Not just any dildo

Mistress took the brand new, very realistic cock shaped dildo and held it to my face. “Kiss it,” she commanded. I did. “Open,” she said, and I obediently opened my mouth. She slid it past my lips, sensuously working it slowly in and out.

“You like that, don’t you?” She kept going as I tried to respond, my words came out all garbled due to the intruder. Then she briefly stopped and allowed me to speak. “Yes, Mistress,” I said with complete honesty. “Of course you do,” she shot back, “because you’re a little slut whore who loves to suck cock, isn’t that right?” This time she didn’t permit a response as the dildo went deeper and faster, down my throat as I choked on the deeper thrusts. She laughed and continued for a while, amused, as tears started running down my cheeks from gagging.

Fast forward a few days…

We met a kinky couple we know for dinner. Afterwards we gave them a present. She opened the box to reveal a dildo, very similar to the one that recently raped my mouth. But this one is a little better and has a handle for, well, “ease of use”. Her husband rolls his eyes and says “well isn’t that special”. Our friend is delighted because she recognizes what it really is.

It’s a replica of my own cock – the penis I won’t have anymore in about 16 months.

Mistress ordered kits to create dildos of tiny (her name for my cock). Yes, they make kits that you can use at home (like this one, which I can highly recommend) – handle not included (that was my idea).

So now Mistress can gag me and fuck me with “my own cock”, as she calls it. And one of our friends can pleasure herself with a near-exact replica of my penis. Eventually Mistress wants me to be fucked in my new vagina by some man of her choosing while my own cock invades my ass.

Despite Mistress telling me some great fantasy stories while making the penis castings, tiny wasn’t at his largest. And that’s somewhat humiliating. Then again, I’ve been on estrogen for about 3 weeks now. And the way the mold cures, I think gravity can’t help but shrink them a little. But perhaps I’m trying to compensate.

One story Mistress told me was how transsexual women are a lot more likely to be raped by men (a statistic she made up just to tweak me). And, she said, since I’m such a slut it’s likely to happen to me before too long. (Can you tell she knows that I have fantasies about being raped?) She talked in detail about what these two men would do to me, which greatly turned me on as the molding material set around tiny.

Yesterday she had me place an additional order for the silicone components. We’re going to use our best cast one more time. This time it will be a “chocolate colored” version of my cock. She said this will make it easy to tell which one she will use over and over in my ass, and which one will get used in my mouth and eventual pussy.

The last time she allowed me to have a boy orgasm, she rolled our “dildo of tiny” in my fresh cum and then made me suck and lick it off the dildo. It was the first time she had ever made me eat my own ejaculate. I was a bit shocked that she just did it, but I’ve turned it all over to her, and that’s that.

Over the last few weeks she’s allowed me just that one orgasm. Meanwhile she directs me to eat her, teaching me more lesbian techniques as we go. Last night she was very pleased with my progress as she had two orgasms making use of my lips and tongue.

We now personally know several other male-to-female transsexuals, and two of them are having their final sexual reassignment surgeries over the couple of months. I’ve been thinking about the finality of that lately. The penis is converted into a vagina and clitoris, the scrotum into labia. It’s a one-way trip. And so far I’m on track for my own date under the scalpel in late 2013.

I guess at least we’ll have a few things by which to remember tiny.

Hanging free for now

Mistress gave me an orgasm on Friday. It had been 48 days since my last one, and I was securely locked up for the last 35 days.

I had a doctor’s appointment the next day, one that included a genital exam. So she wanted me to take it off (I would have been fine leaving it on, and it wouldn’t have gotten in the doctor’s way at all). Mistress masturbated me while biting my chest. It didn’t take me long.

I don’t think she realized it, but she stopped stroking right as I started to cum. I begged her to keep going, and after a short pause she did. Fortunately I had another climax and got to fully unload. There was a ton of fluid. No surprise, I suppose, since it had been almost 7 weeks of celibacy for me. I was worried that she was going to give me a “ruined orgasm”. That would have really sucked!

