GRS, Dungeons and Swinging

This is likely to be my last post as a biological male.  Please feel free to follow my gender transition progress in more detail at my BloomingTime blog here on WordPress.  When I next post, I’ll have traded my penis for a vagina.  I’m quite excited to take this final step (Gender Confirmation Surgery)!  In other news…

My wife / Mistress has been talking more about wanting heterosexual intercourse herself.  My penis has not been functional (due to the feminizing hormones) for over  year now.  I, of course, desperately want her to be happy in all ways.  So we keep talking about her having sex with men.

Even though I’m transitioning from male to female, I still want a woman for my LTR.  However, I also love to have sex with men.  Mistress knows this.  She’s arranged for it before, and it will be up to her to decide what men will have me in the future.  She also knows I have both rape and gang-bang fantasies.

Last week she sat me down so we could watch a few videos together.  They were about swinging, something she’s done in the past (before we met).  She also knows a couple who hosts swinging parties.  At some point, once I’m fully healed (6 months?) she’s talked about arranging for us to both attend one of those parties.  She’s even pondering us going to one of the larger swinging conventions/events.  Wow.

Last weekend Mistress and I attended a BDSM play party for the first time in about a year.  The location was new, and the dungeon was smaller.  But there were a lot of people there we knew, which was awesome.  We brought a friend for his first exposure to real-life, serious kinksters.  We call him our “kinkling”.  He got to see a few scenes and meet some great folks.

Although we brought two of our “toy bags”, Mistress had decided that we wouldn’t play with our kinkling present (it would be too awkward for all of us at this point).  But she couldn’t help putting me into one scene when we came across one of the dungeon rooms.

Just off of the main dungeon was a little room.  It had brick walls, and concrete for floor and ceiling.  All it contained was a metal bed and mattress.  But the mattress had an institutional 4-point restraint system at the ready.  My knees got weak.

Institutional Restraint System

Institutional Restraint System

I’ve had fantasies about these kinds of restraints for decades, but I’d never experienced them personally.  Mistress saw to that when she realized the effect they had on me.

Fully clothed, she had me lay down, and she quickly tightened them around my wrists and ankles.  She kissed me on the forehead, smiled her evil smile, and left.  I was “alone” and quickly determined that I could not reach any of the ties, so I literally could not escape.  Easy and 100% effective full-body bondage.

Over the next 15 minutes, my mind went wild.  I fast forwarded to being post-surgery, naked, and exposed to anyone.  My ankles were apart, so I couldn’t close my legs.  The feeling of vulnerability was stunning, and the fear this evoked surprised me.  In my mind I was blindfolded or hooded and left as a plaything for whoever wanted to explore or use my body.  At times I fought and thrashed and struggled against my bonds, of course to no avail.

I was sweating by the time Mistress returned and released me.  It took me some time to get fully back to the present, it was that intense.  She said she could see it in my eyes; she knows me well.  I can’t imagine what the next time will be like.  But she said I will certainly experience them again.

She also told me that a DM (dungeon monitor) talked to her as soon as she left me “alone”.  She explained that she wanted me to think she was leaving me there (a mind-fuck she has used on me before), but that she would be keeping a close eye on me.  I knew in this case that I was 100% safe, even if she had gone upstairs to mingle and munch with others.  But it was nice to know that good dungeon safety protocols were being followed and enforced.

Just a reminder that everything in my blog is completely true.  I am so thrilled to be living this life.  I love my wife / Mistress with all my heart.  Thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

Post-op Planning

I have a date for my surgery! In just 3 short months we will travel to the east coast. I’ll fall asleep with a penis and wake up with a vagina! I’m so thrilled and excited! OMG, I’ve waited so long for this!

Since we won’t be going to the west coast (as I blogged about last time), I won’t be able to see Ms. Dubois. And that’s a big bummer. I’m sure she could have provided some exquisite genital torture as “last rites” right before my surgery. But my wife/Mistress assures me that she will see that I do visit her dungeon for a very intense session sometime soon.

