Rocky Road

Real life issues are an unavoidable aspect of a real-life relationship with a D/s focus. All the fantasy stories focus only on the kinky play. But family, work, bills, medical issues, and many other everyday issues still require attention. The relationship itself also needs care and feeding. And the holiday season can pretty heavily redirect the focus to the mundane.

Thus it was for us. I had some hope that my five days off of work over Christmas might be quite a wild ride. But we were scheduled with friends or family most days, with prep activities and related discussions in between. As noted in my previous post, the first two days were a bit rocky for me.

My behavior was much, much better the next two days. In fact, my wife was so pleased that I earned two rewards. The first was to be able to lick her to an orgasm on day three. By the end of day four I had earned an orgasm. And that’s when the train went off the tracks.

After a holiday gathering I got a little freaked out by some things that were said at a relative’s house. It seemed like our life and relationship might be impacted in a major way. I didn’t do very well expressing my concerns to my wife, and she got hurt. So day four ended in flames, and I was not in any mood to enjoy my earned orgasm (although she did offer it to me).

Day five was an emotional recovery day for both of us. Lots of talking, only some of it productive. It was really hard for both of us for a while. My interpretations of the original event were off-base, as was my reaction. She was upset, and I spent some time crying in bed and upset myself, worried about how I had hurt her.

I take it really hard when our relationship is hurting because of me. I experience a lot of fear and sadness about my role in fucking things up. And I have so much regret, I feel like I can’t ever do enough to make things right. I just feel devastated when I fuck things up. I suppose that’s part of why our D/s roles work so well for us. It’s truly core for me to do what I can to make her happy. Making her unhappy rots me from the inside.

One of my coping skills is to be busy doing something. So while she was out I washed the kitchen floor, vaccuumed most of the house, and cleaned the floor of her office (something she’d been wanting for a while). She didn’t mention any of it when she returned, but later thanked me for cleaning her office. We went out to dinner, and by the end of the day things felt almost back to normal. She even teased me a little again.

We watched a movie together in bed, and one of the strong women actresses was running down her daughter’s husband. She said he was acting like a wet, wimpy, whipped dog just following her around. My wife looked at me and said “I like the sound of that, it makes me wet.” And she meant it. I took that as a good sign that things were getting back on track.

This week she will be ramping up on the medication that makes her horny. I have no idea how she will be addressing her sexual needs. She seems to have no problem denying mine lately. All as it should be.

This coming weekend is another long one. I have 2 days off work. We have a relative visiting one of those evenings, and we have one holiday visit to relatives planned. But otherwise it looks to be a 4-day weekend mostly with time for us. Let go, breathe, let go.

We are both disappointed that my housekeeping dress hasn’t arrived yet. I’m looking forward to really looking the role of her house servant. White tights, white work shoes, and a woman’s hotel cleaning outfit will help to reinforce my role as her sissy, submissive husband. I know she will be very happy when it comes.

It’s been 2 weeks since we ordered the chastity device, so there are 2-3 weeks left before it arrives. I’m hoping the PA lock will arrive about the same time (more about that when I order it next week). My 4.5 week old PA piercing continues to look like it’s healing excellently. That suggests that my wife will want to install me in chastity as soon as the JailBird arrives.

I’m going to focus this week on my behavior and attitude, working extra hard on keeping my emotional responses in check, and being respectful to her 100% of the time. That is how I want to be for her, as I know that will make her happy.

Things are feeling back to normal between us today. After work I have instructions to fix an issue with her computer, attend to our babies (the life-like dolls that represent children she’s “had” by one of her “many black lovers”), and to prepare a light dinner for her. It feels wonderful to be able to serve her.

I’m thinking that a good new year’s resolution for me is to be the best submissive I can be.


Damn – my ass has been paddled a lot lately. And with reason.

Yesterday we had a situation at our house (I’ll spare you the details), and my wife wanted to address the issue a certain way. I disagreed, and rather than be polite about it I was grumpy. Ok, I was a bit of an asshole. Not good.

You may recall that I had planned to kneel in front of her after work on Wednesday and put myself in her service for the next 5 days. She declined that, saying she considered the arrangement already in place. And she reminded me that my (linked-chain) necklace was, in fact, a collar. So for me to be anything but her cooperative servant/slave this long weekend will end up being bad for me.

Yesterday her discipline for my bad attitude was to redden my bottom using our nice leather paddle. I was yelling so much (yes, it hurt) that she stuffed one of her dirty socks in my mouth. I reluctantly admit that it worked pretty well to quiet me down.