The doctor appointment was with my endocrinologist — the one who will oversee the female hormones that I am likely to be on in a week or two. She did a health history, advised us about the risks, did a quick physical — including the genital exam and a prostate exam with Mistress watching! Yesterday I had some blood drawn for lab tests, which should show me healthy and ready for hormones. About a week for those test results.

Mistress told me today she’s looking forward to me having a pussy. She has plans to fist me in a variety of ways, and was telling me details today. She want to fist my pussy and the pussy of a friend of ours. She’s done us both before, but obviously one of her hands was up my ass then, the other in our friend’s vagina.

She also wants to double-fist me – one in my pussy, and one in my ass. And she’s talked about the various dildos she plans to use to fuck me. (I wish she’d fuck my ass now!).

Another thing she plans to do is have people watch while she sews my labia lips together (explicit image here). And yes, she’s completely serious and I fully believe she will do it.

Not sure what she plans to do about keeping me in chastity once my easy-to-secure cock becomes a tempting pussy. She’s never liked the full waist-belt style metal chastity belts, but maybe she’ll end up locked me into one. Not sure how else she’ll be able to control access to my eventual clitoris otherwise.

For the moment Mistress has decided to leave me out of the cage. It will help me crossdress more effectively (and comfortably). A few months back you may recall that I signed a written chastity contract with her. It clearly specified that I must avoid all masturbation or stimulation of my genitals, and that I have turned over all of my sexuality and control of my cock and balls to her. So even though I’m not locked in the JailBird, I am still “in chastity”. And I fully intend to be faithful to her and our contract.

No Fooling

Last night Mistress had me begging and pleading while she just laughed.

We were in bed watching between South Park episodes on DVD, and she just looked so sexy and wonderful. I started caressing her and getting turned on by her beautiful breasts and soft, warm thighs. I told her I loved her and wanted her so much.

She started teasing my nipples, which is like pouring gas on the fire of my horniness. Tiny (her name for my cock) filled his metal chastity cage and was straining against the tight bars. I could not help myself and started begging, I wanted her so very badly.

“Please, please Mistress, I want to make love to you, please!?” She just laughed and kept stimulating my nipples. “I want so much to feel you again. It’s been months since you’ve allowed me inside you. Please?!” Although I am not to ask for release or sex, she seemed willing to play along and I desperately wanted it.

“Months?” she asked. “It hasn’t been that long, has it?” I said “Four months, not since Thanksgiving.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but she did let me inside her once since then. She said “Oh, I don’t think it’s been that long. Besides, tiny couldn’t possibly satisfy me anyway.”

“Please, Mistress, let me try. I want you so much, you are so sexy and beautiful. Please let me make love to you.” She laughed again and pushed me back, then put her feet on my chest and teased my nipples with her toes. “There would be nothing in it for me. Tiny is so worthless, and I wouldn’t get any pleasure. Look at how small and pathetic he is. The last time we let him out he was definitely smaller. Clearly he’s shrinking, if that’s even possible.” I said “yes, Ma’am.”

She continued “So, I don’t see any reason at all to let you out. The truth is that it would be nice to have a real man’s cock inside me right now. A big, firm, nice stud to fuck me properly.” I lowered my head and replied “Yes, Ma’am, you deserve a quality penis to pleasure you. I want you to be happy.” She sighed, “Well, we don’t have one, do we? Just your useless bump of flesh. But hey, if you want to try, go ahead.”

She spread her legs and pulled her labia lips apart. I looked at her. “Let’s see what you can do” she teased. I moved between her thighs and placed the end of the chastity cage between her pussy lips. I gently moved it around, but I couldn’t feel anything. The cage was right up against her wonderful sex, but no sensations for me at all. “There, isn’t that nice?” she said, mocking my attempt.

