Sinking into Submission

Mistress just loves the look of the tea apron on my housedress. This picture isn’t me, but it shows what my formal housekeeping dress looks like with the white tea apron. I wore it all afternoon for all my housecleaning duties today. My wife sees me wearing it and smiles – so happy. She thinks it completes the outfit, making it utterly obvious as to my servant and submissive role. She says it helps me to look like the sissy she knows I am.

She went on to tell me that someday soon she’s going to invite one of her friends over, and that she will expect me to serve them both. This is another dominant woman, someone my wife knows both in the real world and in our kink community. My guess is she will wait until I’m back in the JailBird, so that she can humiliate me both as a crossdressed sissy and as a chaste wimp with a tiny cock.

Partway through my cleaning duties she got behind me and pushed me to the kitchen counter, leaned me over it, and kicked my legs apart. She lifted my dress and started spanking me. Then she bucked her hips into my ass like she was fucking me. She alternated these back and forth, switching to a wooden spoon for the spanking. It was a fun mini-scene, and I actually went into a headspace where I daydreamed that she was fucking my ass with a strap-on and spanking me. I wished it was real. The pain/pleasure mix was delightful. She is so wonderful.

This morning I had hopes that she would be interested in sex with me. I woke up with an erection – something my cage doesn’t normally permit. I held and caressed her in bed, physically trying to get my point across without being annoying. Eventually she asked “Did you want something?” I told her “Yes.” She asked what I wanted. I said “I can’t say. I’m not allowed.”

You may recall that she has forbidden me to ask her for intercourse. She said “Oh, I see. You’d like to be inside me?” I said that I did. She teased, “I see. You’d like to put tiny inside my warm, wet pussy, wouldn’t you?” I nodded. She was quiet for a while, and then simply got out of bed and went downstairs. I was a bit stunned, but then realized that she has to reinforce her rules.

At dinner last night we were talking about intense scenes. I wanted her to know that I was willing to go as far as she would like in pushing my pain boundaries. As an example, I suggested she could spank me until I cried. She replied “Oh, I know exactly what to do to make you cry. All I need to do is make you watch while another man fucks me.” She was smiling as she said this, and I know she meant it.

It’s probably true, I probably will cry. I honestly don’t know how I will react if she does cuckold me someday. I’ve always said the emotional piece would be the tricky one for me (as opposed to physical, moral, intellectual, etc). On one level, I realize it’s just sex. But there’s a (small) traditional part of me that honors her as my wife, my spouse, my soulmate. Very little of that will change, really, just because another man has sex with her. But it’s a line that gets crossed nonetheless, and can never be undone.

All those issues seem small to me, though, compared to two others. One is how erotic I think it would be to be forced into a scene like that. The wimpy husband watching his wife turn on and have sex with another man. The other is my very strong desire for her to be happy. I don’t know if cuckolding me will make her happy, but if it would, then I very much want that for her.

It occurs to me that perhaps she is taking things slow on purpose. If her goal is to have my chastity be long-term, then we have lots of time to develop into whatever new relationship she desires. She’s probably figuring out what she wants too, as we go along. It’s not reasonable for me to expect more at this stage. Reminder to self: let go, let go. She is in charge.

Actually, I feel so grateful to be loved so completely by her. She accepts me, even though she doesn’t mind locking away my tiny cock for who knows how long. She encourages and helps me flourish in my sissiness. It makes such a difference to have this level of trust with her. I’ve wanted that so much, to be able to put all of myself into my dominant’s hands and let her have her way with me. Am I living the submissive’s dream? Sometimes it feels like it. I am sincerely grateful. No wonder I love her so much.

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