Today we disagreed about something in the kitchen around lunchtime. Again my attitude was not appropriate. Within the hour I was bent over the bed again upstairs. This time her implements were the red paddle, two of her favorite rattan canes, and our biggest wooden paddle with bumpy tire tread on one side. She wailed on my ass this time, clearly unhappy about two issues in only two days.

After that she told me to clean the downstairs bathroom to be spotless. And she strapped the spiked breast binders around me so the spikes were digging into my red ass cheeks. Certain movements really tightened it, causing significant pain. She seemed pleased at the arrangement. Just over an hour later the bathroom was ready to pass her inspection (and later did – whew!).

I hope I can keep my attitude in check. My butt hurts.

I really do want to descend further into submission. It’s important to me to really be able to give myself completely to her. And I sincerely regret it when my pride, selfishness, or independence gets in the way of my service to her. And not just because of being punished. I feel bad emotionally for letting both her and myself down.

Deep down I know she wants me to submit to her completely. And I want to give that gift to her. It’s not surprising to me that I struggle sometimes, this level of change isn’t trivial. But I do get frustrated with myself sometimes for getting in my own way.

This morning I knelt before her and hugged her, letting her know I loved her very much. She patted my head. I told her that I hope to be able to make love to her sometime soon. She asked “You do, do you?”. I said “Yes, Ma’am”. She replied “Well, somebody will, but I highly doubt that it’s going to be you.” I meekly replied “Yes, Ma’am”.

She continues to point out attractive black men when we are out together. And she mentioned wanting to rent some porn videos that feature black studs with white women. I’m more than a little concerned about what changes might happen once I’m finally locked up for real. It’s only 2-3 weeks away. Will she really go through with cuckolding me?

Based on some of the things she’s said recently, it sounds like she has no plans to let me back inside her. And I know by then she will be feeling physically better, and likely very horny. I don’t know how long she plans to keep me locked up, or release schedules, or anything. And I wonder if and when she will get involved with other men, for real.

Her focus on my humiliation lately has been the uselessness of my cock to her. I’m really feeling my inadequacy reinforced, and part of me is really buying into it. I’m also betrayed by my own cock, as it tries to get hard when she talks about how small and pointless is it, or about her other “lovers” and how satisfied their cocks feel inside her.

We watched a movie about someone who is transitioning their gender from female to male. It was interesting and generated some good conversation between us on the topic. The relationship between testosterone and male-aggressive behavior was made clear in the movie. My wife brought up the idea of castrating me again, clearly pondering the possibility in light of my recent attitude problems. And you know, I have to concede that she has a point (although removing my balls is probably too extreme of a solution for real).

The next day I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I would have a sex change for her. I told her (honestly) that if she wanted it and it would make her happy, I would. And I meant it. It seems like such an edgy thing to play with, something that extreme. It makes me wonder about what she’s using as a mind-fuck and what she might really be thinking about for real.

I brought home a holiday card from my boss, that featured pictures of their entire family. My wife looked at it and said, rather incredulously, “That’s your boss?”. I confirmed it for her. She said “Wow, he’s hot. Do you think he’d like to fuck me? He’s really attractive. Would you mind if I did that, honey?” I said “No, Ma’am, please feel free to fuck my boss.” She just said “Hmmmmm.”

Well, let’s see what the next 3 full days of service to her will hold.

This and That

My Prince Albert piercing is almost 4 weeks old, and appears to be healing very well. I’ve been following the recommendations for two to four sea salt soaks for 5-10 minutes every day. My wife suggests that the soaking is probably shrinking tiny (her name for my cock) even more.

My wife allowed me an orgasm on Monday. Her requirement was that I described to her how I felt while I was handcuffed naked to the post at the party last weekend (see my prior post). As she watched me jerk off, I described the humiliation I felt at the party.

The key issue for me was my inability to get and stay hard, despite being on display like that. I have a strong exhibitionistic streak, and I love bondage, so the combination seemed ripe for me to be aroused. But with the sign around my neck, my pants and panties around my ankles, and all the recent reinforcement about my inadequate cock size, it just didn’t happen.

So I’m laying there trying to masturbate for her, but recalling the embarassment of my flaccid cock visible to everyone. I did want to orgasm, but the mental space she had me in kept me from getting fully hard, and it took much, much longer for me to orgasm. When I did come, it wasn’t anywhere near as strong as the previous time. My mistress can mind-fuck.