I leaned forward into sort of a missionary position, my caged cock still up against her opening. It was unbelievably frustrating to feel all the feelings of intercourse except any sensation on my penis. My legs against her thighs, her upper body under mine and next to my arms, kissing her desperately. She laughed in my face. “Are you enjoying this?” she taunted. I was nearly crying. I whined that I couldn’t feel anything.

She laughed again and said “Well, I actually am really enjoying this. I can tell that you are really suffering, and I am loving that.” I meekly agreed, and told her that I was glad she was amused by it. “More than amused,” she said, giggling, “this is not only making me horny, but it’s a lot of fun too.” She went back to stimulating my nipples as I pointlessly thrashed around between her legs, trying to be careful not to bump her sensitive places with the bulky metal cage, but also dying to feel even the smallest sensation of her pussy on my cock.

Nothing. She smiled and kept going, tormenting me relentlessly. The head of my cock, when fully swollen, does protrude a bit between the bars of the chastity cage. But I get no sensation from it, probably because the skin is so tight and there is so little actual contact. So even through the cage provides some skin contact, for me it may as well be solid since I can’t get any stimulation through it.

I begged and pleaded some more, and she said “I let you have an orgasm not that long ago, remember?” Dejectedly I answered “Yes”. She said “And do you remember how poor your attitude was after that?” I couldn’t deny that. “So why in the world would I want to do that again?” she asked. “You shouldn’t, Mistress, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t allow me any more orgasms, ever.” I couldn’t believe I said that, but I did. She said “You’re right, I shouldn’t.” Ok, that was dumb, but I was still really horny.

I caressed her thigh, and she played with my nipple more. Then she pulled her labia open again to display her waiting and wet vagina. I have never been more sexually frustrated in my entire life. She kept teasing and laughing while I begged and moaned and cried. Eventually she stopped and said that it was time for me to calm down. “We need to get something up your ass. Why don’t you go for a pony ride?”

Although it sounded like a question, it wasn’t. She directed me to put the big black dildo on her riding machine. I realize that different people mean different things when they say “big”. So here’s a picture of it.

Big and black

Big and black

It had been a while, and even with lots of lube it still took some time for me to accommodate the “pony’s big black cock” in my ass. Once it was fully inside, she directed the riding speed. The pony started slow and sped up as she told me to adjust the speed. She stayed reclined on the bed, reading a book, while her pony fucked the daylight out of me.

She told me to stop, and that the pony had cum inside me, and that I should thank the pony. It was humiliating to thank her riding machine for raping my ass, but she is the Mistress and keyholder. It took about 5 minutes for me to settle down enough to dismount. It’s always sort of a sad, empty feeling when that massive dildo pulls out of my well-stretched ass. I cleaned up and joined her again in bed.

She wanted a backrub to get to sleep, which I lovingly provided. Soon she was in dreamland. My cock was still straining the cage, remembering in vivid detail when it was next to her sweet pussy. With sore balls I rolled over and tried to get to sleep.

The next day we were hugging in the kitchen and I was overcome again with desire for her. I kissed her passionately and held her, grinding my caged dick against her thigh. Again I begged to be able to make love to her. She just sighed. I pulled down my pants and humped some more, while she laughed at me. I felt her hands around the cage, just barely getting the smallest bit of sensation of the parts of tiny that were poking out between the metal bars.

“If you can find the keys, you can have me” she teased. “But the keys are locked in the safe!” I said. “Not those…” she replied. It took me a minute to understand what she meant. There is a set of backup keys that can open the safe. “But I don’t know where they are!” I cried. “No, but maybe you can find them. Maybe they’re right under your nose!” I knew she was teasing me, likely trying to get me to tear around the house half naked and crazed about sex looking for those keys.

I just couldn’t do it, feeling like there was no way I would find them. “I’ll never find them,” I cried. She just said “Oh well” and lightly patted my bare ass. I pulled my pants back up and tried to settle down by doing the dishes.

By the way, I have no April Fools stuff in my post today.  As with all my non-fiction postings, it’s all true.

