Baditude

Damn – my ass has been paddled a lot lately. And with reason.

Yesterday we had a situation at our house (I’ll spare you the details), and my wife wanted to address the issue a certain way. I disagreed, and rather than be polite about it I was grumpy. Ok, I was a bit of an asshole. Not good.

You may recall that I had planned to kneel in front of her after work on Wednesday and put myself in her service for the next 5 days. She declined that, saying she considered the arrangement already in place. And she reminded me that my (linked-chain) necklace was, in fact, a collar. So for me to be anything but her cooperative servant/slave this long weekend will end up being bad for me.

Yesterday her discipline for my bad attitude was to redden my bottom using our nice leather paddle. I was yelling so much (yes, it hurt) that she stuffed one of her dirty socks in my mouth. I reluctantly admit that it worked pretty well to quiet me down.

Today we disagreed about something in the kitchen around lunchtime. Again my attitude was not appropriate. Within the hour I was bent over the bed again upstairs. This time her implements were the red paddle, two of her favorite rattan canes, and our biggest wooden paddle with bumpy tire tread on one side. She wailed on my ass this time, clearly unhappy about two issues in only two days.

After that she told me to clean the downstairs bathroom to be spotless. And she strapped the spiked breast binders around me so the spikes were digging into my red ass cheeks. Certain movements really tightened it, causing significant pain. She seemed pleased at the arrangement. Just over an hour later the bathroom was ready to pass her inspection (and later did – whew!).

I hope I can keep my attitude in check. My butt hurts.

I really do want to descend further into submission. It’s important to me to really be able to give myself completely to her. And I sincerely regret it when my pride, selfishness, or independence gets in the way of my service to her. And not just because of being punished. I feel bad emotionally for letting both her and myself down.

Deep down I know she wants me to submit to her completely. And I want to give that gift to her. It’s not surprising to me that I struggle sometimes, this level of change isn’t trivial. But I do get frustrated with myself sometimes for getting in my own way.

This morning I knelt before her and hugged her, letting her know I loved her very much. She patted my head. I told her that I hope to be able to make love to her sometime soon. She asked “You do, do you?”. I said “Yes, Ma’am”. She replied “Well, somebody will, but I highly doubt that it’s going to be you.” I meekly replied “Yes, Ma’am”.

She continues to point out attractive black men when we are out together. And she mentioned wanting to rent some porn videos that feature black studs with white women. I’m more than a little concerned about what changes might happen once I’m finally locked up for real. It’s only 2-3 weeks away. Will she really go through with cuckolding me?

Based on some of the things she’s said recently, it sounds like she has no plans to let me back inside her. And I know by then she will be feeling physically better, and likely very horny. I don’t know how long she plans to keep me locked up, or release schedules, or anything. And I wonder if and when she will get involved with other men, for real.

Her focus on my humiliation lately has been the uselessness of my cock to her. I’m really feeling my inadequacy reinforced, and part of me is really buying into it. I’m also betrayed by my own cock, as it tries to get hard when she talks about how small and pointless is it, or about her other “lovers” and how satisfied their cocks feel inside her.

We watched a movie about someone who is transitioning their gender from female to male. It was interesting and generated some good conversation between us on the topic. The relationship between testosterone and male-aggressive behavior was made clear in the movie. My wife brought up the idea of castrating me again, clearly pondering the possibility in light of my recent attitude problems. And you know, I have to concede that she has a point (although removing my balls is probably too extreme of a solution for real).

The next day I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I would have a sex change for her. I told her (honestly) that if she wanted it and it would make her happy, I would. And I meant it. It seems like such an edgy thing to play with, something that extreme. It makes me wonder about what she’s using as a mind-fuck and what she might really be thinking about for real.

I brought home a holiday card from my boss, that featured pictures of their entire family. My wife looked at it and said, rather incredulously, “That’s your boss?”. I confirmed it for her. She said “Wow, he’s hot. Do you think he’d like to fuck me? He’s really attractive. Would you mind if I did that, honey?” I said “No, Ma’am, please feel free to fuck my boss.” She just said “Hmmmmm.”

Well, let’s see what the next 3 full days of service to her will hold.

1 Comment

  1. Photo evidence? 🙂


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