decided to leave me out of the cage. It will help me crossdress more effectively (and comfortably). A few months back you may recall that I signed a written chastity contract with her. It clearly specified that I must avoid all masturbation or stimulation of my genitals, and that I have turned over all of my sexuality and control of my cock and balls to her. So even though I’m not locked in the JailBird, I am still “in chastity”. And I fully intend to be faithful to her and our contract.

Boundgasm

My spouse, Mistress, and keyholder took me to a kinky party yesterday, but left me in chastity. However, I was luckier than another guy we saw there.

It’s been over 5 weeks since my last orgasm, and 23 days of continuous lock-up in my JailBird + PA-lock. Last night, though, I watched a poor guy get teased to an unbelievable degree — and he’s been denied orgasms for 57 days.

His owner had bound him (naked of course) to a suspended leather sling with plastic wrap in the dungeon at this party. She then proceeded to sexually tease him for a solid hour, stroking his cock and stopping before he could orgasm. A small audience watched.

If he got too close, she would give him some “distracting pain” to “help” him avoid an orgasm. Things like slapping the head of his cock really hard with her hand, or grabbing his balls and squeezing them hard. He got close to cumming time after time after time. But he never spurted.

I’m not sure what their agreement was, but he was begging not to orgasm. In the end he got his wish, but not before what seemed like an unbearable amount of substantial penile stimulation. His owner knew how to get him off, her hand-job technique was clearly effective. He was hard the whole time, and making the most interesting noises throughout.

His scene was still going on when Mistress decided it was time for me to submit to her and our friend. She took out our lightest leather bondage hood and secured it tightly around my head. It has a snap-on blindfold and a snap-in gag, which she left out initially.

She led me over to a bondage table, with webbing for dozens of straps to bind the limbs and torso. I’d been on it before, and knew what to do. I removed my clothes and got in position to be tied down.

Mistress kept it simple, using just 5 of the thick nylon straps to secure my wrists, ankles, and waist. Our friend joined us, and I was then blindfolded and gagged. They wasted no time and started tickling me mercilessly. I recognized the voice of the owner of the other chaste male who was tickling my feet and really enjoying watching me thrash and squirm and (try to) yell. Mistress and our friend were at my sides tickling my ribs. I felt completely out of control as my body tried uselessly to move away from the excessive stimulation. They all seemed to have a great time.

Eventually they stopped, and Mistress directed our friend to help calm me down with “smoothing” hand motions on my skin. My breathing slowed, and I settled down.

Then I felt her start stimulating my nipples. Mistress whispered to me that she wanted me to orgasm in front of everyone in our new special way. I nodded to let her know I understood and would try. At this point we’ve only done it a few times, and I wasn’t sure I could do it there in the dungeon. But, wanting to please her, I was going to try.

The nipple stimulation continued, and I continued my deep breathing, focusing not on my cock but on the growing sense of sexuality throughout my body. My cock doesn’t get very hard during these experiences — it’s not a penis-based orgasm. I felt the sensual energy building inside of me.

Then she was biting me. Mistress’ teeth dug into the flesh of my chest as her fingers continued their very arousing motions on my nipples. Then our friend began biting me on the other side, and licking my nipple as she sucked my breast skin into her mouth. The pain mixes with the pleasure for me, taking me deeper and farther.

I heard Mistress ask me if I needed more, and I nodded. The two of them continued stimulating me and biting, until finally I went over the edge. My body shuddered and I felt flushed. I strained against my bonds as I tried to arch my back and spread my legs as the orgasm spread through me. They continued stimulating me and pushing me on, until I went limp. Mistress reminded me to continue breathing as I recovered.

I wasn’t sure what to expect at the party, but it was a very nice scene. Mistress seems very interested in exploring this alternate way of pleasure for me, and she continues to show no interest in my cock. I think it’s her way of encouraging my new female sexuality to emerge.

A number of people seemed surprised when I got undressed before the scene. But I wasn’t sure if that’s because they didn’t realize I was a guy (I was wearing a new hot dress for the party), or if they hadn’t seen a stainless steel chastity cage like mine before. Either way, I was fully on display for quite a while. Being blindfolded, I have no idea who was watching during our scene.