Unfortunately the health issue I mentioned a little while back persists for my wife. The net result is that her own sexual activities are postponed until she feels better. It will just take some time. I feel bad that her pleasure has to be put off this long, but one cannot rush physical healing.

We received some new toys she ordered from Extreme Restraints (a vendor we recommend; do read the reviews on specific items though). The spiked breast binders are particularly evil. When attached snugly, a deep breath causes the points to penetrate even further. They left a ring of tiny red marks around my nipples for a few days. She likes the new nipple clamps she ordered too.

Yesterday she texted me at work. Next door to where she works is a salon, and she’s been teasing me that she’s been having sex with the African-American man who owns the place. She implies that he’s the father of our biracial twin (lifelike doll) babies. In her text she let me know how hard and erect her nipples were as she went over there. Nice.

I had some comp time coming at work, and my wife had me arrange it so we have a five day weekend coming up. This afternoon after work I will present myself to her, and commit to being in her service the entire time. I’m a little scared, but both she and I are also excited.

We will probably have an opportunity to test out the new 4-point restraints I installed on our bed a few weeks ago. They tuck up and out of sight, but are easily accessible and secure enough that I could not escape once bound in them. Besides the traditional spread-eagle position, they can be used to affix me bent over the end of the bed, ass-up for punishment or reaming.

This could be a long (fun! I hope) weekend.


As mentioned in my last post, my wife and I went to a (BDSM) party last night. She looked incredible. She had on a black and silver outfit in an asian style. It was open below her neck, temptingly displaying her cleavage. It fit tightly down to her upper thighs, and her black tights highlighted her very sexy legs. Her black strapped boots sent this message: “I’m in charge.”

I followed here in carrying our things. Upon entry I put on my thick leather locking collar. After greeting friends already in attendance, she sat down on a couch and I knelt at her feet. After several minutes of general chat, she directed me to bring her a small plate of food. I retrieved a few treats, knelt again next to her, and held the plate as she nibbled and continued her conversations.

After a while she told me to retrieve the sign and our handcuffs. She put her finger through the ring in my collar and led me into the dungeon area. She backed me up against a thick wooden post that ran from the floor to the ceiling. “Take off your clothes,” she said, and I complied.

She pulled my arms back and around the post, and locked my wrists together with the handcuffs behind the post. Then she hung the sign around my neck, which read “Take a look at my new piercing!”. The handcuff key was on a carabener, which she clipped to my collar ring – visible to everyone but well out of my reach. She took a step back and looked me over, smiling. “Have fun,” she said, and she walked back to the socializing area.

There wasn’t much I could do but stand there, naked and on display. I could see through the doorway between the dungeon and the mingling room, where my wife sat back down on the couch and started chatting with a friend. Others looked at my predicament and grinned.

Over the next hour just over a dozen people came over to me, read my sign, and took a look at the 8 gauge ring running through the end of my penis. Some just smiled and said “nice”, others asked questions about it. When asked, I admitted that the intention is to utilize it in a few weeks for 100% secure chastity.

Mistress (my wife) stopped by briefly a few times to check on me, and to point out how small tiny was. Without stimulation I was flaccid, and I couldn’t have kept it up for over an hour anyway. To “help me be less embarrassed”, she stimulated my nipples as I stood there. I was able to get about half hard, reinforcing my sense of inadequacy. She whispered to me about some women there who were giggling about how small my cock was, and then she left me there for another while.

It had been over an hour by the time she came to release me. Other scenes were in progress around me, all women in bondage – I was the sole male submissive on the dungeon floor. She had me dress and then attend to her again in the social area. I was happy to be free of the post, holding her plate as she again nibbled on food I had fetched for her.

Fast forward to being home after the party – in bed with her biracial daughter (doll). My wife spent a long time teasing me about not being the father of her “baby”. The doll was between us in bed, her coffee colored skin looking so beautiful against our light colored bedsheets.

I was stroking the baby’s skin and hair, and looked up to see my wife looking at me and smiling. I remarked that she looked happy, and asked her what she was thinking about. She said “Oh, I was just remembering when she was conceived.” I asked her if she wanted to talk more about that. She did.

“It was wonderful. Her father is black, as you know, and I find his body very hot. He is strong, muscular, and has a nice large cock of course.” I asked if it hurt to have something so big inside her. “Oh, not at all,” she said, not missing a beat. “I get so aroused by him, so incredibly wet. He slides into me very easily, and it feels just amazing to have him inside me.” She sighed and I noticed her move one hand down between her legs. “After my first orgasm my pussy juices were just dripping out, on your side of the bed, of course.” I said, “Oh, that’s what that was” and she just smiled.