Those who have been following me here know that Mistress has teased me for years about her having sex with other men. And she often tells me fantasies about how she would involve me, sometimes just by being bound and having to watch her let another man make love to her.

Since we will soon have two vaginas in our household, she is making other plans. Over the last two weeks she’s come up with a list of four men (so far) that she says will help to “break in” my new parts. In other words, she’s going to turn me over to them for sex.

One of these men broke my man-cherry several birthdays ago (I should write a separate post about that sometime). She also initiated scenes with me and two of the other men at different times. One of the men has an even more wicked and kinky imagination than I do (which is rare!), so being at his mercy is sincerely frightening to me.

The fourth man is someone I mentioned two blog posts ago. Mistress has become good friends with him over the last year. He lives in a southern state, but travels internationally. She and “Tom” talk several times a day now. He was traveling nearby so we got to meet him a few weeks ago.

He told her about this village in Africa that he’s visited where the natives live very simply, including being nude all the time. They are very dark skinned, don’t speak english, and the men are tall and very muscular. She made a point of telling me that Tom said they are also all uncircumcised. Tom speaks many languages, including theirs.

Lately she has had this idea that, for my next birthday, she’ll send me with Tom to this village. Tom will let them know that the men can have their way with me. I envision these black giants passing me around like a rag doll, taking turns pleasuring themselves with me. Mistress can see by my intense blushing (which I can’t hide) that it’s tremendously erotic for me to think about.

Since it will take six months or so for me to heal after surgery, I would potentially be ready for intercourse sometime in April next year. Since my birthday is just a few months later, the timing seems like it would work. The way Mistress looks when she discusses this with me really makes me wonder if she is serious. I honestly think she might be.

She’s also made it clear that I won’t be the only one getting some male sexual attention around here. She’s talked about threesomes and foursomes, as well as her own special one-on-one time. Since she has been a swinger in the past, I don’t have any doubt that she would make good on any or all of that.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll mention it again. All of this is 100% true. This is my life. And I am utterly loving it. My Mistress is the best in the world — I love her with all my heart, and I know she loves me. Our relationship may sound weird to you, but neither of us would want it any other way.

Excited Times Two

Things are getting so exciting! Today I sent my paperwork to the surgeon that I’ve selected to do my Gender Confirmation Surgery. Within a week I should have a tentative date for exchanging my boy parts for girls parts. I’m so excited!

My hope and plan is to create some additional pages here about the FIVE surgeons I interviewed as part of my selection process. Everyone has have different criteria for such a choice, but I know it helped me to read online about other peoples’ information and experiences.

The second thing I’m excited about is that my wife is planning a special event for me now, just prior to surgery. This is a BDSM event that is likely to be one of the peak experiences of my life. In many ways, another dream come true!

My wife and I have met Ms. Cleo Dubois (and her fascinating partner Fakir Musafar) in person at an intense local BDSM event several years back. We also have several of her movies (Tie Me Up, and The Pain Game — both awesome).  My wife also did a little phone counseling with Ms. Dubois much earlier in our marriage, related to our budding Dominant/submissive relationship.

Anyway, my wife/Mistress has decided that she is going to arrange for Ms. Dubois to have a BDSM scene with me before my surgery. All the details are up to the two of them, and she has said she won’t be telling me anything about it.

Now a regular kinky scene with someone else in our local scene is usually very nice — intense, wonderful, painful (and of course fully consensual) — all those things a good BDSM scene should be.

But I can’t put into words the commanding presence and energy that Ms. Dubois brings to a scene. You can get a sense for it in her movies, and we were fortunate enough to see it in person.

My wife and I know that we have the intense level of energy exchange during our play that will make this an utterly amazing scene. We know because other people have seen it as they have watched us play, and afterwards they seek us out and let us know. So I feel confident that I can be a worthy plaything of Ms. Dubois, and make my Mistress proud.

My knees get weak just thinking about submitting to her. My behavior will have to be perfect, in order to please both her and my wife. It’s erotic and frightening, thrilling and scary.