A short while later I was dressed again, fetching Mistress some food and then massaging her feet as she chatted with others. A little while later we were back in the dungeon watching several other scenes, while I was Mistress’ footstool. It was a wonderful evening.

Teasefest

Mistress and I entertained her sister today. It was the first time I was dressed in my female role in front of a family member. It went very well.

We were eating a late lunch out on our deck, and the two of them were talking about men and relationships. Somehow the conversation turned to black men, and Mistress made me quite embarrassed. She told her sister about the man adjacent to her workplace, how attractive he is and what a nice sexual partner he would make. He’s the one she teases me about having sex with a lot (I’ve blogged about that many times before).

Her sister thought she was just lightly teasing me, so Mistress went further. She said “just because my spouse won’t be able to please me like a man, that doesn’t mean I won’t get any.” Her sister laughed like it was a joke, and Mistress just sat there with a smile. I blushed like I had too much makeup on. “After all,” Mistress clarified, “I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual.”

At another point in the conversation Mistress told her sister “Chastity isn’t so bad,” when talking about her sister not dating for a while. Of course that was a subtle dig at my locked up cock.

After her sister left, we stayed on the deck to chat. I found an inchworm and we watched it for a while. Mistress named it “tiny”, for obvious reasons. “Go, tiny, go!” she said as it slowly moved across the table. At one point I remarked that he was “straight up”, and her quick reply was “Well, I haven’t seen anything like that in quite some time.” I observed that it was by her choice, and she just smiled.

Mistress used me for her own orgasm this morning. I really enjoy being used like an object that she uses for her own pleasure. I mentioned to her that it turned me on. She said she didn’t notice, and that it doesn’t matter anyway. I love it that she’s right — that her sexual pleasure matters and mine doesn’t.

Morphing Normality

It’s been 12 days so far in chastity this time, and to be honest, I’ve hardly noticed. It’s just the way things are now.

Sitting to pee is just second nature, I hardly think about it. About the only time it registers is around showering. And even then it’s just procedural: wash it, dry it, put a little lube around the base ring.

You’d think having a tight stainless steel locked to your penis would be a bigger deal.

We’ve had the JailBird for almost 4 months now, and I’ve worn it at least 95% of that time. Male orgasms appear to be a thing of the past now. They are simply not interesting to her at all any more. I don’t even find I crave them that much, although I suppose I could easily fall back into the masturbation habit. I don’t want to, though.

Now that I’ve experienced (what seems to be) female orgasms, there’s just no comparison. The last time we did that, tiny (her name for my cock) was only a little bit hard, barely at all. Mistress stimulated my nipples, touched and rubbed me elsewhere on my upper body, and guided me with her words to relax into building wave after wave of sensation. Eventually  I went over the threshold into this extremely blissful state, with my whole body participating in the sensory experience. It’s hard to describe, but oh so wonderful.

Mistress prefers me to have these “girlgasms” because I don’t get all cranky and grumpy afterwards. Right after, all I want to do is get close to her — even cuddling right next to her doesn’t feel close enough. I just crave feeling her next to me. The next few days I’m extra attentive and loving to her, so appreciative and present. I think we both prefer it this way.

And this works out pretty well with the whole sex-change business. I’m feeling impatient lately. I want to get on with this Becoming a Woman thing. I mentally put myself in that role walking around work every day. Even though am not ready to approach them yet to discuss it, part of me is so ready to come out — all the way out.

Over a dozen friends now know. And in about a month I will be coming out to my “church” community, fully transitioning there so that I can dress as my new female self every Sunday at services and during my other involvements there.

I literally have a closet full of clothes now. Probably enough presentable and normal female clothing for 1-2 weeks at work. I need more shoes though (what girl doesn’t?!). And Mistress has decided that I’ll be having a second pair of ear piercings so I can wear 4 earrings at a time (like her).

Friday I’ll be talking with my gender therapist about next steps to start hormones. We’ll also go over a rough timeline. Bring it on! Let’s get this thing rolling, I’m feeling so ready to make more progress.

Fem-O and P

Mistress just used me as her urinal. “Come here, quickly!” she called from down the hall in the bathroom. I hurried in and she directed me to kneel down so she could pee in my mouth. I positioned my head and she started pissing. I quickly swallowed repeatedly to get it all down without spilling or choking. She was giggling and smiling, and when she was done she seemed pretty pleased with how it went (so to speak).