Mistress just told me that tonight she plans to tie my wrists and ankles out tightly on our bed and then stimulate my nipples. She’s wants to see if I can have an orgasm (a male or female orgasm) that way. That would be nice, but I suspect it will instead be a long torment session that she enjoys much more than I do.

Two to One

Mistress woke me up this morning to use me to pleasure her to two orgasms. We were still in bed.

She started by arousing me. That turns her on, since we both know that I can’t orgasm or even have an erection being locked up as I am. She loves to torment me and watch me crave and beg for relief, knowing that the keys are in her sole control.

Once she had my attention, she sat her sexy naked body on my chest, then moved her crotch to be directly in my face. She grabbed my hair and pulled my face against her pussy. I didn’t need any further instructions, and began licking her clit.

She moved down a bit further so I could apply more pressure. Then she instructed me to bend my knees so my legs formed an incline for her to rest on. I continued lapping at her sex, and soon she had her first orgasm. I gently caressed her while she relaxed in her happy space.

She moved closer again, and my tongue found it’s way inside her. She started rotating her hand slowly on her sensitive nub while I orally penetrated her. I felt so happy to be pleasuring her. It didn’t take long for her second orgasm to wash over her. Then she rolled off, crawled back under the blankets, and instructed me to cuddle with her.

I thanked her for the opportunity to serve her. She just stroked my hair. I held her and let her enjoy her time of post-orgasmic bliss.

For my Saturday chores, Mistress let me wear my formal housekeeping dress instead of my everyday housekeeping dress. The formal one is black instead of light grey. And it looks best with black hose and black heels, instead of the white tights and white work shoes I normally wear. She complimented me on how nice the kitchen floor looked after I swept and hand-washed it on my hands and knees. I did lots of other chores too.

While changing for an evening event, she came up behind me and leaned me over the end of our bed. She played with my nipples, which arouses me intensely. I was only in my panties, and she was grinding her crotch against my ass pretending to fuck me. She kept stimulating me and I was moaning.

To my surprise she retrieved a dildo, slid a condom on it, lubed it up, and slid it inside me. Then she returned to playing with my nipples while she penetrated my behind. Again I was whining and moaning, craving release. Then she presented an even bigger surprise. She retrieved the keys to my chastity cage from the safe and tossed them on the bed.

“You’ve been such a good girl lately, I think I’ll allow tiny to squirt just once.” I wasted no time in removing the PA-lock and cage. My partial erection from all the stimulation made it difficult to pull the cage off my cock. Of course I managed. Then she was behind me sliding the dildo in and out while flicking one of my nipples with her other hand. I steadied myself with one hand and jerked off with the other, spraying a large amount of cum.

My orgasm was intense and wonderful, but it really struck me how brief it was. My legs were wobbly afterwards. I was really aware that the build-up and physical release was fleeting, and then it was gone and I was off cleaning up and putting things away. While I really enjoy those moments of pleasure, I somewhat regret how quickly they pass. My wife seems to enjoy much more time of post-orgasmic bliss.

Although she had two orgasms today and I had one, she’s had a total of five during this latest lockup.  Combining this with my last round, she’s had 11 orgasms to my 2 over the last 4.5 weeks.

A couple hours later Mistress interpreted something I said as harsh and snippy. “I can sure tell that you had an orgasm.” I politely disagreed, but she wouldn’t have it. “With an attitude like that, I’m not sure I’ll ever let you have another orgasm.” I stopped disagreeing.

So, my next period of chastity begins. I hope she will use me for her pleasure again soon. If I cannot orgasm, I at least want her to be happy.

Party Pounding

Mistress has been teaching me how to make love to her like a lesbian. Obviously that doesn’t include any participation by tiny (her name for my locked-up cock).

She’s had several orgasms now over the past 11 days that I’ve been in chastity. The combination of being totally denied genital stimulation and starting this transgender journey in earnest leaves me ignoring my “male parts” day-to-day. Other than washing around the cage and applying some lube, I don’t tend to think “with my little head” at all anymore.

