Changing Gears

Mistress was quite ill yesterday, and I took good care of her. Fortunately she’s feeling much better today. I stayed home from work to attend to her and help around the house with things that she isn’t ready to do yet.

I’ve been spending as much time as possible in my female role at home. It’s more than just crossdressing, I think of myself as a woman. Mistress commented on that today, sharing her observations that I am acting differently now in subtle ways but definitely more feminine ways. She also sees me as very comfortable and much more confident.

I’m feeling quite clear that I am going to stay on this path and, I hope, transition from being a man to being a woman. I consider myself a transsexual in the full sense of the word. I want to be a female in this world.

I made my first full-face laser hair removal appointment today (it’s a few weeks out). It will be so nice not to have to stress about the dark hairs on my face. Shaving only gets me so far, and I end up right on this edge of not really needing more makeup to cover it. I can pass in public with no makeup, but I’m more nervous about it.

I see my new transsexual therapist in a week. His credentials are impressive. I’m a little worried that I won’t be “good enough” for their program, but I’m trying not to stress it.

I look at my crossdressed body and I feel so right. Having breasts (even though they are fake today), smooth arms and legs, women’s clothes and shoes. I can see myself as a woman, and I feel so good about that. Sometimes I’m scared about it, but mostly I’m excited to finally be able to be who I feel I am in the world – a woman.

Having my male genitals in chastity during this time has been, well, interesting. Women’s clothes don’t tend to leave room for a package down there, especially one with an unforgiving and rigid metal cage. Dresses, skirts, tight pants – I have having a bulge. I’m growing to dislike my “man parts”. I can’t tuck them out of the way without discomfort or lumps.

I’m actually looking forward to trading my cock and balls in for labia and a vagina. Seriously. I want my body to look like I feel. I want more bulges on my chest, and no lumps between my thighs. I want to look down and see my female form and feel whole.

Mistress is being so supportive. I love her so much for helping me to open this door and walk through it. I couldn’t do it without her, and I wouldn’t do it if would risk our relationship. I now visualize us together as a lesbian couple; she sees it too. Since she’s bisexual, it is completely ok with her. Sure, she’s concerned about some parts (surgery is scary, the cost, how much will hormones change me, etc). But we are so clearly on this journey together. I love her so much.

I’ll try not to dwell on this too much here in this blog. But once in a while I’ll share my status. It’s a vital part of who I am and my life. I wish the process wasn’t so slow (although I understand it has to be). If I could wake up tomorrow fully female, I would take that option. Until that day, one (high-heeled) step at a time, I guess.

Political thought for the day:  With many US States considering constitutional amendments to permanently ban gay marriage, get this – my wife and I are married, and when I am a woman we will still be legally married (I’ve checked).  Yet as two females we could not get married.  Clearly this (discriminatory, homophobic) law is broken.  I very strongly encourage you to vote in your state against any such amendment. Peace out.