I recently bought her a GoGirl, which is a soft rubber funnel-like thing that allows women to pee standing up. No, really – see for yourself.  Only about $13, reusable, portable, comfortable, and good for female domination too!  You might find it at a local medical supply store. I was hoping she’d use it with me.

She said she plans to use it a lot more, particularly in our bedroom in the evenings and overnight to save her trips down the hall to the bathroom. She plans to stand next to my side of the bed, relieve herself, and then just crawl right back into bed. I guess I’ll be peeing for both of us now. She also talked about how handy it will be for traveling (no more waiting for a wayside rest stop!).

I’ve had fantasies of being used this way for many years now. Of course there are plenty of on-line stories about this. But real-life isn’t always like the fantasies. For example, daytime urine usually isn’t too terrible (depending on diet, of course). But morning pee can be pretty potent, but that’s just bonus humiliation. As with so many other things, it’s up to her now going forward.

Some irony about this occurs to me. While I’m locked in chastity, I have to pee sitting down on the toilet. Now with her GoGirl, she can pee standing up. A curious reversal.

My transgender journey continues. This week I met with the psychologist who will be coordinating my overall care, including recommendations for hormones and (hopefully eventually) surgery so that I can fully transition to be a woman.

I dressed as a female for my appointment with him and it went really well. I felt confident and comfortable, and think I did well answering his questions about my background.

I’m also interacting on-line with other transgendered folks to learn and ask questions. I shared an amazing discovery from that group with my wife earlier this week: the idea that a (transitioning) male can have a female orgasm. The idea is to provide sexual and sensual stimulation that doesn’t include the male genitals. I showed her what I read on-line, and she said “We’re going to try that – tonight!”

And we did it. I had a female orgasm. A few days later we tried again and succeeded. We were both a little surprised, in fact I went into in not really believing that I could do it. But… wow.

It really helped that my wife is bisexual – she knows how to pleasure a woman’s body She also knows what a female orgasm looks like. There’s a flushing of darker color that often happens on the neck and upper chest, followed by a whole-body experience of wave after wave of amazing feelings. And she saw me go through both.

Another fascinating effect we noticed both times: tiny (her name for my cock) wasn’t hard right before, during, or after these female orgasms. It was a different physiological experience altogether. No pre-cum, no ejaculation, not even much of an attempt at erection.

I won’t go into details of exactly what we did. I want to encourage male chastity, which is in major part about orgasm denial. Finding another way to have an orgasm while in chastity sort of defeats the purpose. Actually, I’m not sure I could accomplish it by myself anyway. The first time she had tied me to the bed, and the bondage helped me to let go.

We both noticed that my post-orgasmic attitude was different — not as crabby and male.  Yet it seems tool early to report on just how that will work out longer-term. In particular, when I start taking female hormones as part of my transgender transitioning, my body is likely become even more sensitive. I’ve read that breast growth can hurt, and that nipples can be so sensitive that even clothing can feel overly intense on them. Like others, I’ll just have to deal with that (likely with a bra).

I don’t mean to make it sound like deciding to work towards a sex change is a trivial thing. It isn’t at all. This has been a life-long issue for me. My wife of 10+ years finds it easy to validate that she’s seen it in me, to some extent, all the time we’ve been together — more clearly now that our home life allows me to crossdress whenever I’m at home.

There will be a lot of upheaval in my life. I will likely be abandoned by some of my friends and family. It will be expensive and difficult in some ways. And I have never felt more comfortable, more whole, more genuine. I have some fears, but very little doubt that this is the right path for me.

Two to One

Mistress woke me up this morning to use me to pleasure her to two orgasms. We were still in bed.

She started by arousing me. That turns her on, since we both know that I can’t orgasm or even have an erection being locked up as I am. She loves to torment me and watch me crave and beg for relief, knowing that the keys are in her sole control.

Once she had my attention, she sat her sexy naked body on my chest, then moved her crotch to be directly in my face. She grabbed my hair and pulled my face against her pussy. I didn’t need any further instructions, and began licking her clit.