My poll shows that a clear majority of readers of this blog don’t mind my including details of my gender transition story here, even though my intention for this blog was to be focused on chastity. By a 4-to-1 clear majority, most voters (35 = 81%) agreed with “I don’t mind chastity and TS/TG stuff in your posts; let it all hang out, dude”. The rest selected “I strongly wish you’d focus just on chastity in this blog”.

I’ll try to maintain as high a level of chastity focus here as I can. But I do concede that my gender issues are coming to the forefront of my life. I’ve started laser treatments to eliminate the dark hairs on my face. And in 2 weeks I’m being assessed for a Gender Transition program. I’m hoping to start female hormones as soon as I can.

My Mistress/wife/keyholder is totally supportive, which is incredible. We went shopping together for shoes today, with me crossdressed. It went just fine. We’ve told a few close friends, but are being cautious at this point.

In a few years, if things go well, I could complete my transition to being a female. For real. This has been an issue in my life for decades, so it’s really quite amazing to finally get to a point like this where I can foresee actualizing this part of me. And to (likely) be able to keep my marriage is rare and incredible on top of all that.

While this isn’t part of my interest in going M2F, it occurs to me that not having a penis is sort of like the ultimate chastity situation. I’ll never have a male orgasm, ever again. It’s possible that the “bottom surgery” could leave me unable to orgasm at all (but most do end up with a functional clitoris).

Last weekend Mistress and I attended a big kinky play party locally. I wore a new dress and shoes, and really looked hot! I got lots of compliments. Mistress had a new outfit too and she looked great as well (I think she was a bit jealous, actually).

At the party she had me show my chastity cage and the useless tiny inside to friends. They were impressed with the seriousness of the cage.

Later she used me for a scene. She strapped on our largest dildo and, with me on my knees, had me sucking it and gagging on it as others watched. Then she had me strip, get up on a massage table, and she fucked me hard with it.

As she was impaling my ass, she talked about the people watching, how they were laughing at how small my cock was and that it was locked up. I actually did hear people laughing. She teased that she didn’t think to bring the keys, so I shouldn’t expect any release. I felt very close to having an orgasm with her just fucking me. It was really strange.

More later. I must not daly, Mistress is waiting for me in bed upstairs.

Ambisextrous

I am expecting my wife and keyholder to decide to return me into chastity full-time sometime over the next week. My serious skin infection is healing nicely, but being on two antibiotics has really sucked.

I’m looking forward to putting the cage back on. I haven’t even tried it out since the resizing, and I feel sad about that. The new base ring dimensions will, we hope, solve the arousal/pain problem, allowing for long-term use with no need for removal.

I posted previously about discussions that my wife and I have had about my body, genitals, and gender. She teases me sometimes about having me castrated – which apparently is a very quick and relatively simple procedure when performed by someone qualified. She recently reminded me that I’m the one that brought it up early in our relationship, something I sincerely don’t recall discussing with her. But I suppose I did. She’s even teased about turning me into a full eunuch (no genitals at all).

More substantially, though, we’ve been talking about my gender role and identity. As I’ve been able to spend many more hours per week crossdressed at home (and sometimes carefully in public), things feel different. My wife commented how happy and content I seem to be when I am in my female role.

While at face value the comment didn’t surprise me, we talked further and I realized that she had a substantial point. I feel better, more complete, whole, myself, feminine, comfortable, at ease, happier, and so on when I am presenting as a woman. We both realized this could be something deeper.

Since that conversation we’ve talked a lot more, and I’ve observed myself and my emotions more closely. I was surprised about several things. I realized I do feel somewhat resentful of having to wear my “boy clothes” to work and elsewhere in public. It occurred to me that I have disliked my body hair for decades. Now that I’ve grown out my hair, I love brushing it, and I (surprisingly) don’t resent the extra effort.