I sure hope my surgery date isn’t too far in the future. I’m not sure how long I can stand the anticipation of both of these amazing events!

Several Anticipations

We have a friend coming to visit next week. My wife / Mistress has been in contact with him for at least a year now, and they seem to be able to “talk about anything”. She teases me quite regularly about how she might offer me to him for sexual pleasure. He arrives Tuesday evening, and apparently is free most of Wednesday.

It could be that it will be a vanilla visit, with no sex involved. But he has included plenty of obvious innuendo in many of his emails and texts — my wife makes sure to show them to me. Although he’s married, he travels internationally a LOT, so who knows.

I’m nervous. I get the sense that my wife would be quite willing to be shockingly spontaneous, if the situation were right. Last week she asked me if I would be willing to do a three-way with her. I said yes, of course, but I still have a lot of emotional trepidation about it for real.

She also just let me know that one of my birthday presents will be arriving soon from Extreme Restraints. It won’t be the first or last time we’ve ordered from them.

I have a hood very similar to this one that they sell. I used to just love being in it – tight, sensory deprivation, locking, ultimate head bondage. But since my transition I have found that it’s a bit too frightening now. I’ve tried to put it on a few times, and I freak out. In all my decades of going deeper and deeper into bondage, that has never happened. I’m guessing it might have to do with the feminizing hormones, and my new emotional experience of the world.

I also think I might be within a week or two of selecting a surgeon for my GCS (gender-confirming surgery).  I talked with five of them (or their office staff) extensively, getting dozens of my details questions answered. Remember that my wife is a nurse – no half-measures on this one. The list is down to two — one on each coast. One last call in just over a week, and it will be time for me to pick one and schedule a date to finally become physically female!

Lesbian cuckold?

I’ve been living full-time as a woman for almost 14 months now, and I’ve been on feminizing hormones for even longer. One thing that means is that I can’t have penetrative sex anymore. To be blunt, my cock just won’t get hard enough for me to screw someone. Like my wife.

She loves to use this to humiliate me. This hormonally-induced impotence gives her lots of fodder for teasing. She doesn’t miss any opportunity to riff on words like limp, shriveled, tiny, ineffective, useless, etc.

She will also talk about being with other men for sex. I always – and I mean always – blush when she does. It’s involuntary. She’s even made be blush like that in front of friends, and they all find it humorous. Early on it seemed like she would talk about it just to tease. I’m not so sure anymore.

Yesterday our conversation turned to sex, and she asked me if I would like it if she were to have sex with a guy. I reluctantly said that I would understand, and that I wouldn’t mind. I said I sincerely wanted her to be happy. She asked me very specifically if that was my “final answer”. I said yes.

Tonight she told me she misses “man-sex”. I apologized for not being able to provide that for her any more. She said it didn’t matter, because she can get that whenever she wants, “Right?” I had to agree. After all, I honestly do want her to be fully sexually satisfied.

I know I can still satiate her sometimes. She lets me eat her out when she wants it. I never disappoint. But she says it’s not the same as a warm, firm penis inside her. I can’t dispute that.

I’ll be picking a surgeon this week for my Gender Conforming Surgery (which will convert my genitals from male to female). I think the finality of this is part of the energy that is going on.

I still can’t tell for sure if this “lesbian cuckolding” is something that she will go through with. More and more I am thinking that she will eventually. What’s unclear to me is whether she will get hers before or after she arranges for a man to take my newfound virginity. And I have no doubt at all that she will arrange that, if she hasn’t already.

 

Scary Saturday

So my wife and I were out to dinner a month or so ago with a couple we’ve known for a few years. But it had slipped my mind, until he walked into the restaurant, that I had given the man a blow job some time ago at a party.

So here I am, at dinner, with this man sitting across the table, his wife next to him, and my wife next to me.

I should probably also mention that my wife was the one to told me to suck him off at that party.

A few weeks later we go out dancing with them. It’s a bit awkward for us, as two women, to dance in this vanilla establishment. Our heterosexual friends didn’t get the stares that we did, especially during that one slow dance. Ah well, screw the gawkers.