She moved down a bit further so I could apply more pressure. Then she instructed me to bend my knees so my legs formed an incline for her to rest on. I continued lapping at her sex, and soon she had her first orgasm. I gently caressed her while she relaxed in her happy space.

She moved closer again, and my tongue found it’s way inside her. She started rotating her hand slowly on her sensitive nub while I orally penetrated her. I felt so happy to be pleasuring her. It didn’t take long for her second orgasm to wash over her. Then she rolled off, crawled back under the blankets, and instructed me to cuddle with her.

I thanked her for the opportunity to serve her. She just stroked my hair. I held her and let her enjoy her time of post-orgasmic bliss.

For my Saturday chores, Mistress let me wear my formal housekeeping dress instead of my everyday housekeeping dress. The formal one is black instead of light grey. And it looks best with black hose and black heels, instead of the white tights and white work shoes I normally wear. She complimented me on how nice the kitchen floor looked after I swept and hand-washed it on my hands and knees. I did lots of other chores too.

While changing for an evening event, she came up behind me and leaned me over the end of our bed. She played with my nipples, which arouses me intensely. I was only in my panties, and she was grinding her crotch against my ass pretending to fuck me. She kept stimulating me and I was moaning.

To my surprise she retrieved a dildo, slid a condom on it, lubed it up, and slid it inside me. Then she returned to playing with my nipples while she penetrated my behind. Again I was whining and moaning, craving release. Then she presented an even bigger surprise. She retrieved the keys to my chastity cage from the safe and tossed them on the bed.

“You’ve been such a good girl lately, I think I’ll allow tiny to squirt just once.” I wasted no time in removing the PA-lock and cage. My partial erection from all the stimulation made it difficult to pull the cage off my cock. Of course I managed. Then she was behind me sliding the dildo in and out while flicking one of my nipples with her other hand. I steadied myself with one hand and jerked off with the other, spraying a large amount of cum.

My orgasm was intense and wonderful, but it really struck me how brief it was. My legs were wobbly afterwards. I was really aware that the build-up and physical release was fleeting, and then it was gone and I was off cleaning up and putting things away. While I really enjoy those moments of pleasure, I somewhat regret how quickly they pass. My wife seems to enjoy much more time of post-orgasmic bliss.

Although she had two orgasms today and I had one, she’s had a total of five during this latest lockup.  Combining this with my last round, she’s had 11 orgasms to my 2 over the last 4.5 weeks.

A couple hours later Mistress interpreted something I said as harsh and snippy. “I can sure tell that you had an orgasm.” I politely disagreed, but she wouldn’t have it. “With an attitude like that, I’m not sure I’ll ever let you have another orgasm.” I stopped disagreeing.

So, my next period of chastity begins. I hope she will use me for her pleasure again soon. If I cannot orgasm, I at least want her to be happy.

Spurtage

Mistress released me for an orgasm last night – yay!

I came to bed after her. As I walked around to my side of the bed, I looked down and there on the bed were the keys to unlock my chastity device. I looked up and she was smiling at me.

“You’ve been such a good girl this weekend, I thought you deserved a reward,” she said. Wow, what a nice surprise that was to hear! I guess we did do a bunch of shopping together. There was a lot of intimate talking which helped us be really connected all weekend. And we redecorated the living room like she wanted.

I immediately unlocked myself, and tiny (her name for my cock) slid out of his cage for the first time in almost 3 weeks. I’ve grown accustomed to not getting aroused on my own, so I didn’t get hard right away.

She grabbed tiny and shook him around. “Wake up tiny! Time to get hard!” she taunted. I was surprised that I had to sort of work at it, both mentally and physically. Fortunately she jumped right in to help.

She started using her mouth and tongue on one of my nipples, and her fingers on the other. For me that provides a lot of stimulation, and tiny was bigger and ready for action before long.

She put some lube on tiny and started masturbating me. I zoomed into an erotic dreamland. Having had no genital stimulation at all for weeks, the sensations she provided were intense and almost overwhelming. It felt so incredibly good, so very much better than the jerking off I used to do so often by myself.

It was no longer than two minutes before I was done. Just as my orgasm started she removed her hand, and I panicked about a ruined orgasm. I begged frantically for her to continue and thankfully she obliged, smirking and stroking me and salvaging the rest of a wonderful orgasm.