We both took the BSRI (BEM Sex Role Inventory) test on-line (you can too – please add a comment about your results). My wife scored +18, I scored +11. Most men would score below zero (e.g. -20). Now since this test was developed in the 1970s, some professionals suggest it needs to be recalibrated for societal shifts since then. Still, it’s a well known professional tool.

Another wonderful aspect of all this is that my wife is completely supportive of this journey of discovery for me. She’s helped me find some gender identity counseling resources in our area. I have my first appointment next week. And she’s made clear that she is committed to me regardless of what genitals I may (or may not) have.

Since she is bisexual and tends to find women more attractive than men in general, there’s an interesting relationship dynamic there too. She said “It would be wonderful if you could get on hormones and grow some real breasts”. She is also happy to consider us living in public as two lesbians, if that’s where things end up.

Is this just some sex-change fantasy thing? It feels like more than that (to both of us). Until recently, when I have had the safety of this relationship and her unwavering love and support, I haven’t been able to even think such thoughts. It simply wasn’t an option to even consider, so there was no sense in seeing it as any more than a fantasy. But now, my sense of self and identity feels called into question, in a sincere and somewhat frightening way.

I shared with my wife a thought experiment I came up with. Consider this: You are offered all necessary gender alteration surgeries for free with no side effects or risks – would you do it? My wife’s answer for herself is a strong no. My gut-level instinctive answer is yes, but I feel myself block that answer with all sorts of fear and rationalizations and junk.

Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements, beautifully clarifies the role of society as responsible for “domesticating the human”. I have been domesticated as a male. But is that who I am inside? How do I integrate these seriously feminine aspects of who I am without damaging my existing relationships (e.g. family, work, etc)? I easily feel overwhelmed about this lately.

I also realized that, as long as I can orgasm, which genitals I have doesn’t matter to me that much. My wife pointed out that my strong desires for chastity and useless penis humiliation could indicate a psychological dissatisfaction with my male genitals. That blew me away.

Am I just getting off on this as a fantasy? No, these discussions don’t turn me on, if anything they illuminate the fact that I’ve fallen into a rabbit hole, destination unknown. I’m experiencing a lot of confusion, many strong emotions, some loss of that sense that I know who and what I am, and some fear that I don’t know where this will lead. I’m open to all possibilities, including remaining just as I am after some counseling to get my head straight.

Oh, and my wife made it clear that we definitely would be getting a female chastity belt for me, if I end up as a woman. She wisely knows that the sexual servant/slut part of me would have an extremely difficult time being chaste. She also clarified that she would have no interest in a dildo attachment for my belt (to fuck her), as that’s what her other (likely black) male lovers would be for. But she certainly would look forward to strapping one on herself and fucking me in all of my holes.

Since this blog is primarily intended to be about my experience in chastity, I promise to return my focus to that – as soon as I am locked back up. This is only the beginning of my gender identity journey. And likely the beginning of some long-term chastity too, very soon.

P.S. In case it needs explaining, the title of this post is a tweak to the word “ambidextrous”, whose first dictionary definition is “using both hands with equal ease”. As I explore androgyny and my feminine side, it seemed to relate.

Equinetration

I spent much of the weekend in my housekeeping dress. The new white women’s work shoes that my wife bought for me are actually quite comfortable. And she thinks they go very well with my dress. She wants to get some type of semi-formal maids hat for me to complete the servant look she desires. I also wore my corset for many hours both days. It cinches my waist by several inches.

I was doing dishes in the kitchen in the afternoon, and the two of us were goofing around. I stuck my butt out at her at one point, and she dared me to do it again. So I did. Bad idea. She grabbed a spatula from the drawer, pulled up the back of my dress, and started seriously paddling my ass. At first I was laughing, but she kept going and eventually I was begging her to stop. She got her apology, and I got a sore bottom for my actions.

(A quick aside: we had company over for dinner on Sunday. My wife pointed out to me beforehand: “Oh, this will be special, you get to eat off a real plate with a fork tonight!”. As mentioned previously, she makes me eat all my meals from a special dog-dish like bowl, and only with a spoon that she dislikes. Unless we have vanilla company over.)