Partway through our dancing, my wife tells me to invite them both to our place in a few weeks. I’m instructed to let him know that my “nibbies” (her pet name for my breasts) need some of his TLC. I’m in shock, but I do as I’m told. He graciously accepts the invitation.

You need to know that he is one of the top-notch whip masters in our local BSDM community. In other words, my wife’s plan is for him to use his whips on my breasts.

So that was supposed to happen today. But unfortunately he got ill and cancelled our plans and others. Annetta said she will reschedule.

I was already nervous, and now I have to wait even longer. Understand that being whipped isn’t the only thing on their agenda. He and my wife have been discussing what will happen at our little private party for quite a while. All she’s told me so far is that I will also be serving them throughout the party.

Last night she picked out my outfit – a black, lacy number that really flatters my figure – it’s hot! A demure black leather collar, and locking high-heel patent leather boots will complete the scene. Oh, and I’m supposed to be sure to have all our gags handy, as we don’t want to bother the neighbors regardless of what happens.

All the rest will be a surprise – for me anyway.

So in this you can probably see that our relationship is still very much intact and going extremely well. We love each other very much. And I trust her completely, enough to let her turn my body over to a friend for him to use as he sees fit.

My wife also told him about my rape fantasies (which I do indeed have). Then she told me “But since you don’t have a vagina yet, that will have to wait until later”. I know non-consensual rape is a very bad thing. But I’ll speak only for myself and say that I’ve had fantasies about being raped, as a woman, all my life. YMMV.

My wife loves to tease me, and humiliate me, including with other people. Being her devoted submissive and spouse, that is just fine with me. It’s one of the many ways I can show her how much I love her (and her dominance).

 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Quite a few things haven’t changed since my last post about 7 weeks ago. Mistress still has me eating out of one of my two dog dishes for all my meals (unless I have permission). She’s talked about bringing one with us to a restaurant soon. But apparently I’ve been good enough to be allowed to use a regular spoon from our main silverware (rather than one of our reject “crummy” spoons).

She also still uses me as her nighttime urinal on occasion. And I’ve not been permitted any boygasms in months, just an occasional girlgasm every week or two. Humiliation play is nearly every day. She has a male friend who will visit later this year, and she talks a lot about how they will treat me when while he stays with us.

But some things have changed…

We had a death in the family just days after Christmas, so the holidays had some sadness. Mistress has the additional title of “executrix” temporarily. I’m supporting her through both grief and the logistics of handling that estate. Losing a parent to cancer is hard.

Just recently we’ve started talking seriously about having a male slave move in with us. “R” lived with us about 9 years ago for some months. He’s a service-oriented submissive, and he would love nothing more than to “serve two women”. It will be an interesting pecking order, with my wife as my Mistress and his Ma’am, I would continue to be her submissive pet but his dominant Miss. He would submit to us both.

Mistress and I have discussed some plans, including having R out for a few weeks soon as a trial. If things seem like a good fit, it sounds like he will ask to move in with us permanently. That’s even after learning that his service will almost certainly include BDSM, enforced chastity, an ownership mark (tattoo), and plenty of household duties.

Something I’m personally looking forward to this year is GRS. My surgeon consultation is still scheduled for the end of March, after which we can set a date to exchange tiny for a vagina. Exciting!

I’m also utterly thrilled to report that hormones have enabled me to grow B-cup breasts. The guideline is usually “one cup size smaller than your mother or sisters”. My mom has B’s. Mistress and I are both pretty pleased with the size of my “girls”, and this means we don’t have to bother with breast-augmentation as yet another surgical procedure.

I continue to think that biologically I was very ripe for being a female. I believe science will someday help us understand transsexuality better, including its causes and treatments. For me, I am so very happy to finally be the woman I’ve dreamed of being. I’m grateful each and every day. I’m more compassionate and loving, more calm and peaceful.

I’d be happy to entertain questions in the comments. Happy New Year!

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