She went on. “That day, you were at work of course. We were here in our bed, and he was doing me doggie style.” In my mind I saw them both on all fours right here on our bed, his muscular black frame enveloping her petite white body, his hips bucking as his massive black cock slid in and out of her hot, wet, pink pussy.

She continued, “He’s so virile, you know. He pumped so much sperm into me. It’s no wonder I got pregnant. I can feel his powerful spray on my cervix, like this hot blast deep in me. Oh my god, that feels unbelievable.” She stared at me, probably seeing a mixture of shame about my inadequacy and happiness for her pleasure. “So much better than the impotent squirts from your tiny thing,” she added. I looked down, feeling ashamed.

Changing topics, I asked “Does she get to see her father very often?” Without hesitation, my wife explained the situation. “No, he’s not involved. He understand that, as my husband, this baby is now your responsibility. That leaves him free for other things, like spending more time with me. You do realize that I take care of my needs while you’re at work all day?” I replied “Yes, Maam, that’s appropriate.”

“It’s more than appropriate,” she snapped. “Since your wimpy white cock is useless, it’s your fault, and I need to find men who can do what you can’t. Isn’t that right?” I lowered my eyes again and said “Yes, Ma’am, of course.” She went on “It’s not easy for me, you know. I probably have ten, twelve men that I see on a regular basis to keep me satisfied. I’ve been thinking of cutting down to three or four…” her voice trailing off as she seemed to ponder all her lovers.

“Oh, but back to her father”, she suddenly said. “His balls are amazing. They are huge, about the size of peaches. Well, they’d have to be to hold all the black cum that comes out of them. It’s quite a difference from your puny, non-functional, peanut-sized testes.” I could feel my face turning red from the humiliation.

She’s kept all the teasing up consistently lately. Talking about her lovers, my inadequacy, my responsibilities for housekeeping and childcare, etc. She also has been reinforcing that she really has no need for my cock inside her anymore. I’m getting a little worried that she actually means it. Maybe it is her plan, once I’m locked up, to get serious about cuckolding and ignoring my genitals long-term. It feels so strange to want whatever it is that will make her happy, even if it’s that.

Big Black Horse

Yesterday after work my wife wanted to go to our local sex toy shop for a new item. She didn’t tell me what, but we wouldn’t make the trip if she didn’t have something seriously in mind.

Earlier in the week she showed me an item she noticed on-line. It was a black cock dildo, but hollow inside the lower half with a strap at the bottom (see it here). The idea is that a smaller cock fits inside it, the strap goes around the balls, and bingo – she would have a nice big black cock to fuck while I can’t feel a thing.

I assumed she was going to ask about an item like that at the sex store. It’s a women-owned and women-staffed store, and I anticipated the embarrassment. I could see her saying something like “I’m getting spoiled by big black cocks – who wouldn’t?” Chuckle. “I’ve seen these cock sleeves. A small cock, like my husband has” she would put her arm around me “fits inside it. Do you have those?” The store staff would smile knowingly, and continue the discussion with my wife, ignoring me.

But that’s not what happened. Instead she picked out a new “pony penis” – a dildo to use on me via her riding machine. It’s not a lifelike horse cock dildo (yes, you can buy many realistic animal phalluses). She selected an extremely thick, very black, cock style dildo. It is over six inches around. Go ahead and measure yourself (or your partner) erect for comparison; I’ll wait.

It’s 6 or 7 inches long and curved, with pronounced ridges around the edge of the glans. She had me construct a “saddle”, which ties onto the seat and holds the dildo in place. It looks rather intimidating, jutting boldly up from the seat. And for the “stirrups” she wanted, I used rope and ankle cuffs to keep my feet near the floor. Without her help I could not dismount, due to the massive intrusion in my ass and bound ankles.

She had me initiate it last night with a good long pony ride. She ran the controls of the riding machine, and added clover clamps to my nipples so she could control the “reigns”. It was an extremely intense experience. Again I went floating, my sexual awareness focused tightly on the deep fucking that her pony was providing to me. At times I felt out of control, like I was being raped. Afterwards I thanked her for sharing her pony with me.

I cleaned up, crawled into bed with her, and started the movie we had rented earlier. I guess I was a bit foggy-headed after the ride. As the movie started she asked “So, you didn’t want to cum?” I replied that I didn’t know it was an option for me tonight. She said “Well, yes, it was, but it’s too late now.” I knew better than to argue. I wasn’t sure what I had missed. Oh well, she is in control.