Later we had a bit of shopping to do, and she let me wear some things under my “boy clothes”. I kept my tights, corset, bra, and breast forms on under my men’s sweater and jeans. With my winter coat she felt I was plenty presentable and that “probably no one would notice”. Even if they did, she said they’d just assume they were “man boobs”, which made her laugh. Shopping went fine.

At bedtime my wife announced that I needed some “equestrian training”, which is a euphemism for a ride on her “pony”. I went up to our bedroom and prepared.

I retrieved the “saddle” she had me construct some weeks ago and installed it. The result was a thick, black, very textured, cock-shaped dildo protruding up from the seat of her horseback-ride simulation exercise machine. By the time she arrived, the “pony’s cock” was lubed and I was naked.

She told me to “mount up”. I got into position and gingerly lowered myself, groaning as the dildo stretched my anus and pushed deep into me. My wife, meanwhile, was disrobing. She removed a pad from her panties and rubbed it under my nose. “I’ve been wearing these all day, just waiting to do this.” She had me hold it in my mouth so I would continue to smell her juices, which really turns me on.

Then she got onto our bed and, facing me, spread her legs wide. “Are you ready for some riding practice?” she asked. I meekly responded past her pad which I was still holding between my teeth: “Yes, Mistress.” She told me to go ahead then, and I turned it on the slowest speed. The seat started gyrating, and her pony began to slowly fuck me. Meanwhile she started playing with her pussy about 6 feet away from me.

At first tiny (her name for my cock) was hard, and I was really aroused to see her put on a pussy show for me while smelling her. She had me increase the intensity, spending some time on the two medium settings, then eventually the fast setting. The anal pounding her pony was giving me felt unusually intense tonight — too intense to stay arousing.

Tiny didn’t stay hard, so she came over and tried to help by stimulating my nipples. Even that didn’t help, and tiny was limp and flopping around as the seat bucked underneath me. She held my soft cock in her hand. “What’s wrong with tiny?” she asked rhetorically. “It’s so sad, pitiful really. Look at how small and soft it is. Certainly not capable of pleasure anyone. Good only for being locked up, right?”. I gasped “Yes, Ma’am” as the pony continued reaming me.

It wasn’t long before she ended my training and had me clean up. I realized later that I had used some different lube, and probably not enough, which may have contributed to the discomfort. I was also tired. But it did make me wonder if I might really be losing some ability to stay erect. I wondered if maybe I was mind- fucking myself into impotence by worrying about becoming impotent.

I shared with her later about the lube issue, and she suggested maybe we should try using Ben Gay instead. I begged her not to – I’m just a little terrified about how that would feel.

PA lock

PA lock

Here’s some exciting news! I finally was able to place the order for the PA lock (shown here).  It’s coming from Germany, so it may arrive a week or so after the JailBird (which is due to arrive any day now!).

I also ordered an emergency key box. They’re not that easy to find, so I’ve added two KeySure suppliers to my Chastity Vendors links. This is a plastic box that snap-locks together and cannot be opened without breaking it. They are inexpensive and perfect for chastity keys that are only to be used only case of an actual (non-sexual) emergency.

My wife has a meeting away from home for an hour tonight. She’s mentioned several times leaving me tied up on our bed while she is out, and getting someone to come over and “babysit” me. Turns out she wasn’t able to find anyone for tonight, and she’s not comfortable leaving me unattended and in inescapable bondage. I guess I do appreciate that concern… (sigh)

However, she has recently made contact with another dominant woman online, and has set up a meeting with her so we can all talk and get to know each other. If there seems to be a reasonable fit, my wife said she might invite her over to double-team me, or maybe even use her to “babysit” me when she’s out. Ok, this part is not a mind-fuck, I know she’s serious about this possibility.

Have I mentioned that my wife is bisexual?

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