She wanted me locked back up right away, so the cage went right back on. She had left the safe open so I could return the keys to it, telling me to close and lock it once the keys were safely inside. She said “I like having you be the one to lock the keys away.” She clearly enjoys the dominance embodied by that simple act.

I teased “Well, I sure hope they’re actually in there the next time you open it.” She didn’t hesitate with her response. “Oh, I’ll be checking tomorrow morning, and they better be there. I checked last time too, so don’t think I won’t notice.” Wow, she is serious about this. “Yes, Ma’am,” I responded.

I then offered to bring in the emergency key box from my car for her to inspect. We discussed that briefly, and she agreed that doing that over the next few days would be a good idea. It’s tamper- proof, and she fully expects to find it intact. And she will.

Tomorrow might be a big day in my transgender journey. My therapist will be making her recommendations about what she suggests as next steps for me. I’ve invited my wife/Mistress/keyholder to the appointment, and she plans to attend. I’m not sure what to expect, but one possibility is that she’ll give me a referral to be evaluated for starting on hormones. I also suspect I might get a referral for continued transgender and/or transexual counseling.

I’ve written a little about my gender issues here, and most of it has had a kinky or sexually playful slant. What I haven’t bored you all with is my decades of feeling different, and all the deep conversations on the topic with my wife. She’s unbelievably supportive. She also asks difficult and probing questions as we try to be certain about what choices to make.

Transsexuality isn’t a trivial issue — it’s a big deal. It deserves a lot of attention and careful consideration. It’s expensive and requires a substantial emotional investment too. Professional support and treatment is necessary. And one needs to be really certain this is right for them. Doing it for the wrong reasons is known to be a terrible mistake, and I wish to avoid that.

Since my intention is to focus on chastity in this blog, I won’t go into lots of details here. But I can continue to share the high-level steps along this journey. I’ll again request your input: please take my super quick one-question Poll (here:

). Thank you.

Poll Time

Mistress used me to achieve two orgasms for herself this weekend.

Saturday morning she woke before I did. I was asleep, face down, when I felt her climb on top of me. She was naked from the waist down and she positioned her crotch between my ass and lower back.

She leaned forward and grabbed my wrists tightly in her hands. As she held me down, she rocked her pelvis against me which stimulated her clitoris. She must have been pretty horny because it took her less than two minutes to build up to her first orgasm, which caused her to shout out.

Still holding my wrists, she laid on my back panting and enjoying those post-orgasmic feelings (the ones she has denied me for three weeks now). Soon she was back at it, bringing herself off for a second time.

As she lay on me breathing hard and recovering, she whispered “Did you like being used as an object for my pleasure?”. I answered honestly “Yes, Mistress, I am so happy to be used for your pleasure.” She replied “Good, because I will use you as I wish. As you can see, I certainly do not need your worthless cock to have my own orgasms.” I replied, “No, Ma’am.”

She climbed off me and continued. “Of course if I wanted a real cock inside me, I am free to find one. Isn’t that right?”. I said “Yes, Mistress, it’s important to me that you get the pleasure you want and need, since my puny cock cannot satisfy you.” She agreed, saying “Yes, that’s exactly right,” and then left. I was aware of how tight my cage felt, as my futile efforts at an erection were again prevented.

Saturday morning I performed my household chores in my housekeeping dress as usual. I was finishing scrubbing the kitchen and dining room floors on my hands and knees. She enjoys seeing me in such a subservient position. She remarked that the floor looked nice (she loves a clean floor). I said that I was proud of the job I was doing, that it didn’t just look clean but was clean – so clean that I’d eat off it.

She happened to be snacking on a bar, and she walked over to me. Taking a small piece off her bar, she dropped it onto the floor right in front of me. I was still on my hands and knees, and I looked up at her. “Go ahead, eat it,” she commanded. I leaned forward and ate her scrap off the floor. Then I said “Thank you, Mistress.” She took a few steps back, put her hand between her thighs, and said “Oh, that made me wet!” I know she wasn’t just saying that. It just illustrates how much she truly gets off on humiliating me.

Later this weekend we were out shopping, and she bought me a new food dish. My trough has been replaced with a pink dog dish. She also bought a small one that she said “is just right for me to pee into”. She didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t ask any further questions. More on that when it develops.