Our new “daughter” arrived today. A biracial baby girl doll, very lifelike. When my wife holds her, she has this smile on her face that just gets me. Without a word my wife’s face says so much. “Here’s the child I had with another man, a black man with a very satisfying cock and powerful sperm that got me pregnant with his child that you must now raise. Your cuckolding will be on display for everyone to see. Since I will tell anyone who inquires that she is not adopted, they will know your beautiful wife fucks black men. That your cock is useless to me will be obvious to them, even if the chastity isn’t.” That’s her unspoken message to me.

As we marveled at how realistic she looks, my wife admitted to feeling serious maternal instincts. She even put her hand over her tummy and talked about a longing there. She continues to tease me constantly in public about her interest in black men, and their apparent interest in her. She catches their attention, smiles, and points out when they notice her. I honestly don’t know how serious her interest will become, but I see a pattern towards more blatant flirting, even right in front of me. I can’t help but support her in getting her needs met, and she seems to be enjoying it all so very much.

Earlier in the week my wife remarked how strange I look in “boy clothes” when I am at home. She’s encouraged me to crossdress in the evenings and on the weekends, especially for my household chores. She said she is getting quite used to seeing me dressed as a sissy, and that it is seeming more normal to her for my appearance.

I mentioned in a previous post that she has decided that my name is teena when I am serving her at home. That name harkens to “teeny”, which she says is equally descriptive of tiny, her name for my cock. It also sounds like “tina”, reflective of my sissy appearance. When she wants me, she has been very consistent lately about calling for my by this new name. “teena!” she will shout, and I am expected to attend to her promptly.

However, after a few times when I didn’t hear her (e.g. dealing with laundry downstairs), she outlined a little project for me. I’m to provide her with a remote control shock device so that she can get my attention even if I’m out of earshot. I actually have such a unit in my workshop. It has 4 intensity settings, and I’m a little frightened to I think about turning the controller over to her. Eventually it may make sense to incorporate it into our new chastity device.

She has ordered a housekeeping dress and some aprons for me. Not the slutty kind, but the kind you’d see actual hotel staff wearing. It’s functional, and obviously female. I also wear a collar at home. It’s thin, velvet covered, and lockable, featuring a prominent metal O-ring on the front. It’s clear this is a submissive’s collar, not some fashion thing. I do feel wonderfully submissive to her almost always lately – comfortable, natural, and secure.

My wife is also instructing me about makeup and skin care. She’s directed a new morning and evening routine for me. It includes a facial scrub and moisturizer just like she uses. She’s also designated a place for me to store my makeup, clarifying that mine will be separate from hers.

Tonight we have a BDSM party to attend. It sounds like she wants me in tall black heels, tight red leather pants, and wearing my other new “play” collar (thick leather, bold front ring, also locking). She’s made it clear that my submissiveness must be on full display at all times tonight. She also had me make a sign that I’m to wear around my neck for everyone to see. It says “Ask to see my new piercing!” So I expect our friends at the party to learn about tiny and his impending stainless steel prison.

For Real

I ordered the MatureMetal JailBird chastity device yesterday. It will only be a matter of weeks now before tiny is locked into his new 2.75 inch long cage. I’ve found three choices for an 8 gauge Prince Albert lock to use with the JailBird and am close to ordering that as well.

The combination of these two products appears to hit that elusive target for chastity features that we have been seeking: 100% security (no pull-out or masturbation possible), long term wearability, partial access for teasing and cleaning and inspection, reasonable price, and minimal visibility under normal clothing.

While this is truly a dream-come-true for me, it is also frightening. My wife will finally, utterly, and completely control my cock. I have no idea what she has in mind for a release schedule or anything. I’m completely letting go of it all.

My wife said she had coffee last night with the wife of another couple we know who utilizes male chastity. It’s really true that we know several couples who lock up that marital cock. She didn’t share any details of her coffee talk. I suppose it’s possible she met some guy instead.

She ordered a maid/houskeeping dress for me to wear around the house. This isn’t one of those “sexy french maid” outfits – I already have one of those. She feels that one is unrealistic, trampy, and misrepresents women. Instead she wanted something to reinforce my subservient status and sissiness without all the eroticism. It actually feels wonderful to have my submissive nature acknowledged so lovingly.