And now a request for my readers. Please take my super quick one-question poll:  

I’m finding more to write about lately with my gender identity journey, which seems somewhat likely to lead me into a transgender and possibly transexual future.

I’m still in chastity.  Today is day 19 of continuous lockup. There is no end in sight, although Mistress is unpredictable. She still teases me, and I still enjoy writing about my life as her chaste, sissy, submissive husband.

And I’m also starting a journey that may result in me transitioning into a woman. Either way it seems like my penis is out of the picture. But the two issues are quite different: chastity vs transsexuality.

Thus far I have intermixed the topics in my posts. I can continue that, or stick to just chastity. After all, this blog is called lockedHubby. That’s certainly where it all started. But I’ve also included BDSM themes as well as relationship and intimacy topics here.

I’m curious what my readers would rather I focus on in this blog. Let me know via the Poll, and I’ll share the results after a few weeks.

Screwups

I blew my change to be released from chastity for an orgasm yesterday. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Saturday morning we woke up and were laying in bed chatting. My wife/Mistress/keyholder told me she’d like to unlock me to ensure that tiny (her name for my cock) “gets a good bath”. By this she means a good (usually harsh) scrubbing.

The prior evening we had watched Margaret Cho’s “Beautiful” comedy stand-up performance (excerpt here).  Margaret is awesome, we love her (but Cho newbies may want to check out her previous tours first). Anyway, part of her act was going off about stinky dick. So I jumped to the conclusion that my wife was concerned about that with me. Certainly that was true with the CB-3000, but I can keep the JailBird nice and clean. In addition, putting the PA lock back on is a bit of a hassle.

So, keeping my defensiveness in check, I commented back to my wife that I am very able to keep it clean, and that “a bath for tiny” really isn’t necessary. She dropped it for a short while, then brought it up again. And again I said we didn’t need to do that. You can probably guess what she said next. I didn’t see it coming – go ahead, call me an idiot.

“Well, I was going to release you today and let you have an orgasm. My plan was to get into the shower with you and let you soap up my naked body. Then I was going to wash tiny until he squirted. But twice now you argued with me about unlocking you, so you can just forget about it now.”

Fuck!  Fuck, fuck, fuck. I didn’t say that, but I thought it really loud. What a dunce.

And that was that. It’s Sunday afternoon now, and she’s not said another word about it. But that wasn’t my only screwup that day. Oh no.

In my last post I mentioned that I wanted to offer my newly hairless body to Mistress this weekend in a special way. She approved a “surprise” scene for Saturday afternoon. When the time came, I gave her a note and asked her to give me 1/2 hour to get set up, then she could come up to the bedroom.

The note outlined that I would be tied to the bed and gagged, naked (but in chastity of course). My cage would be covered to hide my useless genitals, but in a way she could rub herself on it for her pleasure if she wanted to. The rest of my body was slick with massage oil, and the note suggested she could feel free to arouse herself by rubbing her body on mine. I thought she’d enjoy a bondage/lesbian/sensually erotic scene.

Wrong.

She came into the bedroom as I was finishing up with the wrist cuffs. She said “Here, let me help” and she tightened them both and locked them to the corner bed restraints. Her enthusiasm at securing me surprised me. My ankles were already tied out. I had a ball gag in and she tightened the blindfold. “Comfy?” she asked rhetorically. I nodded. Then she left, going downstairs to her office for what I estimated was about 1/2 hour.

At this point I had no idea what was going on. I laid there bound, gagged and naked, unable to do anything but await her return. Part of me wondered if this was a way for her to reinforce the objectification – leaving me as a toy to be used if and when she wanted. Another part of me was worried that I had messed up.

When she eventually returned, I got my answer. “So, according to your note, you had a particular scene in mind, right?” I nodded weakly, concerned about where this was headed. “Well, what if I’m not interested in that? And by the way: I’m not. So let’s review your note.” She read the note to me, word for word. “It’s good you put the part in about me doing whatever I want to you, because that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

With that she sat on the bed next to me. The next 10 minutes were torture, consisting of her flicking my nipples painfully and tickling me relentlessly. I was yelling and begging for her to stop, thrashing around in my 4-point restraint. After that she took our leather paddle and reddened the inside of my thighs. Then some more tickling and belly-button stimulation which I also greatly dislike.