At bedtime my wife wanted me to take care of “her baby”, our new biracial lifelike doll that represents her first “love child” with another black man. She brought her baby into our bed and I held him. He spent most of the night nestled between my arm and body. This seemed to really pleased my wife. I would catch her staring and smiling.

The doll is very small – premature infant size. He’s darling, with his small face, tiny hands and toes, black sparse hair, and even the body weight being quite realistic. My wife took the opportunity to reinforce her stories about how wonderful it was to conceive him with the oh-so-virile father. She teased me that I have met the father, but she won’t tell me who it is.

She also said that the size of her baby’s body reminds her of how large the father’s cock was, and how great it felt inside her. This comment of hers planted a seed in my head. Now when I see her baby, an image will pop into my head of my wife in our bed copulating with a black man. She is really loving this cuckold mind-fuck game.

I wrote my wife some emails this morning explaining in detail my thoughts and feelings about all this recent stuff: her babies, chastity, tiny being inadequate to satisfy her sexually, and cuckolding. I made it clear that her happiness is my first priority, even if that means I’m experience some emotional turmoil.

She wrote back wanting absolute clarity on one point: “So you are ok with me having sex with other men?”

As I sent my reply, I felt something I have only felt a few times in my life. It was that sense of jumping off the cliff, of acknowledging the total lack of control of the outcome, and of hopeful trust that everything will work out. It’s that butterfiles-in-the-stomach sensation that lasts for quite a while as you wonder “what have I done?” but without the fear.

My reply: “Yes, Maam. Please take care of your sexual needs as you wish.”

This isn’t a mind-fuck. This is my new reality. For the first time in our decade-plus relationship, one of us has full permission to screw other people. And it’s not me (nor will it ever be).

I suspect she may wait until my cock is locked up before bedding another man. That allows a “last hurrah” for tiny. I kind of expect her to thoroughly humiliate me if she does allow me to penetrate her before the locks finally close. I can see her laying there asking “Is it in? I can’t feel it. Are you sure? Well, go ahead, but this is doing absolutely nothing for me.”

Hour by hour it sinks deeper into me. Until now I’ve been her sissy, submissive husband. But sometime soon she will see to it that the words chaste and cuckolded literally apply to me as well.


My wife is out of action for a while.  I won’t go into the details, but it will be at least a week before she’s back to 100%.  Life strikes again.  Fortunately it’s nothing extremely serious, just painful (which still really sucks).

My genital area has almost completely reverted to it’s natural coloring.  Last weekend she decorated me with red and green food coloring for a festive look.  The “Ho! Ho! Ho!” lettering just above my ass has faded, but it is still quite readable.  So we learned that even with showering, dying the skin with food color lasts 2-3 days on my genitals, 4-5 days on my lower back.

One more note about that.  The first night I was allowed to wear “boy underwear” to bed.  I was concerned about staining either my girl panties or the bedsheets.  It turns out that was a good move.  My tighty-whities were quite colorful on the inside by morning, a blur of both red and green.  They went straight into the trash.

A surprise I ordered arrived in the last few days.  I bought a small tube of henna and was going to surprise my wife by tattooing “tiny” on the head of my cock (her name for it).  That got postponed due to the food coloring fun.  For best results, the henna needs to sit undisturbed on the skin for several hours.  I’ve also read about a natural curing solution that will darken the henna and help it last longer.  With luck, tiny might be able to display his name for several weeks.

I think my PA is healing well.  No redness, swelling, or pain.  I’ve read that as much as 2-3 months is considered prudent for full healing before installing a PA-based chastity device.  I wish it wasn’t so long, but I don’t want to do anything to risk the health of this new hole in my penis.

And that includes masturbation.  Last time my piercing hurt for two days after masturbating.  I think it was probably too soon after the piercing (translation: mistake). The ring protrudes from the bottom of my cock about three-quarters of an inch back from the bottom of my urethra.  That means I can’t wrap my hand around the entire glans without disturbing the ring.

The net result is that I can only accomplish about 60% of my usual glans stimulation when masturbating, at least right now.  That makes it pretty difficult to reach an orgasm.  My wife doesn’t mind me being so frustrated, she quite enjoys that part.  I’m hoping that full healing will allow me to get back to full stimulation, but I have a long wait for that.

Of course, I’m not masturbating at all without explicit permission from my wife.  She gave me that permission Tuesday morning, but I declined.  So she entertained herself by stimulating my nipples, which drives me into a horny frenzy.  She spent a good long time teasing me.  My hips were uselessly bucking, fucking the empty air, providing no relief at all.  It’s quite amazing what those little flicks with her fingernails do to me.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if she was actually just teasing me about allowing me an orgasm.  She knows that I’m wanting to give it some time (weeks?) before trying to masturbate again.  So, in hindsight, was her “permission” really just a tease to get me to want to cum?  If so, she’s getting pretty damn good at this Tease and Denial thing.