She tortured me as I yelled and thrashed, and I heard her laughing. Yes, she was really, truly enjoying the hell out of this. I was in tears from the torment. She said “You know I’m a sadist, right?” I nodded, as we both know that’s one of the reasons I wanted to marry her. She continued this torture for a little while longer.

But I wasn’t prepared for the next part. Behind the blindfold my eyes went wide as she asked “Where are my needles?” OMG. Just after New Years I gave her a present: scores of new hypodermic and acupuncture needles, along with alcohol wipes (this post). Through the ball gag I directed her to a dresser drawer. I could tell from her voice that she was serious.

I felt her rub a wipe on some skin on my leg, and then heard her opening one of the needle packages. “I haven’t had a chance to use these yet. And you said I can do what I want, didn’t you?” All I could do was whimper, torn between not wanting to be her pin cushion and wanting so much to sincerely please her.

“Stay still, don’t move,” she said. I felt her pinch the skin on my leg. I braced myself. I really hate needles, and she knows this. I felt the needle enter my skin as she pushed it through, and I bit hard into the rubber gag as I screamed. “That’s one,” she said, “I think we’ll start with five.” My whimpering protests were unintelligible through the gag.

I bit down hard as she swabbed, pinched and poked me four more times. Then she sat back and caressed around the areas. “Don’t thrash around now, we don’t want one of those needles poking into your testicles now, do we?” In my mind I saw a needle dangerously close to my tight scrotum poking through my chastity cage. Must … be …. still.

Seeing my blindfold had slipped, she adjusted it back into position and said “Keep this in place. If it moves again, that will be five more needles.” Ok, I think I can do that.

“Now I’m horny,” she said, and she climbed on top of me, still fully clothed. “Do not move around, I don’t want any of those needles poking me. Understand?” I nodded, truly scared for me and for her. She ground her crotch against my chest and worked herself up to an orgasm. In doing so, her chest was in my face and it moved the blindfold.

As she carefully got off of me, she noticed the blindfold was out of place again. “What did I tell you?! That means five more needles.” I whimpered and whined and begged. “Do you want more than five?” That shut me up, briefly anyway.

I felt more alcohol swabbing, followed by more skin pinching and poking. My teeth dug into the gag each time as I screamed during and cried afterwards. After the last one she laid down next to me and caressed my face, feeling my tears. I panted and calmed down, feeling very loved by her attention and grateful that the torture seemed over.

“Would you like to see?” she asked? “I’ll release one hand and you can get the rest.” She did so, and soon I sat up and removed the blindfold. I expected to see ten needles still in me. But there were none. There was just one place where two little blood spots indicated where one needle had been. Nine of the “needles” were mindfucks. I cried.

I unfastened my ankles and she covered me with a soft throw. We cuddled together, and I sobbed with my head on her chest and in her arms. I really am needlephobic, and this was an intense scene for me. Her aftercare was perfect, and eventually I settled down. We talked and processed things, we both learned some things about the other, and our intimacy deepened once again.

Overall it was an incredible scene. But she made clear that she wants to be in charge of them. Me defining the scene was not a good move on my part. I thought I was offering something new to her, but I see her point now and my error. In my quest to make her happy, I can do better.

Twice yesterday she sent me out crossdressed for errands. One to pick up dinner, and later to pick up a DVD. Today she send me out grocery shopping for ingredients for a new recipe she wanted to try. And yesterday as usual I was in my housekeeping dress for several hours cleaning floors, vacuuming, doing dishes, and other chores at home.

We have a local kink/BDSM party coming up in 2 weeks. Last time she put me and my newly received Prince Albert piercing on display (prior post here). I’m wondering if she will keep me chaste until then. That would be a full month. I’ve daydreamed about being milked at the party. I fully expect to be displayed again so people can see my cage and PA-lock.

But after this weekend I’ve learned my lesson about suggesting scenes or activities. The moral of this story? Mistress is in charge.

  • Calendar

    • September 2020
      M T W T F S S
       123456
      78910111213
      14151617181920
      21222324252627
      282930  
  • Search