I’ve been trying to dream up a few solo sex shows that I can perform for her.  I figure it’s just a matter of time before she asks again.  She likes to watch me do things to myself (bondage, pain, penetration, etc).  If anyone has any ideas what I can do to entertain her, please comment!


Yesterday was the one week anniversary of my Prince Albert piercing. Tiny (my wife’s name for my dicklet) seems to be healing fine.

Yesterday was also the first day in a week that my wife / Mistress / keyholder did not choose to have at least one orgasm for herself.  It was a hectic day and she had a lot on her mind by the end of it.  I felt bad that she missed out on the sexual pleasure I know she enjoys so much.

Last night she raised the idea of me riding her pony again, this time with a larger butt-plug, if we had one.  She said she just wanted to watch and that I should take care of all the details.  She wanted me to pretend that she wasn’t there.  We only had one other suitable plug, which turned out to be a little longer but probably not wider.

I got naked for her, then lubed and plugged my ass.  For a little extra fun I strapped on a ball gag and blindfold as well.  Her pony took me for a good long ride.  Keeping my balance on it means moving around quite a bit on the butt plug, which is pretty intense.

Later she told me she ignored me some of the time. It felt both humiliating and erotic to be her personal sex show, which she could pay attention to, or not, as she desired.  This is not the first time she has asked me to “put on a show for her”, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Tonight she’s got plans to turn tiny into a candy cane.  I have instructions to buy some food coloring on the way home.  Using cotton swabs, she’s going to dye my cockette red and green.  It sounds like the coloring will last for several days.

Update:  tiny is now red and green.  I also have one green testicle and one red one.  And my ass says “Ho! Ho! Ho!” in big red and green lettters, which my wife says also reinforces what a whore I am.  She enjoyed painting me so much she went on to wax my back.  She loves to play with wax. It doesn’t hurt as much as a 10 gauge needle through your cock (thankfully), but it still hurts in certain spots.  But she enjoyed herself, and that’s what matters.  I am, however, genuinely frightened that she talked about practicing a brazilian waxing on me.

Over the next week or so I’m planning to whittle down our final chastity device choices.  I think it’s down to about three options, perhaps only two practical choices considering the prices.  As I get closer to requesting her final approval, my nervousness increases.  This is finally it — a truly secure chastity device, one that she intends for me to wear 24×7, and probably x365 as well.

Until now, chastity has been more of a game, and the lack of security has always felt like an “out” to me (although I never took advantage of it).  All of that is about to change.  She will control all the keys, and I will literally not have access to my cock anymore without her permission.

It’s a little scary, because in the past there would be times when everyday life would take over and shift our attention to other things, sometimes for weeks or months.  In the past, I’d just take the CB-3000 off until she wanted it back on (which sometimes didn’t happen for a long time).  I would also “take care of my needs” (a euphemism for masturbating whenever I wanted).  Her focus was elsewhere, and it didn’t seem to matter.

With the new device, regardless of whatever else is going on, the CB will be locked on me.  If her attention is elsewhere, she certainly won’t be thinking about my cock.  It will just stay securely locked in it’s little steel cage.  In a very real sense, my penis will not be mine anymore.

But that is how it should be.  I’ve given myself to her, and that means she gets to decide when and if she will utilize me.  As for my dicklette, she is clearly getting a lot more enjoyment lately out of ridicule and humilation anyway, as opposed to touching it or letting it penetrate her.

Actually, it will be even easier for her to make fun of my useless cock when it’s trapped in a metal cage and never gets any bigger than about two inches long.  It’s strange to accept that my wife would rather laugh at my limp dick-flesh than attempt to use use it for her own pleasure.  Strange, perhaps, but true.

Recent events have included: me wearing women’s panties every day; her buying women’s clothes for me; a PA piercing; an imminent secure CB purchase.  So I am already a pantied and sissy husband, and we’re about to add “enforced chastity” to that description.

Tiny on display

Last night my wife came into my office at home, and told me to move so she could sit in my chair.  She proceeded to lower her pants, sit in my chair, spread her knees, and then told me to “get busy”.  Before I got home from work she sent me a text that said she “was sad no one was home to lick her pussy”.  So I knew what needed to be done.  She got her orgasm.

Afterwards she told me to present tiny to her.  She took a permanent marker and wrote on my cock “My name is tiny”.  And she spent some time ridiculing how small and limp he was.

Today we went to a show with another couple we know.  Afterwards at their house, my wife told me to show them tiny and his new jewelry (my PA ring).  I obediently complied.  The husband winced, but the wife was intrigued and though it looked beautiful.

Tonight, after watching a rented DVD together, my wife stimulated my nipples until I was in a frenzy, begging to be able to fuck her.  She just laughed, and asked me if I wanted to fuck her with her White Knight (the name she has for her dildo).  I reluctantly agreed.  She got it started, and then let me slowly slide it in and out of her.

After a short while she took over, and pulled back her labia to reveal her swollen clit.  “May I please lick your clit?” I asked.  “Yes”, she said, and again I got busy.  With my face a mere inch from the White Knight fucking her, I worked on her clitoris with my tongue until she came.  Afterwards she played with the dildo inside her for a while as I watched.  Then she stimulated my nipples again, driving me crazy, knowing full well I would have no sexual relief tonight.

My next job was to clean her dildo.  She gave me instructions so that it would be ready for her the next time she “needed something inside” her.  Just another reminder that it wouldn’t be me, not for a long time.  She sighed and told me how satisfied she felt, what warm, calm, wonderful post-orgasmic feelings she was having.  I kissed her and told her I was happy that she felt so satisfied.

I feel impatient for my piercing to heal, but I know it will take time.  Perhaps once it’s healed I can get some different jewelry and my wife will let my cock inside her again.  That’s all up to her.  Eventually the healed piercing will lead to one monumental thing, that “click” of the lock of a new chastity device that I cannot escape from.  That will be a new frontier in our relationship, one I am looking forward to.

Bloody Sunday

This is a true-life blog, and real experiences aren’t always wonderful.  I’m very excited about my new piercing, but what happened yesterday was a bit less than fun.

I was doing the dishes, wearing boxers as recommended by the piercer so that tiny could hang free to aid in healing.  I had been daydreaming about being unable to escape from chastity and what that might mean in our relationship.  Of course that led to an erection, my first (conscious) one since getting the Prince Albert ring installed.

I felt a wetness on my thigh and looked down to find a bunch of blood.  A portion of my boxers were saturated with red.  I went to the bathroom to clean up, and surprisingly didn’t pass out — I don’t do well with the sight of blood, particularly my own.  Things cleaned up fairly well, but it was a little freaky.  I was warned there might be some non-trivial bleeding early on during the healing process.

I’m sure it was the erection that stressed things.  Since then there have been no problems.  From the beginning I’ve had virtually no pain, even when peeing.  For those wondering if the piercing hurt:  hell yes.  But pain can be a doorway.

Later on Sunday my wife decided that we were going to buy her a new dildo.  Since I won’t be able to fuck her for weeks, she wanted to be sure that at least something would be penetrating her to help her keep her vaginal tone.  Just because tiny was out of commission for a while does not mean that her sexual activity should suffer in any way.

That evening she ensured that I was watching close-up as she pleasured herself with her new toy.  It was quite frustrating to see something sliding in and out of her, knowing it wasn’t me.  The dildo was wet and glistening with her juices, which I could smell, so it was very erotic for both of us.  She experimented with the vibration settings, and with my face just inches from her pussy I watched her orgasm with her “new lover”.

It was somewhat humiliating, watching my wife pleasure herself without my involvement (other than having to watch).  It’s not that I haven’t seen her masturbate before.  But the context was different.  Her sex life for the next month or so will not include my cock, but a substitute that she seemed to really enjoy instead.  Tiny can’t vibrate, so relatively he is even less useful.

I also realized that this experience was only one step away from a cuckolding experience.  Watching her enjoy the penetration of a dildo is only a little different from watching her enjoy being penetrated by another man’s cock.  I plan to post something soon discussing my perspective on becoming her cuckold.  It’s been a fantasy of mine to be a sissy, submissive cuckold for her and her lover(s).  Thinking about it happening for real, though… it’s a bit frightening, yet compellingly erotic.  I don’t actually know that it’s her plan at all, and I’m leaving that 100% up to her.

What is certain is that I now have a hole in my dick that will be used to ensure that my future chastity is escape-proof.  The possibility of cheating with the CB-3000 was always there, and somehow that was comforting to me.  But there is a finality to this new phase of chastity, where she will indeed be fully in charge of my cock 24×7.

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